Irn Bru!

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Let me ask you a question. A very important question.

When was the last time you drank the sweat of god?

If your answer is anything other than 'I'm drinking it right now' then shut the hell up and feast on my teats of knowledge.

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Don't push, there's enough to go around.

When you think of Scotland, what comes to mind first?

Kilts?

Sean Connery?

Haggis?

Unintelligible English?

Those are all good answers, but they are all wrong.

The right answer is Irn Bru

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It's okay, I'll give you a minute.

Notice the colour?

Does it look familiar?

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Okay, I'll giver you another minute, but no more!

There is a direct and infallible correlation between the consumption of Irn Bru and the colour of a Scot's hair colour.

But this isn't why Irn Bru is the best soft drink in the Omniverse.

Irn Bru is the only soft drink that has caused wars.

Remember Brave Heart

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Ignore Gibson, he's not important.

Notice the background?

Has your mind been blown?

The First War of Scottish Independence wasn't fought for independence, no, the Scots wanted to keep the secret formula to themselves, the treacherous bastards.

This wasn't like the American Revolution, oh no, we didn't really give a toss about them.

No, this was a war the English were not willing to back out of.

The Great British Food God demanded that the knowledge of the Bru be shared by all his people so that discord may not be sowed.

"But Daystar, you furtive pygmy you, Why Irn Bru and not Iron Brew?"

That's a good question.

And now for some actual facts (no, really).

Well, back in the day, a drink could only be labeled 'brew' if it was actually brewed. As we all now know, Irn Bru is not brewed, it is sweat from the mighty pits of god himself, so how was this obstacle overcome?

Change the name? No, that would be to admit defeat. Take out a couple of letters, that should fool 'em.

And it did.

To this day, Irn Bru outsells Coca Cola (blasphemous American beverage) in it's home country.

It's so good that cows consider it a personal insult not to be consumed with the beverage.

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See?

And cows never lie.

Never.

...Wow...you just made me realise a lot of people won't know what Irn Bru is.
...poor...poor people:/.

Glorious beverage.
Didn't even answer the question.
I had 2L last...wednesday. 1 from Poundland. MMMMHMMM.

Damn it Daystar! I thought the reason I always invade Scotland first in Medieval II was a well kept secret! But now you have seen my motives and shared them with the world...

Also, from the wikipedia page:

One billboard featured a young woman in a bikini along with the slogan "I never knew four-and-a-half inches could give so much pleasure"

LAUGH OUT FUCKING LOUD. Best advertisement ever.

Ah Irn Bru, made from girders and Stuff.

BlueberryMUNCH:
...Wow...you just made me realise a lot of people won't know what Irn Bru is.
...poor...poor people:/.

Glorious beverage.
Didn't even answer the question.
I had 2L last...wednesday. 1 from Poundland. MMMMHMMM.

I love that it's cheaper than every other brand name soft drink on the market.

SmashLovesTitanQuest:
Damn it Daystar! I thought the reason I always invade Scotland first in Medieval II was a well kept secret! But now you have seen my motives and shared them with the world...

Also, from the wikipedia page:

One billboard featured a young woman in a bikini along with the slogan "I never knew four-and-a-half inches could give so much pleasure"

LAUGH OUT FUCKING LOUD. Best advertisement ever.

I hope I don't cause any international incidents by unleashing this knowledge on the world...

Daystar I think you'll find this is the greatest beverage in the omniverse, Irn Bru's retarded cousin that is sweat from the pits of Lucifer himself.

RED KOLA
image

ToTaL LoLiGe:
Daystar I think you'll find this is the greatest beverage in the omniverse, Irn Bru's retarded cousin that is sweat from the pits of Lucifer himself.

RED KOLA
image

The Anti-Bru has reared it's ugly head.

Prepare yourselves men...

Fuck you and your inferior Scottish beverages. Behold the nectar of the gods
image

Daystar Clarion:

ToTaL LoLiGe:
Daystar I think you'll find this is the greatest beverage in the omniverse, Irn Bru's retarded cousin that is sweat from the pits of Lucifer himself.

RED KOLA
image

The Anti-Bru has reared it's ugly head.

Prepare yourselves men...

It's cheaper than Irn Bru by one pence *Evil laugh*

I am sorry to correct you, but you have this backwards. Hadrians Wall was built to keep out the The Bru drinkers. You see, it is just too tangy, to mind-blowingly orange for a normal human too consume it and keep his sanity.

Worse still, it gave its drinkers the courage of Satan himself. These were a people not to be dealt with, and must be avoided.

For hundreds of years, we quarantined our northern brethren, lest the orange madness spread, until, on our travels we discovered the cure. (and promptly did the decent thing of invading the country it came from)image

After years of trials, in the early 1700s it was deemed that they had calmed down enough to let them mingle with the rest of us.

Hazy992:
Fuck you and your inferior Scottish beverages. Behold the nectar of the gods
image

So it has come to this.

For millenia, we have been been allies, Hazy.

But now here we stand.

As enemies.

Danm, it has been a reall really long time since I had one of those. Last time I could of possibly had one of those were during my highschool years (several years ago). Maybe I should just buy one at the store where I work since I do restock/ move those drinks around as my job, may as well get something out of it.

Daystar Clarion:
So it has come to this.

For millenia, we have been been allies, Hazy.

But now here we stand.

As enemies.

Very well, but on your head be it

ClockworkPenguin:
I am sorry to correct you, but you have this backwards. Hadrians Wall was built to keep out the The Bru drinkers. You see, it is just too tangy, to mind-blowingly orange for a normal human too consume it and keep his sanity.

Worse still, it gave its drinkers the courage of Satan himself. These were a people not to be dealt with, and must be avoided.

For hundreds of years, we quarantined our northern brethren, lest the orange madness spread, until, on our travels we discovered the cure. (and promptly did the decent thing of invading the country it came from)image

After years of trials, in the early 1700s it was deemed that they had calmed down enough to let them mingle with the rest of us.

I'm sorry but who is Head Professor of Irn Bruology?

A subject that I totally didn't just make up and have been Head Professor of for more than a thousand years?

You?

No, I didn't think so.

I never thought it was that good. The english and scottish peasants will think anything is great due to what they are used to.

Whoever pissed in that bottle really needs to go see a doctor.

subtlefuge:
Whoever pissed in that bottle really needs to go see a doctor.

You think God needs to go see a doctor?

...

Get out.

God Irn Brew is the most awful drink in the world.

Hate that stuff. DISPOSE OF IT ALL!!

FamoFunk:
God Irn Brew is the most awful drink in the world.

Hate that stuff. DISPOSE OF IT ALL!!

You too.

Get out.

I don't want to see you on my internets.

once in cadets we pissed in someones iron bru...they didnt notice the difference
image

so yeh, i hate iron bru, but lucazade is the good stuff because it actually works well as an energy drink

Daystar Clarion:

ClockworkPenguin:
I am sorry to correct you, but you have this backwards. Hadrians Wall was built to keep out the The Bru drinkers. You see, it is just too tangy, to mind-blowingly orange for a normal human too consume it and keep his sanity.

Worse still, it gave its drinkers the courage of Satan himself. These were a people not to be dealt with, and must be avoided.

For hundreds of years, we quarantined our northern brethren, lest the orange madness spread, until, on our travels we discovered the cure. (and promptly did the decent thing of invading the country it came from)image

After years of trials, in the early 1700s it was deemed that they had calmed down enough to let them mingle with the rest of us.

I'm sorry but who is Head Professor of Irn Bruology?

A subject that I totally didn't just make up and have been Head Professor of for more than a thousand years?

You?

No, I didn't think so.

Well sir, you are clearly not keeping up with modern developments in the field (specifically, one 5 miles north of Kilmarnock). The problem of holding a position for too long I suppose. As Chair of the Institute of Beverage Studies I have, working with a crack team of sniffer haggis' unearthed archaeological evidence from the Irn Age which clearly supports my quarantine theories.

Daystar Clarion:

FamoFunk:
God Irn Brew is the most awful drink in the world.

Hate that stuff. DISPOSE OF IT ALL!!

You too.

Get out.

I don't want to see you on my internets.

image

You need to get out until you make another fantastic British food thread.

ClockworkPenguin:

Daystar Clarion:

ClockworkPenguin:
I am sorry to correct you, but you have this backwards. Hadrians Wall was built to keep out the The Bru drinkers. You see, it is just too tangy, to mind-blowingly orange for a normal human too consume it and keep his sanity.

Worse still, it gave its drinkers the courage of Satan himself. These were a people not to be dealt with, and must be avoided.

For hundreds of years, we quarantined our northern brethren, lest the orange madness spread, until, on our travels we discovered the cure. (and promptly did the decent thing of invading the country it came from)image

After years of trials, in the early 1700s it was deemed that they had calmed down enough to let them mingle with the rest of us.

I'm sorry but who is Head Professor of Irn Bruology?

A subject that I totally didn't just make up and have been Head Professor of for more than a thousand years?

You?

No, I didn't think so.

Well sir, you are clearly not keeping up with modern developments in the field (specifically, one 5 miles north of Kilmarnock). The problem of holding a position for too long I suppose. As Chair of the Institute of Beverage Studies I have, working with a crack team of sniffer haggis' unearthed archaeological evidence from the Irn Age which clearly supports my quarantine theories.

Hmm, interesting.

The Irn Age you say?

Yes, I'm familiar with the obscurity of that time period.

This requires more study, and by more study, I mean drinking more Bru.

Only inferior beings need taste such beverages. For by tasting them, they are granded a surge of energy, which, in their blissful ignorance, they believe to be the very essence of the gods.

How wrong they are.

FamoFunk:

Daystar Clarion:

FamoFunk:
God Irn Brew is the most awful drink in the world.

Hate that stuff. DISPOSE OF IT ALL!!

You too.

Get out.

I don't want to see you on my internets.

image

You need to get out until you make another fantastic British food thread.

Is that all I am to you?

A deliverer of British food based threads?

...

I feel used...

HarryScull:
once in cadets we pissed in someones iron bru...they didnt notice the difference
image

so yeh, i hate iron bru, but lucazade is the good stuff because it actually works well as an energy drink

I read in the newspaper that Lucozade contains more calories than you're burning during exercise, they're meant for athletes and if your exercising it's best to drink water. I think I read it in the Mirror.

ToTaL LoLiGe:

Daystar Clarion:

ToTaL LoLiGe:
Daystar I think you'll find this is the greatest beverage in the omniverse, Irn Bru's retarded cousin that is sweat from the pits of Lucifer himself.

RED KOLA
image

The Anti-Bru has reared it's ugly head.

Prepare yourselves men...

It's cheaper than Irn Bru by one pence *Evil laugh*

Is it anything like Big Red? Because I'd like to put that up as America's entry in the nectar of the gods contest. It may not be as well known as most coke, pepsi, or heck, Royal Crown products, but who can say no to bubblegum flavored soda?

image

My Electronics teacher is Scottish and he lives off the stuff. I was in his office on review day and he had about 20, 2 litre bottles around the room, the guy is crazy.

Owyn_Merrilin:
Snip

I don't think it's anything like big red I've never tried it. I read about it on wikipedia and it doesn't seem anything like Big Red. Wiki reckons that Red Kola is made from Kola nut extracts.

ToTaL LoLiGe:

Owyn_Merrilin:
Snip

I don't think it's anything like big red I've never tried it. I read about it on wikipedia and it doesn't seem anything like Big Red. Wiki reckons that Red Kola is made from Kola nut extracts.

Oh, so it literally is a red cola, then. That would be interesting to try sometime.

Edit: Interestingly enough, according to Wiki, it's pretty much to cola what Big Red is to cream soda. Big Red isn't technically bubblegum flavored; the bubblegum flavor is a byproduct of what happens when you try to add citrus flavors to the vanilla of a traditional cream soda. It was originally called "Big Red Cream Soda" because of this. Red Kola is the same thing, except it's what happens when you add fruit to the flavor of the Kola Nut instead of whatever it is that makes Cola not unbearably bitter.

I want to try it. I love trying new sodas.

Plus they have wacky commercials.

From my own region, I recommend birch beer. It's tree flavored.

Dags90:
I want to try it. I love trying new sodas.

Plus they have wacky commercials.

From my own region, I recommend Birch Beer.

I've had birch beer. It's like Root Beer from an alternate universe where everything is better.

Edit: Heck, there ought to be a thread for "pepsi and coke suck for suppressing all of these awesome regional beverages." Is it too hipsterish of me to say that for every coke or pepsi product, there's a smaller company making a better equivalent?

Dags90:
I want to try it. I love trying new sodas.

Plus they have wacky commercials.

From my own region, I recommend birch beer. It's tree flavored.

I'm trying to think of another flavour to compare it to, but I just can't think of anything that tastes like Irn Bru.

Daystar Clarion:

Is that all I am to you?

A deliverer of British food based threads?

...

I feel used...

I, err, uh... IT WASN'T MEANT TO END LIKE THIS, I'M SORRY ;_;

P.S - Yes, yes you are!

Owyn_Merrilin:
I've had birch beer. It's like Root Beer from an alternate universe where everything is better.

Edit: Heck, there ought to be a thread for "pepsi and coke suck for suppressing all of these awesome regional beverages." Is it too hipsterish of me to say that for every coke or pepsi product, there's a smaller company making a better equivalent?

One time I accidentally confused my red birch beer with a sarsaparilla. So gross.

Daystar Clarion:
I'm trying to think of another flavour to compare it to, but I just can't think of anything that tastes like Irn Bru.

It looks like Peach Mello Yello to me. But I don't think it's peach flavored, that doesn't sound particularly Scottish.

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