Two Steps from Hell playing through my alarm clock, followed by coffee.

The thought of being able to continue playing video games.

Two alarms that wake me up at 5:30 in the morning so that I can get ready for teaching an 8:00 am recitation on Tuesdays and every other Thursday. One of those alarms is an app on my laptop simply called "Alarm Clock 2". I set an alarm for those days of the week, and it plays this from my iTunes:

i use might of the empire from RA3 and set it for 20 minutes before i need to get up its an epic song but you dont want it going off at full volume at 0600 and i am not a morning person so the 10 min snooze gets a bit of a work out

I have the Doctor Who opening play very loudly. That gets you up hella fast.

Simple, a few weeks ago I set my phone to play the following song when I need to get up at the highest possible volume:

Booze, and sometimes my alarm clock.

And there was a little sheep on a little log.

I get myself up in the morning...
If you get my drift.

Ok I I'm joking, I'm easy to get up in the morning...all I need is a splash of water on my face.

It's almost all been said or at least mentioned before, so...

bonus hidden message:

Grow the melonfarm up. Your dad meant well, but what he did was spoil you like the 11-year old puppy dog that still shits on the carpet when you annoy it by looking at it or dare to talk to someone else without begging for the dog's consent beforehand.

Take responsibility for yourself, and if you're too lazy to think of solutions yourself, try out the suggestions handed to you in this thread. One by one, as they're pretty much all valid.

I'd leave the live bomb for last, though, as it's probably against campus policy to wire explosives to an electrical device.

Ok, so I read on Icanhazcheeseburger that one guy bought or made this alarm that wouldn't stop ringing the most ear piercing shrill sound imaginable until it was assembled again. It would break apart and you'd have to assemble it to be able to turn it off. He kept it inside a double locked container or something and he kept the key to open that under one of those hidden key rock things next out in his yard. Maybe way out in his yard. Like the mailbox.

What is this thing called morning and can it hurt me?

Seriously? Water. that is the only effective strategy. Nothing else works, at least immediately.

I get up on the odd chance the citizens of the world have finally come to their senses and decided to elect me supreme overlord of everything. Should such a case happen, I wouldn't want it to happen while I'm sleeping though since I don't want my first action as supreme overlord of everything to be the slaughter of whoever woke me up.

Mornings?! HAH! You people crack me up.

An overwhelming need to use the restroom.

Beyond routine? I don't know. It's kinda annoying actually, cause often times I wake up before my alarm goes off or wake up when I don't need to.

I have an alarm that is a really fucking loud beeping that i need to put in a password to turn off, maybe try going to bed a little earlier for a while until you get into a routine of waking up early

snappydog:
By which I mean, how the hell do people actually manage to get out of bed when they need to? See, I've just moved to university, and back home I had my dad to drag me up when I needed to be awake. Here, though, I've only got myself to get me up, and I CAN'T DO IT. I mean, seriously. It sounds stupid, but it's a legitimate problem since I keep missing lectures and stuff and I just have no idea how to sort it out.
So, dear Escapists, how do you wake up and get up when you need to?

My alarm clock on phone plays the Hercules series intro music. You can't stay in bed when you listen to that.

The fact that I've got to get up and go do shit all day, that's usually what it takes to get me up in the morning.

The first time the clock rings, you just stand up. I know it sounds crazy but it works, trust me :D. If you meant you're actually not waking up to the alarm or shutting it half asleep, raise the volume or move it somewhere where you can't reach it from bed.

snappydog:
By which I mean, how the hell do people actually manage to get out of bed when they need to? See, I've just moved to university, and back home I had my dad to drag me up when I needed to be awake. Here, though, I've only got myself to get me up, and I CAN'T DO IT. I mean, seriously. It sounds stupid, but it's a legitimate problem since I keep missing lectures and stuff and I just have no idea how to sort it out.
So, dear Escapists, how do you wake up and get up when you need to?

your one lazy mfer. i havent had anyone drag me out of bed since i was 8.

For starters: set up your alarm, one that runs till you quit it, on the other side of your room. you will ahve to stand up and walk around to reach it. now if you live with another person in the dorm that could be problematic, as your roommate wont like a long alarm but deal with it.
Then there is the anxiety thinking. If i dont get up now ill be late to do X and get punishment X and sincei dont want that, fuck with the sleeping.
Then there is postive reasoning. "If i get up now i get time to read forums before work".

And of course realizing the fact that you sleep though over a third of your life and sleep should be compeltely removed from humans as soon as we get the chemical that our brain produce only whiel sleeping synthesized.

Also, always get up at the same time. for example you have to wake up every work day at 8 am to go somewhere. wake up at 8 am in the weekends. force yourself to. after a couple weeks your body will shift into the shedule and you will wake up at 8 am and do not want to get back to sleep even without an alarm clock. now of course ths can be distrupted by staying up too late, so no late parties for you. You can here to study, not to drink. if you came here to drink GTFO of university.

Sleeping pills.

Putting your alarm behind stuff doesn't work. If you're still that tired, you'll probably end up falling asleep again. Sleepy me is as clever as me, and also a dick. He can find the sleep button even though he can't use his eyes. I've got a loud and obnoxious alarm, but you get used to that (My alarm is various songs blasted full volume through 5.1 surround sound. Chop Suey and Violent Pornography can't wake you up? You've got a serious problem). Sheer willpower is the stupidest solution. People who suggest that aren't having the same problem-if you can overcome the need to sleep, then of course you don't need a better solution. This is about people who can't.

So I figured the problem is the quality of sleep, so I started taking a sleeping pill the night before, ensuring I end up asleep to give me a good rest, and then I hope my alarm gets me up. It's not foolproof, but setting up a good routine where you get good sleep is helpful. I can sleep for 14 hours at a time easily, and I'm a heavy sleeper, but it gives me a fighting chance of being able to wake up.

Also, working out (Not right before bed, that keeps you up), helps you get better rest. Go for a run of an evening or something, it makes it much easier to go to sleep, and you wake up feeling better (Unless you get cramps).

DoPo:

Meh, I've doe that and then I've sleepwalked to it and turned it off. The impressive thing is that I even scattered some stuff on the floor so I would most likely trip, or at least need to manure really good (for just getting out of bed, that is) and I somehow managed it.

I can honestly say that I've never needed to crap in order to get out of bed. That's when you know you have a problem.

OT: I've gotta go with dual alarms that sound off within a few minutes of one another. Having one doesn't do it for me - I usually turn it off in my sleep. I've even put my phone in my mouth in an effort to make it quiet. After I'm actually up, the day cannot start until I've eaten and had a shower. Showers are the best.

My alarm consists of setting my phone to play the Kokiri Forest music and leaving it on my desk on the other side of the room. I figure if I'm going to wake up to something, it may as well be a nice song.

Another trick that works exceedingly well if you can do it: leave your blinds open. The early morning sunlight stimulates your eyes before you consciously awaken, and in response your body will release endorphins that ease you out of sleep feeling refreshed. It's the way humans have been waking up for thousands of years and it works wonderfully.

snappydog:
snip

This may have been suggested already, so if it has, sorry about the redundancy.

I'm a night owl. I have a real hard time falling asleep at a decent hour (it's a quarter past 5am for me right now, and I still haven't gone to bed yet from the previous day). Ideally I stay up until the sun starts to rise, then sleep until noon. Obviously, this doesn't work for school or many careers.

When I left home to go to my university, I had a real hard time getting up in the morning for class. During my first semester of Freshman year I missed a whole bunch of my early morning courses. Not enough to fail them, but damn close.

Second semester I had the brilliantly simple idea of placing my alarm clock on the opposite side of my room. Every time I missed class, it was because I'd turn off my alarm and then fail to actually get out of bed before falling asleep again. By moving my alarm far out of reach it forced me to actually get up and get moving to turn it off. I ended up having perfect attendance that semester.

So yeah, no idea if that would work for you, but it definitely helped me.

My cat.
She loves to wake me up early in the morning(by which I mean 3 am). Won't stop bothering me until I go up... then she goes to sleep.

snappydog:
By which I mean, how the hell do people actually manage to get out of bed when they need to? See, I've just moved to university, and back home I had my dad to drag me up when I needed to be awake. Here, though, I've only got myself to get me up, and I CAN'T DO IT. I mean, seriously. It sounds stupid, but it's a legitimate problem since I keep missing lectures and stuff and I just have no idea how to sort it out.
So, dear Escapists, how do you wake up and get up when you need to?

The way I got around it was organizing my entire timetable so I never have to be out of bed before midday. I have one 9 oclock lecture a week, which I habitually miss and make up in readings, but other then that I start at 3pm.

And on days like tomorrow where I have to be up at stupid oclock (Getting on a bus at 4am) I conscript my girlfriend into staying round and helping me wake up. By helping me wake up I mean "Kicking my arse onto the floor". It is super effective!

Bar those two options... I try and avoid drinking in the week. Helps. And I avoid caffiene after 6pm. And I set about 6 different alarms. I might start late but I still like to be awake by around 10. Which is difficult enough as it is.

I just put my phone's alarm on as loud as it goes, on something obnoxious, and leave it on the absolute opposite side of the room. I then head directly to the shower. Works most of the time, unless I glance back at my bed and decide to crawl in for "another couple of minutes".

I don't normally need to, it's normally up when I wake up.

Whilst I tend to wake up when my alarm goes off, I find it very hard to get out of bed. I just tell myself that it's not so bad once I get going. It works, up until I'm falling asleep halfway through my lectures. I'd suggest setting your alarm about 10 minutes earlier than you need to so you have time to psyche yourself up.

two cans of red bull, the dream of leaving this hell hole and never coming back, my shit for brains neighbor blasting terrible music and some anger management pills.

i may have issues.

snappydog:
By which I mean, how the hell do people actually manage to get out of bed when they need to? See, I've just moved to university, and back home I had my dad to drag me up when I needed to be awake. Here, though, I've only got myself to get me up, and I CAN'T DO IT. I mean, seriously. It sounds stupid, but it's a legitimate problem since I keep missing lectures and stuff and I just have no idea how to sort it out.
So, dear Escapists, how do you wake up and get up when you need to?

my dick gets me up in the mornings *punch face*

no. just get an alarm clock and dont put it near where you sleep. perhaps you put it on the opposite of your room or in the room next to your bedroom so you have to wake up and walk a bit to shut that damn sound off.

or just drink a lot at night and you will wake up early just to pee.

just try it.

I go to bed hungry do that in the morning i cant wait to get up to wat breakfast.
The many alarm clock method doesn't work for me because if I know there are three more alarms to go, I will wait for those to wake me up and will just head straight back to bed after the first few.