Microsoft Brings Cortana Into the Real World

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Nicolaus99:
Pff, want a GLaDOS Siri! She'd line all her answers with insults and threats.

GlaDOS, tell me a joke.
"Your life. HA HA."

GlaDOS, give me directions to X.
"I've heard the bottom of the Atlantic is beautiful this time of year. I suggest you drive your car into it. Or you could go left in 300 meters. Either way your life will eventually end."

Unless this app generates a miniature hologram whenever you activate it, I doubt this will have people adopting Windows Phones in droves.

Is Siri really that popular? i was under the impression its something you try once get bored and never turn on again.
Then again, i recently found out there exist people that use windows media center......

I'd be fine with a Siri clone/same kind of thing, but this part worries me:

Andy Chalk:
"Our UI will be deeply personalized, based on the advanced, almost magical, intelligence in our cloud that learns more and more over time about people and the world. Our shell will natively support all of our essential services, and will be great at responding seamlessly to what people ask for, and even anticipating what they need before they ask for it."

I do not want it learning things about me and storing them on a cloud. Unless all the things it learns are stored locally, can been seen and deleted by me and cannot be accessed by anyone remotely this can stay the hell away from me.

Solo-Wing:
-snip-

I've just done it consistently three times in a row. I think it might be your phone.

Andy Chalk:
said[/a], "Our UI will be deeply personalized, based on the advanced, almost magical, intelligence in our cloud that learns more and more over time about people and the world. Our shell will natively support all of our essential services, and will be great at responding seamlessly to what people ask for, and even anticipating what they need before they ask for it."

Wait?! Have we just given up on stopping the Machines uprising and decided to just make Skynet already? Because this seems kind of creepy.

Strazdas:
Is Siri really that popular? i was under the impression its something you try once get bored and never turn on again.
Then again, i recently found out there exist people that use windows media center......

Siri, not really. The religious Apple people sometimes use it, but I don't know of anyone else using the feature after finding out it's there (it can't do most stuff, and it's hilariously inaccurate most of the time).

Windows Media Center? I haven't even touched that piece of shit software. Windows 7's Windows Media Player with the CCCP codecs works well though (even if it's hard to believe). I've even found Internet Explorer to work better than Chrome - surprise, it's more stable with lots of open tabs. It's weird really, as if there were some kind of competent programmers at Microsoft.

rednightmare:

Andy Chalk:
said[/a], "Our UI will be deeply personalized, based on the advanced, almost magical, intelligence in our cloud that learns more and more over time about people and the world. Our shell will natively support all of our essential services, and will be great at responding seamlessly to what people ask for, and even anticipating what they need before they ask for it."

Wait?! Have we just given up on stopping the Machines uprising and decided to just make Skynet already? Because this seems kind of creepy.

That's a good point, actually. It's like even AFTER pulling the Xbox 180, they can't talk enough about monitoring on their users.

Seriously, Microsoft, get help. They make these things called PR firms. Buy one. Then shut up and get the fuck out of its way.

s_h_a_d_o:

Nicolaus99:
Pff, want a GLaDOS Siri! She'd line all her answers with insults and threats.

Yes.
Also...
HAL2000
Marvin (the Paranoid Android from HHGTTG)
Class M-3 Model B9, General Utility Non-Theorizing Environmental Control Robot (from Lost in Space)!!!

I'm surprised Microsoft hadn't already marketed an actual AR product of Cortana.

Hmm, you seem to have missed someone.

I'll just leave them here...

image

MiskWisk:

Hmm, you seem to have missed someone.

I'll just leave them here...

image

Die Meatbags !

MiskWisk:

s_h_a_d_o:

Nicolaus99:
Pff, want a GLaDOS Siri! She'd line all her answers with insults and threats.

Yes.
Also...
HAL2000
Marvin (the Paranoid Android from HHGTTG)
Class M-3 Model B9, General Utility Non-Theorizing Environmental Control Robot (from Lost in Space)!!!

I'm surprised Microsoft hadn't already marketed an actual AR product of Cortana.

Hmm, you seem to have missed someone.

I'll just leave them here...

image

Ah yes, touché.

RandV80:
Looking at the article title I thought it meant they were going to bring her to stage for some Xbox presentation Hatsune Miku style.

Yeah, I'm pretty disappointed. It probably won't even be her voice on the app.

...and all I can think to myself is this:

"Cortana? Really? Is Microsoft..." *puts on shades* "...Siri-ous?"

*insert "YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" here*

Slash2x:

Matthi205:

Andy Chalk:
said[/a], "Our UI will be deeply personalized, based on the advanced, almost magical, intelligence in our cloud that learns more and more over time about people and the world. Our shell will natively support all of our essential services, and will be great at responding seamlessly to what people ask for, and even anticipating what they need before they ask for it."

*can't stop laughing*
*tries to calm down*
*reads text passage again*
*laughs some more*

This is Microsoft. The only thing bigger than their pile of money is their pile of code that doesn't work.

You. are. completely. wrong.

The biggest pile is the one of stolen ideas and code. Expect to get a Siri knockoff that routs all your request through knockoff Google(read Bing)

bing isnt all that bad. and their maps are at least updated every now and then.

the "maps" on google maps are from 2009 and have drastically changed.
----------------
In July, outgoing CEO Steve Ballmer said, "Our UI will be deeply personalized, based on the advanced, almost magical, intelligence in our cloud that learns more and more over time about people and the world. Our shell will natively support all of our essential services, and will be great at responding seamlessly to what people ask for, and even anticipating what they need before they ask for it."

great i can now add death by bing to my apocalypse scenarios.
and it can anticipate what i need before i even ask for it?
sound like ads or worse:

"cortana.."
"....two sexy bitches dildoing each other. searching..."
"no, cortana i ....
"....hot blonde fingering asshole. searching...."
" no! i had an accident and i really need..."
"...horny brunette nurse. searching"
*dies slowly while watching porn*

image

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