Embarrassing sex-related stories

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 NEXT
 

Bara_no_Hime:

Thomas Guy:
To this day I have issues doing it with my wife on her period.

Too bad. Period sex is nature's birth control. ^^

Just don't forget to bring a towel.

I have had the snip snip so no more children for me.

Vault101:

thats....uh......not how it works

unless she was some kind of "environmental" hippie....(why did you have tampons?) uhh never mind

My sister used to live here. They're around. Second of all, she was running around her house for 90 minutes and couldn't find her shit (like her lighter and cigarettes). She seemed to give up. At my house, she'd go into the bathroom for about 10 minutes at a time, running the sink a whole bunch. Then at the end, she told me she was on her period.

I have no idea what she was doing in the bathroom. This is the best theory I could come up with.

zelda2fanboy:

Vault101:

thats....uh......not how it works

unless she was some kind of "environmental" hippie....(why did you have tampons?) uhh never mind

My sister used to live here. They're around. Second of all, she was running around her house for 90 minutes and couldn't find her shit (like her lighter and cigarettes). She seemed to give up. At my house, she'd go into the bathroom for about 10 minutes at a time, running the sink a whole bunch. Then at the end, she told me she was on her period.

I have no idea what she was doing in the bathroom. This is the best theory I could come up with.

oh so she was at your place? ok makes more sense (like you didnt have them on your person)

Hmm I came pretty quickly once... thats about it.

Oh and I couldnt get it up once, tried everything stroking it, oral, slapping it off her face, but all to no avail.. :( Then again I could barely stand so asking him to stand was a bit much.

Oh and my GFs mum walking in on us, and the position was hmmm, less than romantic.

I was about 14-15 years old, and was head over heels in love with a girl at school. We were good friends, and hung out a lot in our spare time.

My best friend was constantly trying to hitch us, we often met up at his house. One weekend me and him saw some anime for the first time. MD Geist I think. And we thought it was awesome. The girl I was hot for was very cool, and we figured she would love that kind of stuff.

We rented a movie at the local video store, with a big awesome demon on the front cover.
As we sat down...something unexpected happened. Tentacles started flying out of nowhere and several rapescenes ensued. Title of the movie: Urotsukidoji. In case anyone wants to look it up................

It was probably the worst night of my life, and I doubt I have been that embarrassed before, or since.

DevilWithaHalo:

Vern5:
She is a screamer and you can map out her orgasm by taking audio clues.

Screamers are fun in theory, but my ears are still ringing. The least they could do for you helping them achieve orgasm is *try* to avoid deafening you.

Ever been with a crier? I lived above one once. My GF at the time woke up, and woke me up to the sounds of; "...(sniff)... that feels so good... (sob)..." It was about 3am, so my GF decided to loudly suggest they shut their windows.

The broad wasn't all that considerate to be honest. She had a kid, and every time the gentlemen would come calling the kid would be on the porch playing. And then the sobbing would begin...

I can't help but feel that I'm within the right age bracket so that any sexual quirks are more funny than strange. The idea of being with a crier bothers me. I worry enough about inadvertently hurting my partner as it is. Constant sobbing would probably leave me more traumatized than elated.

And while we're on the topic of screamers as well, I can say that it only becomes a problem depending on the pitch of her voice. The high range screeching is annoying but the low to middle range moaning-turn-screaming is more suitable. Also, it sounds like your screamer was right up against your ear. If so, you have my pity.

One of my friends laughed into her girlfriends... parts and made her queef.

DugMachine:
Came home freaking smashed one night and had the bright idea of instead of jerkin it like usual I had sex with a jar of grape jelly (not gonna lie felt good as hell) but next thing I know it was 3 in the afternoon and I was super hungry. Go to kitchen and start making a PB&J sandwich and half way through my sandwich realize wtf I did last night.

Inb4 I get banned for posting that lmao, but its true :/ AIN'T GOT NO SHAME

Hahahahahahahahah!

I dont know if this is true or not, but I dont care. Its the best story ever!

Sleekit:
unlikely as i'm a 41 year old Scotsman and thusly didn't do the whole US college thang.

breaking beds is actually fairly common in my experience. i know at least 3 other people who've done the same. gives you a whole new angle when you're looking to buy a "good" bed...

Oh, phew. ^^;;

Well, this wasn't just a bed - it was a very sturdy, fairly expensive, recently purchased bed. And it wasn't so much the bed we broke as the box spring.

Okay, so I promised the story. My boyfriend at the time and I were having a bit of roleplay. I won't go into details, but it was a particularly rough session. My shoulders were on the bed, but he was literally holding my lower end up while we were going at it. I heard a crack, and felt the bed shift slightly, but I was having some incredible orgasms, so I did not give a fuck and told him to keep going. He did so. Eventually he finished and, as he was doing so, the bed shifted again and there was a thump on the ground.

After some clean up, we looked under the bed. There was a two-foot long piece of two-by-four on the ground. We'd broken the main support strut in two places, and pushed it out through the bottom of the box-spring.

The frame and mattress were fine. And, fortunately, the box-spring was still under warranty. Still, I imagine he had a very awkward conversation with the people at the bed store.

^^;; So there's the story of the time I broke a bed.

SckizoBoy:
'looks innocent' she says! Still, to be fair, in the... ahem... (unspecified number of) years I've been active, I'm oddly surprised how much I've done, considering I've never had a blowjob or done anal...

And about handjobs... one ex was oddly fixated with the sensation of getting shot on the back... o_O'

You've never gotten a blowjob? Huh. That seems something rather odd to be lacking when you've had hand-jobs and sex. Not at all? Not, even, like a brief foreplay blow job that doesn't result in orgasm?

It's just hard to imagine. I mean, if you're using your hand, giving the tootsie roll a few licks just seems... you know, fun.

Also... her giving you a handjob where you finish on her back? **thinks about the layout** Wouldn't that be an awkward angle to give hand-jobs from? I've only ever had it on the back when using coitus-interuptis in doggy style.

Thomas Guy:
I have had the snip snip so no more children for me.

Once I'm done with kids, I'm seriously considering having the lady version of that procedure. I know it's more complex, but damn, that's one huge worry over and done with.

I do remember someone very poorly spiking the punch at a dance (seriously, whiskey? if you're gonna spike drinks at least spring for vodka so we can't smell it) and some guy getting hammered and trying to feel me up. And then realizing who I was and falling on his drunk ass getting away from me.

And one from my uncle: he had the old snip-snip and then found his wife knocked up a few months later. Got really pissed, insisted on a paternity test, was getting ready to leave her...and then the test showed the kid was his, a checkup revealed that the doctor hadn't snipped quite enough, and his tubes had scarred together enough to make him fertile again. He was ready to kill that doctor.

Bara_no_Hime:
You've never gotten a blowjob? Huh. That seems something rather odd to be lacking when you've had hand-jobs and sex. Not at all? Not, even, like a brief foreplay blow job that doesn't result in orgasm?

It's just hard to imagine. I mean, if you're using your hand, giving the tootsie roll a few licks just seems... you know, fun.

Well, I've never had a girl go down on me for the express purpose of sucking me off, but licking as a part of foreplay and other crotch-to-mouth activities, yes, and plenty of. But... stimulation, shall we say, by such means has always been relatively minimal, I guess. Besides, I'm generally waaaaaaaaaaay more into getting her off than myself.

Bara_no_Hime:
Also... her giving you a handjob where you finish on her back? **thinks about the layout** Wouldn't that be an awkward angle to give hand-jobs from? I've only ever had it on the back when using coitus-interuptis in doggy style.

First time was by accident, she was reclining on top of me while I was pleasuring her, she grabbed me, shifted her body slightly for convenience before going nuts (in a number of ways)... really hard to describe, despite remembering it quite... vividly...

Vern5:
I can't help but feel that I'm within the right age bracket so that any sexual quirks are more funny than strange.

If you want a strange but funny quirk; when I get too aroused too quickly I sneeze. Everyone I tell always looks at me funny when I sneeze normally. I am not aroused by dust people!

Vern5:
The idea of being with a crier bothers me. I worry enough about inadvertently hurting my partner as it is. Constant sobbing would probably leave me more traumatized than elated.

I was with a woman who was halfway there, not a full blown sober, but someone who expressed happiness and joy with tears. It was awkward. I was really freaked out our first time, but she explained she was just so happy I was good in bed she couldn't contain herself. I do want to be flattered by that, but it's still strange to me.

Vern5:
And while we're on the topic of screamers as well, I can say that it only becomes a problem depending on the pitch of her voice. The high range screeching is annoying but the low to middle range moaning-turn-screaming is more suitable. Also, it sounds like your screamer was right up against your ear. If so, you have my pity.

You think I would have learned after her first big moment. But no, I figured I was deaf enough at that point I wouldn't hear the next 7 (I was so, so very wrong). When she asked if my roommates were home I thought it was a general privacy thing. I'm fairly certain I concerned some of the neighbors... or inspired them.

I also realized another type I had forgotten about that confused me; the shaker. Everyone tenses a little bit, shakes some, but this was serious full blown full body spasms like a minor earthquake; you could've mixed paint.

Pretty much anyone that seems to suffer from an extreme case of "anything" always gets me to raise an eyebrow.

*****

For those few that mentioned sex and sleep, you might have a case of sexsomnia. I have a case of it to, and it's led to interesting conversations in the morning or partners waking me up in the middle of the night demanding I finish the job. Pesky sleep disorders!

SckizoBoy:
Well, I've never had a girl go down on me for the express purpose of sucking me off, but licking as a part of foreplay and other crotch-to-mouth activities, yes, and plenty of. But... stimulation, shall we say, by such means has always been relatively minimal, I guess. Besides, I'm generally waaaaaaaaaaay more into getting her off than myself.

Aahh.

Blow jobs are hard work. I can count the number of blow jobs I've actually brought to orgasm. Even with hands, it's hard to actually get a guy all the way there. Possible, sure, but it takes a long time and a lot of work and... honestly, at that point, I'd rather just have sex with the guy.

So great foreplay, but not a great finisher. At least not frequently.

SckizoBoy:
First time was by accident, she was reclining on top of me while I was pleasuring her, she grabbed me, shifted her body slightly for convenience before going nuts (in a number of ways)... really hard to describe, despite remembering it quite... vividly...

That makes more sense. Still, sounds like an awkward angle to actually achieve orgasm from. Then again, excitement can overcome a lot of difficulty with positions.

Bara_no_Hime:
Blow jobs are hard work. I can count the number of blow jobs I've actually brought to orgasm.

*opens mouth* *closes mouth* ... I'll take your word for it! =P

Even with hands, it's hard to actually get a guy all the way there. Possible, sure, but it takes a long time and a lot of work and... honestly, at that point, I'd rather just have sex with the guy.

So great foreplay, but not a great finisher. At least not frequently.

Seems a fair assessment. Perhaps I'm a bit too into roleplaying to actually want/appreciate an extended blowjob... *shrug* I've always been curious about how much one can be stimulated during foreplay without physical contact (or light contact at most). It can make the sex itself somewhat explosive, I guess you could say...

That makes more sense. Still, sounds like an awkward angle to actually achieve orgasm from. Then again, excitement can overcome a lot of difficulty with positions.

I'm turned on by... certain noises... she was making a lot of them!

Ah, I just remembered another one.
My family rents out some small apartments for students in a building next to our house (it used to be a stable).
One of the students that were renting with us a while ago was a screamer. Or moaner. She was loud in any case.
I could frequently hear her while trying to sleep, and I knew my parents could hear her too, which was awkward in and of itself.
That's not the story though.

I think it was during some sort of large scale visit at my house. I can't remember everyone that were visiting, but I remember my little sister (2 years younger than me) had at least one friend over (1 year younger than her).
They had decided to have a sleep-over in one of the apartments we weren't renting out at the moment. It happened to be the one located straight above ms. moaner's room.
Going to bed that night, I could hear her going at it again.
The next morning, my mom told me of how my little sister had come over in the middle of the night saying that her friend thought there were some dogs trapped and in pain in the apartment below them. My mom had to go over there and knock on the door.
Way to cockblock, little girl.

SckizoBoy:

Bara_no_Hime:
Blow jobs are hard work. I can count the number of blow jobs I've actually brought to orgasm.

*opens mouth* *closes mouth* ... I'll take your word for it! =P

What? They are hard work!

Or did you mean the counting thing? I was going to say I could count the number of times I'd gotten a guy off using only my mouth on one hand, but then I realized that that wasn't very helpful since mouth-only is basically the worst way to go. Hand and mouth works better, and I've succeeded at that more often - enough that hands (and toes) were not really a useful counting tool anymore.

As far as knowing the number... well, I'm kind of proud of the times I've successfully gotten a guy off with a blow job. It's not easy. Particularly since...

SckizoBoy:
I'm turned on by... certain noises... she was making a lot of them!

This. I've found that one of the best ways to get a guy off is to be vocal with my pleasure. Sure, I can do it quietly (oh, there's another story!) but I've noticed that guys tend to reach their peak faster if I'm louder.

The problem is, this is an issue during blow jobs. They require concentration - it's hard to keep teeth away from sensitive bits, to breathe properly, etc - and it is pretty much impossible to pay proper attention to a blow job while someone is pleasuring ME. However, if I stop letting the guy pleasure me, and concentrate on him, my lack of "certain noises" actually makes the guy in question less aroused, and thus makes the blow job (or hand job) take longer.

That's one reason I actually prefer giving hand-jobs. They require a lot less concentration, and I can give one while getting one myself.

Jonluw:
lol snip

Since you didn't specify, I thought... by herself?! And reading it again... by herself?!

Bara_no_Hime:
What? They are hard work!

LOL, made a poor joke with the whole '*opens mouth* *closes mouth*' bit. That said, now you mention toes... I would've thought that a foot-job would be difficult at the best of times for most women, and I personally can't see it being that appealing.

As far as knowing the number... well, I'm kind of proud of the times I've successfully gotten a guy off with a blow job. It's not easy. Particularly since...

SckizoBoy:
I'm turned on by... certain noises... she was making a lot of them!

This. I've found that one of the best ways to get a guy off is to be vocal with my pleasure. Sure, I can do it quietly (oh, there's another story!) but I've noticed that guys tend to reach their peak faster if I'm louder.

The problem is, this is an issue during blow jobs. They require concentration - it's hard to keep teeth away from sensitive bits, to breathe properly, etc - and it is pretty much impossible to pay proper attention to a blow job while someone is pleasuring ME. However, if I stop letting the guy pleasure me, and concentrate on him, my lack of "certain noises" actually makes the guy in question less aroused, and thus makes the blow job (or hand job) take longer.

That's one reason I actually prefer giving hand-jobs. They require a lot less concentration, and I can give one while getting one myself.

Probably a reason why I wouldn't be so into blowjobs then... my hands must be occupied! So the noises are generally a part of the deal regardless.

And feel free with the story... I've got one about... a complete loss of concentration... ¬_¬

Well, there's that time that my first girlfriend broke up with me because I wouldn't have sex with her. That was a lark...

SckizoBoy:
LOL, made a poor joke with the whole '*opens mouth* *closes mouth*' bit. That said, now you mention toes... I would've thought that a foot-job would be difficult at the best of times for most women, and I personally can't see it being that appealing.

Egads, no. Ick.

That is one Japanese fetish I have never understood. Really, what is the appeal?

I mean, I've watched porn of it (the internet is a terrible and yet wonderful thing) and I still don't understand how it's supposed to work. How could that possibly be pleasurable for... anyone involved? I just do not get it.

SckizoBoy:
And feel free with the story... I've got one about... a complete loss of concentration... ¬_¬

I'm in the middle of something at the moment. Just had time for a quick check and reply.

Remind me later and I will. If I don't remember, it's the story about trying to have sex as quietly as possible because of where we were at the time.

SckizoBoy:

Jonluw:
lol snip

Since you didn't specify, I thought... by herself?! And reading it again... by herself?!

Hm...
I'm assuming she wasn't by herself. I never asked her; although the story might've been more entertaining if I did.
I can't imagine anyone getting that much into it with an inanimate object though.
(Do toys count as inanimate if they vibrate?)

Bara_no_Hime:

SckizoBoy:
I'm turned on by... certain noises... she was making a lot of them!

This. I've found that one of the best ways to get a guy off is to be vocal with my pleasure.

+1 to this notion.
Sensual noises can be some of the most arounsing things there are. In fact, at times I can have a hard *snicker* time enjoying porn if the actress doesn't make sounds like she's in pleasure. The more convincing, the better.
I really dislike the whole loud screaming and dirty talk stuff. Oh, and when the actresses start sounding like they're having an orgasm from the moment go and just keep going throughout the act. I need some sense of progression damn it.
It's not just limited to pleasure noises though. Just the sounds related to the physical act can do a lot to make porn more engaging.

Bara_no_Hime:
Egads, no. Ick.

That is one Japanese fetish I have never understood. Really, what is the appeal?

I mean, I've watched porn of it (the internet is a terrible and yet wonderful thing) and I still don't understand how it's supposed to work. How could that possibly be pleasurable for... anyone involved? I just do not get it.

Didn't think it was an exlusively Japanese fetish... still, agree with the bemusement. Foot-job means nothing else can happen unless she's sitting on his face. If that's the case, then they've got some issues going on there...(!)

I'm in the middle of something at the moment. Just had time for a quick check and reply.

Remind me later and I will. If I don't remember, it's the story about trying to have sex as quietly as possible because of where we were at the time.

Whenever you can/want... and, may as well:

In an effort to reproduce what happened the first time she gave me a handjob while on top of me, I was pleasuring her but when she started pumping away, she was already close to climaxing, and she... can't really control her body when she cums and alternately tenses up and flails. Just my luck, her hand tenses up and her other hand (or rather, the arm) flails. She has a strong grip... and I may have enjoyed that sensation more than I should have (insomuch as, I did), prior to getting her elbow in my face.

Jonluw:
Hm...
I'm assuming she wasn't by herself. I never asked her; although the story might've been more entertaining if I did.
I can't imagine anyone getting that much into it with an inanimate object though.
(Do toys count as inanimate if they vibrate?)

I would've thought so... Still, maybe you should've gotten someone to masquerade as a paranormal detective and gotten them to 'investigate the disturbances'...(!)

I'm not telling you anything too horrendously embarrassing (read as: any where I embarrass myself, only when I embarrass other people), I have some pride.

Anyway, a while back my then-girlfriend's parents weren't around and we'd had a small party with a few other friends. We were having a quiet morning shag, and, thinking we'd still be asleep, all of our friends decided to wake us up by running in and having a pile-on on top of us. If it wasn't bad enough, as things got driven in a bit from the added weight , she had to (rather unsuccessfully) hide an orgasm.

I'm twenty one. I haven't had sex.

That, my friends, is embarassing.

Elementary - Dear Watson:

I also would like to learn of the whereabouts of this kind of establishment... not to visit, but just because I have heard of them too! :S

Sounds like a Brighton, or Weston Super-Mare... or even somewhere like Scunthorpe, Watford, Grimsby or Bognor Regis... basically anywhere dire and not so nice to visit[1]! :P

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeey Brighton's not that bad. I find that offensive actually pretty accurate, the clubs here are pretty grim.

On topic, I banged a straight guy. I'm pretty proud of that. Not embarrassing for me so much though I guess.

[1] To those who live in any of those places... I am sorry, but your home towns are pretty shit... but you know what... so is mine, so it is ok!

Palfreyfish:
On topic, I banged a straight guy. I'm pretty proud of that. Not embarrassing for me so much though I guess.

**checks profile - notes that you are male**

So, how did that happen? You really didn't share the story so much as the result. And, if the guy let you have sex with him, doesn't that at least make him bi (or closeted bi or something)?

Vault101:

ElPatron:

Vault101:
back in highschool bunch of freinds asked if I had "hooked up with a guy yet"....

...I had not...

Achievement unlocked! You would be much more preferable than a girl with several "miles" in the odometer.

I kind of get what your saying...but I dont like the Idea that "virginity" is some big special "asset" girls have....kind of goes back to the days where women were property

By that I didn't mean "unscratched". I'm not the kind of person who would outright refuse to date someone like a porn star.

It's just that during highschool... If someone is ~17 then it's normal, but it's not unheard of people who never even kissed anyone by that point - and honestly I am much more inclined to like that kind of people.

Palfreyfish:
On topic, I banged a straight guy. I'm pretty proud of that. Not embarrassing for me so much though I guess.

How did you manage that?

OT: I have some friends who decided to head to bed in the spare room in my house at a party. On the slightly creaky bed. They were drunk and had misjudged exactly where the room was in relation to the downstairs area. Directly above where everyone was sitting around drinking. Fun times.

The same couple again.. This time at his flat. She can be noisy and one night I sent them each txt messages of encouragement while they were going at it. Several minutes later there was a burst of laughter from upstairs.

I got raped in a bathroom once, I was completely smashed and couldn't have prevented it if I had tried...

Now that I've given your minds time to wander, it wasn't what you're probably thinking. While I was in NO position to resist whatsoever even if I had wanted to, I was still coherent enough to know what was going on. Being that coherent, I had no intentions to stop anything at all.

You're probably thinking I'm some kind of sexual deviant now, maybe I am to an extent, I DID enjoy every second of it. Alright, I suppose I should stop toying with whoever reads this. This didn't happen at some bus station or anything like that, it happened within the safety of my own home. You're probably imagining the rapist as some shadowy figure, this is also not the case, I knew this person (which might be worse in some of your minds). No, the rapist happened to be my girlfriend at the time, and me being a man, got one hell of a thrill out of the experience. She totally took advantage of my drunken ass there on the bathroom floor. So, I wasn't violated by any means, but since this might be a letdown for a few of you, I guess I should mention one additional piece of info in order to perk the story back up a bit. I'd totally just gotten through puking my guts out beforehand. I was freshly back from Iraq and my tolerance was at an all time low. I can't imagine her kissing me tasted good whatsoever, but she didn't say anything about it the next day.

I've got more stories, if anyone is interested.

This didn't happen to me but a guy I know was in his flat having sex with his girlfriend at the time in the middle of the day and after they were finished they decided to get something to eat in the kitchen. Since none of his flatmates were home at the time they thought that it was pointless to get dressed and walked out naked and started rummaging around the kitchen. For some reason neither of them realised for about 5 minutes that one of their walls was almost completely glass and that the curtains were not closed. When he noticed he realised that there were two girls looking over at them in horror and instead of doing the usual "Oh I'm so embarrassed, I must cover myself and run" he decided to smile and wave.

They moved out a few days later. The two girls I mean.

I still don't know why he told us this story. I'm assuming he thought we would all laugh with him and whatnot but we all just though he was an idiot.

ElPatron:
snip.

well I didnt do the "tounge dance" untill I was at least 18....(at the time I was like "so this is it huh"....what the big deal?)

I never saw the big deal with "making out" with guys..its not sex, I mean the opertunity doesnt come along for some people..that doesnt make you a nun or social cripple

Bara_no_Hime:
There was a two-foot long piece of two-by-four on the ground.

Surely the 2 in 2 by 4 would indicate it is 2 feet long thus negating the need to say it was 2 feet long?

Matthew94:

Bara_no_Hime:
There was a two-foot long piece of two-by-four on the ground.

Surely the 2 in 2 by 4 would indicate it is 2 feet long thus negating the need to say it was 2 feet long?

Nope, with wood the measurements stand for the 3D dimensions height and width. So a 2 X 4 would by 2 inches high and 4 inches wide, while it can be any length.
God, I'm getting off topic now...

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 NEXT

Reply to Thread

This thread is locked