WTF Australia?!?!?!

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Meh, even outside of Australia, the spider in the OP isn't all that remarkable.

renegade7:

the clockmaker:
In my twenty years in this country I have been attacked by

- A mate got stung by a platypus.

They can STING you too? Holy shit, how are platypi not the dominant species of the world yet...

They have a small spur on their hind limbs. The male's version of it can deliver a dose of venom. Its strong enough to kill a small animal, but is not likely to permanently harm a person. Although the venom does cause enough pain to incapacitate.

lmao, drop bears.

Jeff Hanneman from Slayer got a flesh-eating disease, I think it was called Necrotizing Fasciitis, from a spider in Australia, so I'm not too eager to go down under anytime soon.

Final First:

the clockmaker:
In my twenty years in this country I have been attacked by
-A king brown snake (survival tip 1-thick pants)
-A roo
-An Emu
-A cockatoo (fuckers can bite like all hell)
-Magpaies, lots of magpies.
-A saltie, (thank fuck I got behind that fence)
-All of the spiders (except white tails)
-a scorpian
-as well as a whole swathe of non-native animals
In addtion
-a frill necked lizard put my uncle in hospital
-I saw a wombat fuck up another wombat (who knew that they even fought)
-A guest got fucked up by a koala that she tried to touch (retard)
- A mate got stung by a platypus.

No wonder why they dumped prisoners there and left them for dead.

Know what's scarier than all of that? The prisoners who were dumped there and left for dead? Lived.

Also, this I feel is relevant: http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.118413-The-Sydney-Funnel-Web-Unfair

Yeah, I dunno if I trust what Aussies say about their homeland. I might visit for a week or two, but I'd never be able to live there. First time I saw a huntsman sitting on my wall? I'd need new pants. And god forbid I ever woke up with one sitting on my face like some other Escapambilidandoes have said happened to them.

Hazy992:
Just when I'd heard it all, just when I thought Australian wildlife couldn't get any more terrifying; fucking SNAKE-EATING SPIDER!! It's a spider. And it eats snakes. What. The. FUCK.

This is why I could never go to Australia. Even knowing this was on the same land mass as me would scare the shit out of me. Hell I'm having trouble with the fact it's on the same planet as me! How the hell do you guys not go insane?!

Discussion value: The spiders. How do we destroy them?

Australia is the only place in the world where "death by natural causes" is the most terrifying option.

I think Tv tropes sums it up pretty well
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/EverythingTryingToKillYou
Scroll down there's and there's an entire section called 'Real life- Australia'

Oh holy shit, Australian friends. As an American concerned with the problems of my country, I propose we throw our problems together.That's right, we lock corrupt politicians and reality show stars in a room and we can make them fight your natural dangers to the fucking death.

The Rascal King:
Oh holy shit, Australian friends. As an American concerned with the problems of my country, I propose we throw our problems together.That's right, we lock corrupt politicians and reality show stars in a room and we can make them fight your natural dangers to the fucking death.

Now there's a reality tv show I'd be willing to watch.

Although, we wouldn't want the producers of said reality shows, or the lawyers that beg for a chance to prey on other's misfortune to feel left out, so lets toss them in too along with a few of the larger predators from other countries. Watching a pompous blowhard running from a pack of hyenas would be quite amusing, especially if he gets away only to be felled by the tiny ass spider that clung to his slacks.

Big spider... must squish.

Australia: An arachnophobic's worst nightmare.

The Rascal King:
Oh holy shit, Australian friends. As an American concerned with the problems of my country, I propose we throw our problems together.That's right, we lock corrupt politicians and reality show stars in a room and we can make them fight your natural dangers to the fucking death.

Agreed

Hazy992:

Goofguy:
I'm not going insane because I live on the other side of the planet and I challenge that spider to come survive a Canadian winter.

You know what, fuck it I'm moving to Antarctica. Let's see them get me there!

Watch out for the killer penguin queens though. They're brutal.

And I let all the spiders around here stay in my home. They kill all the other bugs for me. Hell, I've watched them catch one once or twice. They really spin the captive quickly.

Hazy992:

Goofguy:
I'm not going insane because I live on the other side of the planet and I challenge that spider to come survive a Canadian winter.

You know what, fuck it I'm moving to Antarctica. Let's see them get me there!

but you will never experience the joy of punching a koala bear in the face!


someone please think of the koala bears!

Oh Australia, always making the rest of the world's wildlife flee in terror...
image

Nouw:
The only good bug is a dead bug. Would you like to know more?

image

why yes, yes i would like to.

OT: that is...;asjkfd;sajdf;lsda.fuck spiders. fuck snakes. I am going to invent a heat seaking agent orange flamethrower to kill em all.

..And yet another reason why I shall never, ever enter the vicinity of Australia without a lot of really effective smashing tools within reach at all times. Everywhere.

Australia's wildlife really hates arachnophobes such as myself..

If spiders were not useful to the ecosystem, I would torch every last one of them. I swear it..

:/

Jegsimmons:

may i point out that bears do not normally eat or attack people unless provoked, are big and fuzzy, and when young they look like this:
image

that and they dont lay icky ass bug eggs, eat their mother when born, are mammals, lack exoskeleton, eat plants as much as meat, and are the inspiration to teddy bears.
id rather have my 5 year old around a bear cub than around a god damn spider that could eat it.

Shit man, that bear looks like it has murderous intent. It looks like it's about to commit a crime most foul.

So we now have snake eating spiders on are hands. Thankfully natures already got our back. We just need to introduce some tarantula hawks to Australia and the giant spiders won't be a problem anymore.

image

Yes, New Vegas players. They're real!

It's not like you will walk down the street in a city and be attacked by are fucking deadly wildlife.
It kills you when stupid tourists wonder into our Forests n shit :P
Or the desert, then again, you will probably die of dehydration before something poisons you.

To the point, Australia is fucking awesome, if you hate snake/bird eating spiders, don't go outside the suburbs :P

All cracked ever did for me is give me a deeper understanding on the complexity that is vegemite.

Jegsimmons:

android88:
The same way we do with the other billion weird and dangerous wildlife in Australia, don't think about it.

that may work until you fall asleep and the little fuckers have laid eggs in your eyes and the mother is literally eating out you ass hole while you scream but its too late and the eggs hatched, went through your brain, shat, and another mother is makeing its way leg first through your mouth from your stomach with the nasty-est taste imaginable and a mother fucking WETA crawls out from behind your eye!!!!

OH DEAR JESUS I CAN TOUCH THE FLOOR ANYMORE!!!!!!! EVERYTHING IS FUCKING LAVA!!!!!

doesn't work that way. Most of these big scary spiders don't go near towns as they are just as afraid of us as we are of them. If anything our most dangerous spider is the red back and that is quite small.

The Artificially Prolonged:
So we now have snake eating spiders on are hands. Thankfully natures already got our back. We just need to introduce some tarantula hawks to Australia and the giant spiders won't be a problem anymore.

Yes, New Vegas players. They're real!

WTF IS THAT?! KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!

imnotparanoid:
I think Tv tropes sums it up pretty well
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/EverythingTryingToKillYou
Scroll down there's and there's an entire section called 'Real life- Australia'

If I ever needed proof that there is no god, then this is it;

TV Tropes:
Platypodes aren't merely venomous, they have probably the most terrifying venom in nature. The other animals on this list will just kill you, the Platypus isn't that humane. Its venom attacks the victim's pain receptors, cranking them Up to Eleven and ripping off the knob. It causes pain so horrible that even the highest non-lethal dose of morphine isn't enough. To stop the pain, doctors actually have to physically sever the nerve from the affected area to the brain because that's the only thing powerful enough.

The only course of action at this point is to nuke Australia into oblivion.

As sad as it would be for the world and those still living in Australia, I believe that we'll have to sterilize the whole place sooner rather than later.

There isn't a single living organism on that land that doesn't have it out for someone or something, 99% of the wildlife there is scary as fuck, and the god damn land itself is trying to kill you.

Holy Fuck.

Imagine if all that managed to get off the island.

The horror. The horror.

NOTE: Paragon Fury does not actually recommend the complete annihilation of a whole area, and the above post was merely jest.

Well, except for the part about everything on that island being deadly. Paragon Fury ain't going no where near Australia, ever. He does not wish to be on the menu for every living thing in a 50 mile radius.

TheVioletBandit:

the clockmaker:
In my twenty years in this country I have been attacked by
-A king brown snake (survival tip 1-thick pants)
-A roo
-An Emu
-A cockatoo (fuckers can bite like all hell)
-Magpaies, lots of magpies.
-A saltie, (thank fuck I got behind that fence)
-All of the spiders (except white tails)
-a scorpian
-as well as a whole swathe of non-native animals
In addtion
-a frill necked lizard put my uncle in hospital
-I saw a wombat fuck up another wombat (who knew that they even fought)
-A guest got fucked up by a koala that she tried to touch (retard)
- A mate got stung by a platypus.

I read that the platypus sting is one of the most painful stings on the planet. Did you friend talk about the pain much?

well whenver I ave him shit about being fucked up by mother natures 'misc' pile, he would glare at me and tell me that it wasn't funny.

the clockmaker:
Magpaies, lots of magpies.

I was attacked by one of those at a golf course once. OP yep we have some pretty nasty wild life here.

This thread is worse than the scary thread, it's a miracle anyone in Australia is till alive.

At least the dreaded African Todger Fish isn't found there, so that makes one scary animal that isn't Ozzie.

The Artificially Prolonged:
So we now have snake eating spiders on are hands. Thankfully natures already got our back. We just need to introduce some tarantula hawks to Australia and the giant spiders won't be a problem anymore.

image

Yes, New Vegas players. They're real!

We saw them out in the Mojave this Spring Break. I'm from England so I've never seen such a fucked, cruel mockery of life before. I ran like hell.

EDI: A researcher describing being stung by one: "...immediate, excruciating pain that simply shuts down one's ability to do anything, except, perhaps, scream. Mental discipline simply does not work in these situations."

I'm glad I ran.

Hazy992:

Joseph Alexander:

Hazy992:
Ah yes Cracked. They introduced me to the terror of giant blue earthworms

pfft, you kidding?
we got worms that'll chew their way into your flesh.

tip, wear boots.

You know, you guys really aren't encouraging me to go to Australia :P

actually, i was talking about here in the US.

there are some fucked up things here in the Americas.
and no i don't just mean the fish that swims up your dick and stabs you.

but yeah, Australia wins the "places that maybe we should consider glassing for the good of the world" contest.

Lonely Packager:
In Australia, we have a custom called, 'toughening of the men'.
All newborn male babies are abandoned in the great outback and it's up to them to find their way back home.
They must endure blistering heat, countless venomous creatures, lack of water and boxing kangaroos.
The only way to survive is to adapt to the environment - learning to live off nature and to be able to win a fight against an emu.
All babies that do not survive are deemed not worthy anyway. The ones that do survive grow up to be Saxton Hale equivalents.

True story.

Oh, and do not try to squash the spiders, that only makes them angrier.

That was some tough shit as a baby, I remember me and my comrades braving the intense heat only to be attacked by dropbears. The worst part was by far

almost as deadly as the spiders. almost.

It's Australia. If they sit around long enough they'll discover what eats that spider too.......

GriffinStallion:

Lonely Packager:
In Australia, we have a custom called, 'toughening of the men'.
All newborn male babies are abandoned in the great outback and it's up to them to find their way back home.
They must endure blistering heat, countless venomous creatures, lack of water and boxing kangaroos.
The only way to survive is to adapt to the environment - learning to live off nature and to be able to win a fight against an emu.
All babies that do not survive are deemed not worthy anyway. The ones that do survive grow up to be Saxton Hale equivalents.

True story.

Oh, and do not try to squash the spiders, that only makes them angrier.

That was some tough shit as a baby, I remember me and my comrades braving the intense heat only to be attacked by dropbears. The worst part was by far

almost as deadly as the spiders. almost.

Spiders = assassins of the night.

Also, I like looking through this thread. It makes me proud. It's obviously scared the shit out of a lot people - which I'm glad it did.

Come visit Australia, where eveything is trying to kill you.

Hazy992:

The Artificially Prolonged:
So we now have snake eating spiders on are hands. Thankfully natures already got our back. We just need to introduce some tarantula hawks to Australia and the giant spiders won't be a problem anymore.

Yes, New Vegas players. They're real!

WTF IS THAT?! KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!

That my friend is the Tarantula Hawk Wasp, named so because it hunts tarantulas. Packs quite a punch too with its sting. I don't think fire will be enough this time.

El Dwarfio:
A researcher describing being stung by one: "...immediate, excruciating pain that simply shuts down one's ability to do anything, except, perhaps, scream. Mental discipline simply does not work in these situations."

Thankfully roadrunners like to eat them so at least that is something. Though if I ever see one of these in England I will be immediately investing in a flamethrower and possible some sort of anti air weaponry.

Tallim:
It's Australia. If they sit around long enough they'll discover what eats that spider too.......

See this cute possum right here?
image

It eats spiders for breafast...literally.

So does this guy...
image

.No.:

Jegsimmons:

may i point out that bears do not normally eat or attack people unless provoked, are big and fuzzy, and when young they look like this:
image

that and they dont lay icky ass bug eggs, eat their mother when born, are mammals, lack exoskeleton, eat plants as much as meat, and are the inspiration to teddy bears.
id rather have my 5 year old around a bear cub than around a god damn spider that could eat it.

Shit man, that bear looks like it has murderous intent. It looks like it's about to commit a crime most foul.

maby it just sat down and its nuts touched ice?
and still, the thing adorable
"Raw, imma eat you!"
"dawww, you are just precious!"

android88:

Jegsimmons:

android88:
The same way we do with the other billion weird and dangerous wildlife in Australia, don't think about it.

that may work until you fall asleep and the little fuckers have laid eggs in your eyes and the mother is literally eating out you ass hole while you scream but its too late and the eggs hatched, went through your brain, shat, and another mother is makeing its way leg first through your mouth from your stomach with the nasty-est taste imaginable and a mother fucking WETA crawls out from behind your eye!!!!

OH DEAR JESUS I CAN TOUCH THE FLOOR ANYMORE!!!!!!! EVERYTHING IS FUCKING LAVA!!!!!

doesn't work that way. Most of these big scary spiders don't go near towns as they are just as afraid of us as we are of them. If anything our most dangerous spider is the red back and that is quite small.

why risk it?
napalm for everyone down under!!!!

everyone is mentioning drop bears....are they as deadly as the north american Snipe?

Hazy992:

Spartan1362:
I've lived in Australia all my life, 18 years, and the worst I've seen is a White Tail spider.
It's not that scary here.

LIES! You're just another cog in the Australian propaganda machine! You lure us in with your high standards of living and your beautiful natural scenery and then BOOM! Spider as big as your head hiding in your shower!

True bro True. My Family (cousins) live down their and they always say "hey you should come visit us some time, dont believe the all stories about the wildlife its not that dangerous here" but they LIE, David Attenborough tells me otherwise, I am not getting involved with all the Alligators and Black widow spiders down there. Plus they are second cousins anyway.

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