400 Unqualified Schmucks Sign Up For One-Way Mission to Mars

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Um, no. Pass. Big time pass. I've seen too many movies and read too many books to have even the slightest urge to be one of the first colonizers of ANYTHING. So many horrible things, some worse than death. Yeah...when Mars is stable and able to support millions of people without a problem, then I'll be interested. Since I'll probably be long dead before then, no real worry for me.

Andy Chalk:
400 Unqualified Schmucks Sign Up For One-Way Mission to Mars

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Hundreds of grossly unqualified volunteers have signed up for a proposed one-way trip to Mars as part of a cost-effective private industry effort to colonize the planet.

Douglas Adams fans will recall that one of the three sapient forms of life on this planet actually descended from the Golgafrinchans, who eons ago decided to tidy up their society a bit by tricking the most useless one-third of the population - hairdressers, insurance salesmen, management consultants, telephone sanitizers and the like - to board a great colonist spaceship which was then hurled out into space and eventually crash-landed on Earth. Now, believe it or not, a group of like-minded citizens is hoping to recreate the journey, except this time they want to make it happen in real life.

Getting to Mars is a relatively simple gig. Getting home is something else entirely. Any team that makes the journey to the red planet will have to take everything it needs for the return trip with it and that's just not practical. One simple yet radical solution is detailed in the November 2010 Journal of Cosmology: what goes to Mars, stays on Mars, people included. It's the ultimate suicide mission, yet it's also an idea that a lot of people with dodgy skillsets say they find very attractive.

"I've had a deep desire to explore the universe ever since I was a child and understood what a rocket was," Peter Greaves, a jack-of-all-trades who started his own motorcycle dispatch company and fixes computers and engines on the side, told FoxNews.com. "I envision life on Mars to be stunning, frightening, lonely, quite cramped and busy. Unlike Earth I wouldn't be able to sit by a stream or take in the view of nature's wonder, or hug a friend, or breath deeply the sweet smell of fresh air - but my experience would be so different from all six to seven billion human beings... that in itself would make up for the things I left behind."

"As the human race continues to expand, it only make sense to explore opportunities for human life out in the cosmos," added Reverend Paul Gregersen, pastor at the Clarno Zion United Methodist Church. "Also, I have the feeling that spiritual issues would come up among the crew. The early explorers on Earth always took clergy with them."

Astronaut psychology expert Albert Harrison said he wouldn't be surprised if a future mission to Mars included someone to serve as a chaplain but pointed out that going there wouldn't actually be the exciting and romantic journey that some enthusiasts might think. "Each day will be pretty much like the rest. The environment, once the novelty wears off, is likely to be deadly boring," he said. "Despite being well prepared and fully equipped there are certain to be unanticipated problems that cannot be remedied. One by one the crew will get old, sick, and die off."

Journal of Cosmology editor Lana Tao said she initially thought the responses to the proposed mission were a joke but as the emails continued to roll in, she realized they were sincere. Among the serious (and seriously under-qualified) volunteers was 69-year-old computer programmer Pasha Rostov, who wrote, "I do VERY well with solitude. I am handy with tools, very good at making things work, have generated my own solar energy, built three houses (with my own hands) and am quite sane and stable. And I am ready to go to Mars. Sign me up."

For the record, the one-way trip to Mars won't be launching anytime soon; the Journal of Cosmology estimated it would be 20 years before a privately-funded mission could get off the ground.

via: Slashdot

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Oh for fuck's sake Andy Chalk I'm not meaning to be rude or anything but I literally had a thread about going to Mars less than 6 HOURS AGO, I know I'm probably strolling down Probabation Lane with this comment but this is Plagiarism!!!!111!eleven!

Hell.. If they really really want to.. Send em away!.. Just don't give them means to send back messages to tell us how bad it is there and demand rescue.

It might even give valuable data on how to do it right the next time!

EDIT : double post 'Facepalm'

id go, im a schmuck. where do i sign...

Ultratwinkie:

Mike Laserbeam:
Crap... What if they do manage to populate Mars? That's an entire planet led by mentalists... (Not in the Simon Baker sense)
What's more, they'd be religious and moronic, I don't think a crusade against Martians is a good idea... Look what happened to Israel...
They're going to ruin Mars for us! GODDAMNIT!

Crap... That started ironic but I don't think it ended that way...

... the only thing moronic is the idea that all religious people are bloodthirsty and would crusade against aliens. Nothing wrong with religious people except the extremists. Learn the difference.

Oh that was a joke, I'm sorry :)

Wrists:
Snip

yeah, I forget how far up it is off hand though.

philosophicalbastard:
Snip

you ever seen a plane? You need a licensed and practiced and trained person to lift off, its one of the few things a computer cant do. I'm pretty sure a shuttle is going to work the same. Also, this is clearly saying its one way. If you send something up there to retrieve, people are going ot want to come back.

zfactor:
Snip

That seems like the only people who would do that/able to afford the visit in the beginning the insanely rich, and thats something you wouldnt always do. And besides, wouldnt you have ot worry about meteor strikes and what not? and doesnt the space station orbit around the earth, so the elevator would be torn away when the space station tried to move.

Then again, I could be wrong.

Well, that's pretty much how England colonized Virginia. A private sompany sent a bunch of schmucks there hoping that they would eventually get something out of it.

ho no the human race perhaps dropping by 500! how will we ever go on?

i say give them their rocket and while we're at it pile on all the worlds republicans and just fire it into the sun

Onyx Oblivion:
Totally unqualified people, banding together for a likely suicide mission.

This is quite possibly the stupidest thing I've read all day.

Seriously? Cause it sounds like the best thing ever to me.

Worst case scenario, we get rid of a few people that willingly volunteered for a suicide mission.

Best case scenario, we get rid of a few people that willingly volunteered for a suicide mission, get the first good reality show AND initiate off world colonization.

So it's win-triple win. I'm not seeing the downside here...?

As long as I'm not in Ship B, I would go in heartbeat.

It's going to be like a slow motion train wreck.

Why is it suicide? We all have to die sometime!.

Think about it, as long as NASA (or some other space agency) sent regular supply ships, They'll be OK; these guys are no different to old style prospectors.

As long as these guys totally realize that there's no coming home, home would become Mars and as long as supplies were sent and nothing went too wrong, they'd survive. They'd go about making it their home. Fixing things, mining. Turning it into a real colony. Eventually, the first kids would be born there, they find a way to become self sufficient and hey presto, 1st true extra-terrestrial human colony.

With the tools and resources, Survival instinct is an amazing motivator.

Risky as hell but then again, nothing the human race has ever done has come about without the hard work and sacrifice of a few early adopters.... and a little luck.

Daystar Clarion:
This could be a very effective way of dispensing of... undesirables. Is there room for PETA?

I like your thinking =D

I think that is a stupid way to waste money, time and lives. "I work well under solitude." Guess you have to experience something similar to Moon!

Well rest in peace, at least you'll die in a fashionable way that'd be quick, painless and doing something we all dream to do.

Canid117:
This sounds like some shitty reality tv show from the future.

DON'T TELL THEM! THEY'LL HEAR YOU xD

Nouw:

Daystar Clarion:
[quote="Canid117" post="7.256310.9605457"]This sounds like some shitty reality tv show from the future.

DON'T TELL THEM! THEY'LL HEAR YOU xD

Are you kidding? A show about 100 or so ignorant simpletons slowly being driven insane by the stress, home sickness, and malnutrition of space travel!? I'd totally watch that!

to Paraphrase Gimli ,Certainty of death, *small* chance of success... What am i waiting for?

seriously this sounds awesome, unfortunately even if this does go ahead ill be to old to even be considered so boooo. and the fact that id need medication, well ... kinda makes it a waste of time for me.....

oh and before anyone gets up my arse about my grammar you can understand what im meaning right, then go to hell and stop whining.

This is one of those things I'd want to happen just to see what would come out of it.

Hell, televise it and it'll be much better than Big Brother.

...Okay, pretty much anything televised is better than Big Brother.

Lvl 64 Klutz:

Nouw:

Daystar Clarion:
[quote="Canid117" post="7.256310.9605457"]This sounds like some shitty reality tv show from the future.

DON'T TELL THEM! THEY'LL HEAR YOU xD

Are you kidding? A show about 100 or so ignorant simpletons slowly being driven insane by the stress, home sickness, and malnutrition of space travel!? I'd totally watch that!

*Imagines.

Yup I'm subscribing! It's like a Sci-Fi horror t.v. series xD.
Wait isn't that like the movie w/ Arnold S which involves him avoiding death for a t.v. show?

Forgive me if I'm wrong but wouldn't it take at least 70 years to get to Mars?

These guys have obviously never played Red Faction.

Could all the haters please jump of a cliff and die in the most horrible way imaginable? What the fuck is wrong with you, in any other era these people would be lauded for the grand sacrifice they're willing to make for the sake of humanity and all you people can do is compare them to fuckin jersey shore?

And of course they're not going to have the same qualifications as nasa astronauts; they're gonna freakin die, which retard would spent 5 years getting a science degree and another 5 years astronaut training + relevant experience only to jump in a fucking spaceship????

I would love to go to Mars...

..right after all the kinks get worked out by the brain dead foolish brave people who go first.

ae86gamer:
Let them go. Maybe something cool will happen, like maybe they'll all get sick with some sort of alien virus and turn into hideous monsters.

*I've been playing a lot Dead Space

Disclaimer: I really like Dead Space, I just like making fun of parts of the story too xD

This needs to be a TV series.

Like now. Make it happen people.

They'll be dead before they get half way through the Van Allen Radiation Belt.

If they want to go, let them. Less stupid people to deal with on earth if they do.

Kebabco:
in any other era these people would be lauded for the grand sacrifice they're willing to make for the sake of humanity

And if they were making a grand sacrifice for the sake of humanity here, they would be. But they aren't. They're just a bunch of ninnies going "Oooh I want to go to Mars yay fun!"

I took two things from that:
1. People cam be brave and stupid in equal measure.
2. Holy shit, Space Chaplains, thankfully they aren't preaching about the Emperor.

Their will be return trips...in about 100 years XD

Hope they take enough oxygen tanks, food and water with them...

there are 400 people in the United States congress?

pffff, what idiots. Is going to Mars really worth dying for?

TimeLord:

ae86gamer:
Let them go. Maybe something cool will happen, like maybe they'll all get sick with some sort of alien virus and turn into hideous monsters.

*I've been playing a lot Dead Space

But then we would have to send a poorly equipped, unsuspecting mechanic who has to use industrial weapons tools to fight his way to the source of the madness only to find that his love interest back on earth who continently disappeared 20 years ago was actually one of the original crew and was now super badass queen monster and he has to kill it with laser pistols.

Disclaimer: I really like Dead Space, I just like making fun of parts of the story too xD

Dude, spoilers. I haven't played Dead Space yet, so thats not cool.

Red Right Hand:

TimeLord:

ae86gamer:
Let them go. Maybe something cool will happen, like maybe they'll all get sick with some sort of alien virus and turn into hideous monsters.

*I've been playing a lot Dead Space

But then we would have to send a poorly equipped, unsuspecting mechanic who has to use industrial weapons tools to fight his way to the source of the madness only to find that his love interest back on earth who continently disappeared 20 years ago was actually one of the original crew and was now super badass queen monster and he has to kill it with laser pistols.

Disclaimer: I really like Dead Space, I just like making fun of parts of the story too xD

Dude, spoilers. I haven't played Dead Space yet, so thats not cool.

That isn't the plot of Dead Space, I was making fun of the poorly equipped, unsuspecting mechanic. The final boss is in no way related to the protagonist emotionally or physically!

D Moness:

random_bars:
Anyone else think this would be an awesome premise for an RPG?

Either that or stick in a mass murderer and you have the plot for the worst scifi movie i have ever read.

And i write fanfiction >.<

It would be an excellent game though. The playable character could be the only properly qualified person on the ship who has to run around making sure the entire thing doesn't fall apart...

Either that or something like dwarf fortress in space...

TimeLord:

Red Right Hand:

TimeLord:

But then we would have to send a poorly equipped, unsuspecting mechanic who has to use industrial weapons tools to fight his way to the source of the madness only to find that his love interest back on earth who continently disappeared 20 years ago was actually one of the original crew and was now super badass queen monster and he has to kill it with laser pistols.

Disclaimer: I really like Dead Space, I just like making fun of parts of the story too xD

Dude, spoilers. I haven't played Dead Space yet, so thats not cool.

That isn't the plot of Dead Space, I was making fun of the poorly equipped, unsuspecting mechanic. The final boss is in no way related to the protagonist emotionally or physically!

Ah sorry, I thought you were just making the plot sound more ridiculous than it really is. My bad, I guess.

Squilookle:
This needs to be a TV series.

Like now. Make it happen people.

Indeed, and make it a reality show. I would love the chance to vote as to who gets blown out the airlock every week!

philosophicalbastard:
I actually think this is a good idea. It would not only fix the population crisis, but also unemployment. We could also find valuable resources that could be mined by the colony.

There is absolutely no way this could even remotely solve the population problem or unemployment and if you have to resort to mining other planets to allow your bullshit economy to continue then you have a useless system. You couldn't possibly build enough ships fast enough to send away people to have any effect on population, that and the obviously unmeetable fuel needs.

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