Germany Creates Herbicidal Death Ray

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Germany Creates Herbicidal Death Ray

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German scientists have developed a semi-autonomous laser defense system that will keep your garden healthy and green.

Weeds are a hassle. Whether it's a vegetable garden, a decorative flowerbed or an industrial greenhouse, keeping out unwanted, invasive vegetation is a never-ending task. Virulent herbicides make the job easier but are dangerous to people and the environment and, because of that, are faced with restrictions and even flat-out bans in some areas. Weeding by hand is safer, but double the work, half the fun and lacking the finality of a good Roundup rampage.

Enter Germany. And lasers!

Scientists at Leibniz University in Hannover have come up with a laser-based system that keeps the weeds at bay without posing any threat to other plants or animal life. It wasn't easy; lasers of the wrong frequency or intensity can actually promote weed growth, and although it might be fun to watch, you probably don't want to turn your whole garden into a smoking, charred cinder, either.

But researchers have overcome both of those problems, determining the proper weed-killing laser intensity and then developing a camera system that monitors fields and measures the contours of plants, after which algorithms go to work to separate the weeds from everything else. Once all that's done, you just stand back and nuke it from orbit.

Actually, it's not quite that simple. The system as it stands is good for about a square meter in a greenhouse and while larger, rail-based greenhouse applications can be "easily conceived," the precision required for outdoor farming applications is a bit more problematic. The researchers are now looking at robots and drones to see whether they can bring the pain with enough precision to get the job done without excessive collateral damage.

So to recap: German scientists are working on laser-equipped flying death machines that are capable of deciding for themselves what to kill. Yeah, we are so screwed.

Source: Treehugger

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Yay mad science!

There is no kill like overkill.

Back on topic: Won't the weeds just grow back from the roots?

Suddenly the plot of Black Ops 2 seems a lot more realistic.

Oh shit! Germany's at it again!

Für den Ruhm des Gartens!

I don't care how likely it is to turn on me, I want it. And I want to add a voice synthesizer and conversation algorithm so it can call me an organic meatbag!

Germans with lasers? We all know how this ends, don't let Hugo Weaving ANYWHERE NEAR this thing!

Andy Chalk:
Scientists at image in Hanover have come up with a laser-based system that keeps the weeds at bay without posing any threat to other plants or animal life.

We've got an embed fail there. I believe you meant Leibniz University

I did, my bad with the link, but we're all fixed up now.

Interesting. I wonder if in the future laser death rays will paint the sky with jolly colors.

You misspelled Hannover. It is spelled with two n.
Google it!
Also, how many germans are reading this on the escapist? With me, it's at least 1.

Bio Terminating Lasers - Check.
Next: (A) Moon Base, (B) Space Travelling Zeppelins

Ze masterplan iz unravelling.

So what I've got out of this, is that from this moment on, no one with any connection to Cyberdyne Inc (makers of the HAL robotic exoskeleton) should ever be allowed within German borders.

Slightly more seriously: I'm still fucking terrified of that company. They've ticked just about every possible box in "popular culture cause of the robot apocalypse".

i could make a horrible joke about the nazis considering people of certain religion or ethnicity to be weeds but that would be terrible.

however this does make me happy because it's not the news that someone hooked up a camera to a gun to shot everyone who does not wear the correct tag or something. you know, use science to kill weeds, not people.

Agayek:
So what I've got out of this, is that from this moment on, no one with any connection to Cyberdyne Inc (makers of the HAL robotic exoskeleton) should ever be allowed within German borders.

Slightly more seriously: I'm still fucking terrified of that company. They've ticked just about every possible box in "popular culture cause of the robot apocalypse".

Oh, they haven't ticked every box just yet. They're still just working on Exoskeletons. It's the day that they start developing robotic assistants based on the exoskeletons (with AI cores, of course, so they can help better) that they'll be handing in their Apocalypse Registration Form in triplicate.

Still not as useful as this death ray.

itsausernamewhatofit:
Still not as useful as this death ray.

Ninja'd...

Oh well, the Germans won't allow this to be used for the powers of evil. Right? Right.

This sounds like a basis for a Pixar movie. Weeds vs the evil laser-wielding humans.

I want one, but only if you can install sound effects. I can imagine a GTA Tommy Vercetti voice screaming "EAT IT! EAT IT!" as it goes about burning up weeds.

Andy Chalk:

So to recap: German scientists are working on laser-equipped flying death machines that are capable of deciding for themselves what to kill. Yeah, we are so screwed.

And it's being made by Germans so it's going to work.

I see Germany, distract everyone with the financial crisis in Europe while you finish your death lasers and by next year we're all speaking germen. Kills "weeds" does it? Weeds like western Europe? I'm watching you Germany.

Although if they make it possible to cut your lawn with lasers, Ich für meinen Teil begrüße unsere Deutsch Oberherren[1]. I hate cut grass, damn hayfever!

teebeeohh:
i could make a horrible joke about the nazis considering people of certain religion or ethnicity to be weeds but that would be terrible.

Don't worry I'm not above grabbing for low hanging fruit XD

[1] I've no idea if that is right or not. I apologise for my poor language skills

LoL, FOR SCIENCE!

grigjd3:

Andy Chalk:

So to recap: German scientists are working on laser-equipped flying death machines that are capable of deciding for themselves what to kill. Yeah, we are so screwed.

And it's being made by Germans so it's going to work.

Hi, it's Vince with DeathLaser!
You'll be saying wow every time you use this laser! A regular laser doesn't work on plants - this works on plants or animals. This is for the house, the car, the boat, the RV! Look at this! It just does the work! Why do you want to work twice as hard? It doesn't backfire, doesn't make a mess.
It is made in Germany, you know the Germans always make good stuff.

/ obligatory shamwow reference

The Artificially Prolonged:
I see Germany, distract everyone with the financial crisis in Europe while you finish your death lasers and by next year we're all speaking germen. Kills "weeds" does it? Weeds like western Europe? I'm watching you Germany.

Although if they make it possible to cut your lawn with lasers, Ich für meinen Teil begrüße unsere Deutsch Oberherren[1]. I hate cut grass, damn hayfever!

teebeeohh:
i could make a horrible joke about the nazis considering people of certain religion or ethnicity to be weeds but that would be terrible.

Don't worry I'm not above grabbing for low hanging fruit XD

There's a mistake, you'd say "Ich für meinen Teil begrüße unsere deutschen Oberherren", though I doubt that anyone would use the word "Oberherren". I think you might be referring to Overlord, right? Well, at least for me it just sounds strange and I think finding an appropriate translation might get difficult.

[1] I've no idea if that is right or not. I apologise for my poor language skills

Kuratius:

The Artificially Prolonged:
I see Germany, distract everyone with the financial crisis in Europe while you finish your death lasers and by next year we're all speaking germen. Kills "weeds" does it? Weeds like western Europe? I'm watching you Germany.

Although if they make it possible to cut your lawn with lasers, Ich für meinen Teil begrüße unsere Deutsch Oberherren[1]. I hate cut grass, damn hayfever!

teebeeohh:
i could make a horrible joke about the nazis considering people of certain religion or ethnicity to be weeds but that would be terrible.

Don't worry I'm not above grabbing for low hanging fruit XD

There's a mistake, you'd say "Ich für meinen Teil begrüße unsere deutschen Oberherren", though I doubt that anyone would use the word "Oberherren". I think you might be referring to Overlord, right? Well, at least for me it just sounds strange and I think finding an appropriate translation might get difficult.

I was referring to overlord, though I'll bow to your more knowledgeable background in the german language. The only German I know is what some of my friends who did study it told me and some lyrics to Beatles songs, which for some reason I know.

[1] I've no idea if that is right or not. I apologise for my poor language skills

Lasers? Robots? Sounds like this guy did this

Those Germans are BADASS LEGENDS!

Hoooray Nazigermany never get´s old, hur, hur.
I can assure you that this isn`t a harmless gardening tool. Bow to this mighty weapon und lernt schon mal Deutsch.

Kuratius:

I for one welcome our new blah blah blah.

Flying laser plant killers, whoo-hoo!

To the better living of all individuals! Except the guys at Round-up's automation division.

As a professional gardener...

GIMME GIMME GIMME!

I want this!

Andy Chalk, the seer of todays tech. This quote will be found sometime after December 26th of this year on a post it memo amongst the burning buildings of civilization.

"So to recap: German scientists are working on laser-equipped flying death machines that are capable of deciding for themselves what to kill. Yeah, we are so screwed."

Germany, seriously stop trying to bring about the robot AI apocalypse. Thats Japans job. And they're robots are way cooler.

And now a demonstration of this new power in the galaxy, FIRE THE LASER:

"AAAHH! Damage report! Damage report!!!?!"

Don't worry, that was actually footage from the film independence day, but the actual laser will have much the same effect. Ta tah.

You guys do know that we already have meat-sizzling lasers for surgery, right? And that we didn't get any death rays from that, either? Lasers don't work that way!

Kuratius:
*snip*

Hail Hydra!

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