Give some advice to customers

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If you show up at 10:58 at night and grab a grocery cart, I will make a voodoo doll of you.

...that's about it.

I had to work in a parking lot for a few months. My advice:

--Stop parking in "No Parking" zones. Along with getting a ticket should a cop catch you, you will also be getting the finger from every person that has drive around you or who uses the place you parked in as a walkway to transport larger items. Also, if you say, "I'll only be five minutes" then you better only be five minutes. Otherwise, we will call a tow truck, and yes, you will be the one paying for every expense. It doesn't matter if we don't normally call a tow truck, we'll do it just because we're angry at you extra for lying. Oh yeah, and your car might not be in perfect condition when you get out, because a customer will likely key scratch it, and even some workers will find a way to do minor damage.

--If you see a person with a bright orange or yellow vest on, they know no more about the store and its layout than the common customer. There is absolutely no reason why a worker would have that vest on, even if they have a name tag from the store, unless they were either working outside for the store, were working as a contractor outside for the store, or are working on the highway. In the first case, they have not been trained on the inside; in the second case, they obviously have never been trained; and in the third case, if you honestly think they were trained, no amount of help anyone ever gives you will ever help you.

--Stop at stop signs and look behind you when backing out. People working in a place where people drive as slow as a parking lot often plan how they will get hit to minimize injuries while making sure you pay as harshly as possible for your reckless driving. Don't risk that one of those workers might eventually decide to follow through, especially since they may also get a few paid days off.

--The parking lot is not your trash bin. There are trash bins scattered all around the place and they are often emptied by someone. Please, keep the outside beautiful and throw your trash away, especially if it is food or alcohol, which doesn't take long to start smelling bad. Oh yeah, and the carts are not a trash bin. Throwing it in the carts will get noticed, and will get plenty of nasty things said about you among the workers.

For Retail customers, especially ones in a grog shop:

1) The workers are not your "reading eye people", unless you actually ARE legally blind. If the price of something is in big bold numbers right in front of your eyes, read it.

2) Don't whine at the staff about prices. Those are set by corporate office weasels, not the in-store wageserfs.
2a) Don't whine at the staff how much something is at different shop. Go there then.

3) LOOK AT THE PERSON AT THE REGISTER WHEN THEY'RE SPEAKING TO YOU. Unless you have a social anxiety issue, which is totally acceptable.
3a) On that note, GET THE FUCKING HEADPHONES OUT OF YOUR EARS AND GET OFF THE FUCKING PHONE WHILE WE'RE TRYING TO RING YOU UP!

4) (Especially in grog/food shops) If you want a single can or bottle of some drink or another, only open 1 of the multipacks (4x or 6x, usually). Even then, most stores will already have rows of loose singles, so open your eyes and look first. Do NOT open multiple multipacks.
4a) Also, do not open full cartons to extract a single, or even a multipack unless you've looked on the shelves first.

5) We're not your servants to go and fetch you things like a trained dog. If there's a genuine reason for us to get stuff for you (high shelves, age, invalidity etc), fine, but if you're a 20-something douchewaddle wearing a singlet & a fedora, go get your own goddamned stuff.

6) Be polite. It's not that hard. If you've had a shit day, boo hoo, don't take it out on the staff unless they're actually responsible for causing it (You there! Waiter! You killed my father, prepare to die! etc). Hell, if you give us a good enough sob story, sometimes we'll even be struck by a rare bout of compassion and give you a discount or something.

7)Don't do this, ever:
image

Raggedstar:
snip

My wife's a Vet. I'm gonna mark this and show her. She'll appreciate it. And yes, I have heard her complain about clients doing everything you listed here.

Her favorites are the ones who come in with a "Designer" animal they clearly spent thousands of dollars getting, then freak out over a couple hundred dollar bill.

Let me add another to the List:

-Don't try to guilt the vet by telling them you'll have to Euthanize if they don't bring the price down. Your pet is your responsibility. If you can't afford to take care of it, that's no one's fault but your own. If can't afford to take care of a pet, don't get one. That may sound harsh, but it's true. .

Oh, and a favorite of mine.

-No. Your vet is not rich. They do not make tons of money, so stop pulling that card, as well. It's harder to get into Vet school than it is to get into Med School. It takes just as much schooling to get become a DVM as it does an MD. It's also just as expensive. Then, after that, the cost needs to be paid off. There are fewer job openings for Vets. AND the average vet gets paid 1/3 that of an MD with relative training and experience. Vets do what they do because they love it. They don't need you making them miserable because you think they're paid too much. If they were paid any less they couldn't afford they're loan payments.

For my job, it's simple:

-Don't interrupt me. 9/10 times I know what the problem is shortly after you started explaining it. I'll explain it to you as fully as you want, but please let me finish asking any clarifying questions, and getting the basics out of the way. If you have a question about my explanation I will be happy to answer it. But for gods sake let me finish explaining it before you ask your initial question again.

-Also, whatever you think the problem it? It's probably not that. Except for very rare cases, you're not programming savvy enough to understand what the program is doing under the hood. Changing thing Y in Screen X is not causing thing Z to mess up.

-Finally, and most frustrating, Don't bad mouth our program because it isn't tailor made for your site. We have 200+ sites that use our software and every single one does things a little differently. I know YOU think you know all about it, but you need to realize YOUR WAY is only one out of a hundred. I know all hundred because of people like you bitching about it. Yours probably isn't even the best. And I don't CARE what your old software did. Your company switched to OUR software for a reason. Don't mistake what's comfortable with what's better.

EDIT:
-OH One more: Don't call and tell me the program is screwing up. I get at least 6 calls a day five days a week all year long. Only about 1-2 a month turn out to be a bug. The rest are ALL user error.

-Lastly, for real this time, WE are not responsible for YOU putting in bad data. If the program screws up and messes with your data, we'll take responsibility for that. But if you got fined because YOU entered the wrong data or used the program incorrectly, that's YOUR fault and we will not pick up the tab.

Lotsa good stuff here, but there's one I've just got to mention.
Upon entering a department store, do not, do *not, *do* *not*, *DO NOT*
tell your kids "Go look at the toys while I shop, I'll find you there later."
Your kids may be little angels who would never make a mess or cause a disturbance.
But you know what?
There are people in the world who are *not* angels and may grab your kids!
Retail staff see crying, screaming children being carried out of the store
*all* *the* *time*!
Staff cannot possibly be expected to know which ones are upset about not being
bought a toy or candy and *which ones are being abducted*!
When I worked at K-mart this gave me nightmares.
As a father this gives me even *worse* nightmares!

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.404486-Dear-Customer-it-is-my-pleasure-to-inform-you-A-Venting-Thread#16758872

To this I would like to add: DON'T LIE. You're not as good at it as you think you are. For example, you can order at the last minute. This is an inconvenience we accept as part of our jobs. I will make whatever you want, and smile when I hand it over. Do not, however, say you didn't know we were closing, because I watched you stop at the door, read the sign with our hours, and have a discussion with your boyfriend, before you came in and ordered. Come the end of a shift, I am watching EVERYTHING within fifty feet of our door, because I don't want anyone to come in. The front of the store is plate glass. Trust me, you were seen. A lie, in case no one ever told you, is an insult. An obvious lie is an insult on two levels: one for the lie, and another because you clearly think I'm stupid and unobservant. I am neither.

I work in a craft store, there's a few things to note:

-READ THE AD SIGN. Crafts unfortunately require some odd stocking- items are sorted by type, not brand. Stickers are grouped as animals, family, holiday- but they are not all on sale if the aisle is full of ad signs. Only the brand on the sign is. Save us the trouble of sending someone to double check.

-We aren't a rental store. I'm sorry you bought the wrong glue, or that that color paint didn't look good... but you used half of it. You can't return it. If it's broken, dried out, or otherwise defective, we'll take care of you. Otherwise, it's not our fault- buying the wrong thing sometimes is part of crafting.

-I know the coupon policy is restrictive. Tell corporate so they can change it. I have to follow the rules, you aren't exempt. I'll bend the policy into a pretzel ("why yes, your 3 old can check out by himself and use his own coupon!"). I just won't break the rules. Oh, and please- don't tell me how you could cheat the system, assuming I'll just ok it for you. Technically, you could steal the item get it for free- that doesn't mean I'll let you leave without paying, does it?

From Working in a video store

Don't:

-Leave returned DVDs on the counter where anyone can grab them up when there is a perfectly good drop box only I can access

-Argue with me that we should have a movie on DVD that hasn't hit the theaters yet (honest to goodness I had someone throw a fit at me that I wouldn't rent the 6th Harry Potter Movie to them when the book had only been out a few weeks)

-Come in minutes before closing for anything short of a return

Do:

-Ask for recommendations

-Ask polity if we have _____ movie after you have looked on the shelves and not found it sometimes things have been returned and not put back on the shelves yet or the cases may be missing and I don't mind checking the computer.

From cell phone customer service:

Don't:

-assume a supervisor can solve every problem there is a very small group of things that an agent can't do that a supervisor can and 9/10 if you're dealing with a tricky situation the answer the agent has come to has come from the supervisor to start with and if it's a basic situation asking someone higher up isn't going to change the answer. as long as the agent you're talking too is trying to help and isn't being rude you probably aren't going to get much from escalating the call.

-call to activate or switch phones from the phone you're planing to activate or switch too or from. just don't, we need a number that's under the battery to do anything I can't tell you how many times I've had someone tell me they are calling me from a land line only to loose them the instant i ask them to look up this number or to power cycle the phone.

-don't be abrasive. this can be hard for some people who have something messed up on their account, something that wasn't done right at the store or their kid ran up $400 in texts on their phone or the last person they talked to was just out of training and didn't tell them the right thing. Being firm or saying that you're very frustrated is fine but if you start swearing or being really hostile even if you've just reached the person who can solve all your problems you are now making it harder for him or her to solve you're problem

Do:

-be patient: If you have a complicated problem it probably can't be fixed in a minute. if you had to wait 50 minutes to reach me it's not because i wasn't answering the phone it's because me and the other reps have been going through call after call with no breaks in between since we started work but there is a que of 100s to get through.

-try the basics: 80% of tech issues can be solved by power cycling. if you do that and your phone is still not working check to see if you bill has been paid. it's usually easy to check online to make sure the bill isn't past due and most system outages will be online there too. if it still doesn't work than give us a call.

-know that you can ask for a supervisor like i said above that should never be a first solution I've had people demand to speak to supervisor and refuse to talk to me only to find out they only wanted to pay their bill something that I or the automated system could have easily helped with. there are some things only a supervisor can do generally if your dealing with a plan that is 10+ years old a rep can't fix it if something goes wrong if you're dealing with billed charges that are legitimately wrong that are more than $200 a rep can't deal with that or if you're dealing with something that has legitimately bounced you back and forth between several departments and that couldn't be resolved. not just something you were transferred for once each department has some new guys or idiots that will transfer without understanding the problem. I know I've had transfers from other departments to "confirm the customer's balance was Zero" and "Because the customer was getting too angry." thankfully in both cases i was able to help the customer but they could have handled it in the other department. However I also once had a reasonable customer trying to solve a problems for months that actually fell right between 3 departments. as I was a team lead at the time I had the abilities of a supervisor and was able to talk with thous other 2 departments and get the problem solved which is something a normal rep would not be able to do.

praise the good. most people are quick to offer complaints when an agent does poorly but you should be just as quick to offer praise. It's called a comp or complement call and most people don't realize they can do it but if you have someone who really helps you than you really should do this. it can help a big deal in promotions and raises but most agents are forbidden to tell a customer about them unless they ask. some customers may not do this as they think they need to speak to a supervisor to give the comp and many times you do but often it's a team lead or a runner that takes that and passes the information on to the supervisor and trust me when someone sees you want a comp call taken they don't mind at all even if they were about to go on break.

UncleUlty:
Don't be a dick

Kuilui:
5) The universe doesn't revolve around you.

I think pretty much every bit of advice boils down to these two things. Don't be a dick, and remember the universe does not revolve around you.

Oh god I just realized I'm the soup Nazi. Oh well, NO MEAT FOR YOU!

I always sympathised with the Soup Nazi. He had obviously just had enough of the general public being clueless assholes. And Seinfeld and his friends were assholes, you can't deny that.

I'm a kitchenhand at a nursing home at the moment, and my advice to old people in nursing homes is be very specific and very picky in what you eat, and don't be afraid to complain violently and often. The kitchen staff will hate you for it, but if you ask for only bacon and eggs for every meal, that is what you'll get (albeit probably shitty ones, I don't buy the ingredients) - or if you're happy with more variety, at least narrow down what you want. I took home a bit of leftover cauliflower bake once, and it was the most disgusting thing I've ever had, mainly owing to the fact they put in a bunch of flour and other filling crap and ended up with half cake. I feel sick thinking about it and I'm glad I'm not the one responsible for making it.

I suppose the real advice would be quit while you're ahead, that's what I'd do if I was getting dementia. Nursing homes. Not even once.

I'm a busser in my school's cafeteria, and not one of those fancy ones that get an awesome tub to carry around. Nope! I get to carry everything by hand or on dirty trays that I've picked up because people are either too lazy or too rushed to take them up to the tray line.

So here's a few things I want to point out for the college crowd.

1. I am not paid extra to clean up after you. Yes, I carry a towel around so that I can wipe down tables and whatnot, but when you leave trays and plates and garbage all over your table, that's extra work for me. And if I'm busy with something else and don't notice them mess that you and your friends left behind, I get yelled at for it. And there is nothing more humiliating than being yelled at in front of 2000+ other college kids.

2. Don't mock or harass the bussers in your cafeteria. That is wrong and horrible and if you ever do this, I hope you step on a lego. Trust me, most of those people who are working that job wish that they weren't and I can't tell you the number of times I've had someone question my mental capability because I'm a busser. So just never do this.

3. Don't get mad at a busser if they pass a task off to someone else. It happens. If the busser you talk to about cleaning up a spill or something is busy, they will mostly likely pass it off to a person who is more capable of doing it at that moment. I get that cleaning up spills is part of my job, but is so is wiping down tables, sorting silverware, stocking the condiment islands, and basically being the cafeteria's bitch. Seriously. Everyone in my school cafeteria is above me and they never fail to remind me.

4. Cafeteria's are notoriously short-staffed. I go to a school of about 20000 students, but at lunch, we'll have two bussers max. SO BE PATIENT! These people are working as fast as they can without injuring themselves and if you push them any harder, they might just snap. Really, I've cried at the sight of plastic forks and knives after a particularly brutal day at work.

The moral of this is: PATIENCE!

You need it if you're going to survive any form of schooling above high school or the equivalent of.

Words almost every person in customer service would actually like to hear:

"Hello, I know this is not your fault, but can you help me with...?"

If you're buying just a chocolate bar or a bag of lollies (or something else small etc.), and you want a bag for them, I will say no. Arguing the point will not help you. People have pockets, bags etc and always ask for a bloody bag when they buy one or two little items, then you hear them complain other times they're in about how wasteful super markets are.

Jaythulhu:
2) Don't whine at the staff about prices. Those are set by corporate office weasels, not the in-store wageserfs.

I had someone punch me because they thought I was lying about the price of something even though it was up on screen(it was a wine bottle), it's not like I get commission for working at a super market so why would I raise prices. Apparently $1.20 that he thought it was cheaper by was worth giving me a bleeding nose over.

Johnny Impact:
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.404486-Dear-Customer-it-is-my-pleasure-to-inform-you-A-Venting-Thread#16758872

Just so you know, I read that. Man you can make a good text wall XD

Spot1990:
I work in a movie theater so here goes.

Don't get angry at me because the movie you want to see is sold out.

Every movie theater is this expensive and has been for at least a decade. I'm not saying the prices are fair I'm just saying don't go or don't buy food if it bothers you because everyone knows it's expensive. My hourly wage is less than the price of a medium popcorn and coke, just leave me alone about it.

TURN YOUR FUCKING PHONE OFF!

If you need to use the bathroom then go, don't just pee into your cup and leave it under the seat.

If you do have sex in their, please take the condom with you.

Your kid is your responsibility. Act like it. If he's being a shit, stop him.

You know those shoes with little lights that flash? Yeah don't let your kids wear those to the fucking theater.

Don't just come up and ask me for "two tickets" then proceed to list all the food and drinks you want because I'm not taking any of it down. I'm waiting patiently until I can ask you what film it is you want to see because stupid shouldn't be encouraged.

All that being said please ask me about any deals or what's the best value because I don't work on commission I care more about you not getting gouged than I do how much the company earns. Also tickets are expensive and I see everything for free so yeah, feel free to ask for opinions and recommendations.

...I am really thankful that in my career at a movie-theatre I have yet to deal with either people having sex in the theatre or peeing in a cup. Some of my coworkers have horror stories, but nothing quite THAT bad.

Getting angry almost never helps things.

I know that we're all human and eventually we all hit breaking points, but from both a customer and a customer service perspective, I can definitely tell you that it'll go smoother if you don't go in guns a-blazin'.

Spot1990:
I work in a movie theater so here goes.

Don't get angry at me because the movie you want to see is sold out.

Every movie theater is this expensive and has been for at least a decade. I'm not saying the prices are fair I'm just saying don't go or don't buy food if it bothers you because everyone knows it's expensive. My hourly wage is less than the price of a medium popcorn and coke, just leave me alone about it.

TURN YOUR FUCKING PHONE OFF!

If you need to use the bathroom then go, don't just pee into your cup and leave it under the seat.

If you do have sex in their, please take the condom with you.

Your kid is your responsibility. Act like it. If he's being a shit, stop him.

You know those shoes with little lights that flash? Yeah don't let your kids wear those to the fucking theater.

Don't just come up and ask me for "two tickets" then proceed to list all the food and drinks you want because I'm not taking any of it down. I'm waiting patiently until I can ask you what film it is you want to see because stupid shouldn't be encouraged.

All that being said please ask me about any deals or what's the best value because I don't work on commission I care more about you not getting gouged than I do how much the company earns. Also tickets are expensive and I see everything for free so yeah, feel free to ask for opinions and recommendations.

I guess I've been fortunate not to have (or at least knew I was) having to deal with the "cup" issue but the number of infants diapers being left inside the theatres is appalling to me that they'd change it in the dark in public like that and leave it behind because they'd rather not miss part of the film , have you had issues with people and having to wait in holdout lines/waiting areas while the theatres being cleaned because I don't get why waiting in line (sometimes not believing I know what I'm talking about when I say what part of the line is the front or not)is so alien to them all of a sudden if they just had to do so to get tickets, food, traffic, and just about anything else ever.

Take a whole 30 seconds to read the signs. Read the prices and the ingredients. Read the sign of what you want and ask for it. If you point and grunt "that!" you'll get a sweet smile off me and a request for you to repeat yourself with what you want. If we have to repeat this process several times, so be it. If you can't read due to ignorance, you probably shouldn't be leaving the house alone.

If you don't like the price/deals/furniture/packaging/food don't even bother screaming at me for it. Write or email the company with your suggestions on how to improve because I don't make the rules.

Think really hard before asking something. Why would there be alcohol in our pasties that we serve to children? Why did you prise the door open to look around and see everything is cleaned put away to ask if we're still open? Why would we leave food out for weeks at a time to sell? Surely environmental health would shut us down.

My biggest problem with people is that they can be idiots. Just try not to be an idiot, thank you.

Isalan:
Do not order a "coffee". 75% of the 100 or so drinks we do contain coffee. Narrow it down for me a bit or I'm going to suggest the most expensive thing we do.

I don't understand this... it's a coffee shop. I've only been to Starbucks maybe three times in my life (I love their Chai Lattes), but is it really impossible to just order a regular ol' cup of coffee there?

Jaythulhu:

7)Don't do this, ever:
image

The amount of times I want to strangle people who say that. Half of them are older people too, I mean come on, you must remember a time when barcodes didn't exist?

To people in the store I work in particular, if you want an ice-cream, and you're standing at the freezer looking at the flavours, shift your eyes a few millimeters to the left and read the nice bold size 100 font laminated sheet stuck to the glass that reads "please pay for your ice-cream first" and then make your way over to me, order and pay me, without looking in your wallet while holding a cone, or getting mad at me because I don't come serve you while other customers are queuing at the actual till.

Okay what else....

You are not entitled to any of the change in my till, I will give you the largest denominators possible, not 19 pound coins for that twenty note you used to buy a bag of crisps, I need those.

Oh and by the way, having an item wrongly marked on the shelf and more expensive at the till is not false advertising.

LordBongo:

Isalan:
Do not order a "coffee". 75% of the 100 or so drinks we do contain coffee. Narrow it down for me a bit or I'm going to suggest the most expensive thing we do.

I don't understand this... it's a coffee shop. I've only been to Starbucks maybe three times in my life (I love their Chai Lattes), but is it really impossible to just order a regular ol' cup of coffee there?

Totally. Essentially, your options are filter coffee, or "drip" coffee, which is standard coffee run through a paper filter and comes in a variety of flavours depending on where you are. Failing that an Americano is pretty much straight coffee, being a mix of espresso and boiling water.

Kudos on liking Chai btw, that stuff is an acquired taste.

sir neillios:

Oh and by the way, having an item wrongly marked on the shelf and more expensive at the till is not false advertising.

If something is marked a certain price on the shelf your store should honor that price. If the store fucked up that's not the customer's fault or the customer's problem, and they shouldn't have to pay extra because of it. That's the kind of mistake that shouldn't be acceptable in retail stores.

Mossberg Shotty:

Colour-Scientist:

Don't stay in the shop after the time the shop is supposed to close. In most places they can't really ask you to leave and don't get paid any extra for staying late and for you wasting their time.

This, a thousand times, this. I've lost count of how many times I've wanted to strangle a group of entitled customers because they thought their time was infinitely more important than mine or my co-workers. If the store closed 15 minutes ago, fucking leave, come back tomorrow, I don't care. Don't just take your time, like we're all operating on your personal schedule.

I should probably point out that I work in retail, a clothing store to be more specific. And if it's Black Friday, don't start bitching at me because I'm handling your clothes too fast at checkout, and "rushing you". I'm not gonna feel bad, so don't yell at me for being "too rough" with the huge stack of clothes you just paid 75 cents for, you cheap asshole. Do I really have to remind you that there are about a hundred fucking people behind you!

That's how I came to hate old Jamaican ladies.

Have we worked together? Cause I have the exact same issue at my store. These jamacian ladies come in acting like they're king shit, bringing their hellspawn who destroy everything. Abuse the coupons like it's nobodys buisness and just downright take stuff from other peoples carts.

When did a customers rights trump basic human rights?

Spot1990:

If you need to use the bathroom then go, don't just pee into your cup and leave it under the seat.

People do that?! Oh gross. How often does that happen?

Sonic Doctor:
I would say that customers should actually take a few minutes to search for what they are looking for before asking where something is.

The store where I work has an Electrical/Lighting department. One day I watched a guy walk in the front door, and right passed the Lighting department that is insanely bright and around twenty feet from the door, and walk right up to me and ask where the Lighting department was.

Also it is insane how many people stand right in front of what they are looking for then grab me as I'm passing buy and ask if I know where that said item is.

I work at a Staples.

A couple years ago I had a guy walk in the store (which has a big sign on it saying "STAPLES") Walk to the very last isle in the store, past all our signage and everything... Pick up a Staples brand product that was clearly labeled as such, look at me (a guy wearing a shirt that says "Staples") look back at the product, then back at me and ask with a completely straight face "Am I in Office Max?" I did everything I could to not facepalm and fall over laughing at the guy, and simply said "No, this is Staples." He said "Oh." put the product back and walked out of the store.

So yeah.... I want customers to not be stupid, and try paying attention every once in a while, because I know they use cars to get from place to place, and if I have to share the road with them then I am scared.

Dirty Hipsters:

sir neillios:

Oh and by the way, having an item wrongly marked on the shelf and more expensive at the till is not false advertising.

If something is marked a certain price on the shelf your store should honor that price. If the store fucked up that's not the customer's fault or the customer's problem, and they shouldn't have to pay extra because of it. That's the kind of mistake that shouldn't be acceptable in retail stores.

I was always under the impression that the store was required to sell lower if marked lower, by law. That might have just been the custom where I worked, in hindsight. ^-^

In clothing retail:

DO NOT throw your unwanted selections on the floor. You are surrounded by racks. Better to put it on the wrong one like the lazy bum you are than chuck it on the floor where it will collect dirt, fuzz and footprints.

DO NOT leave your clothes and hangers in the change room. There are staff right outside it whose job it is to re-hang and put away your unwanted clothes.

DO NOT hide the clothes you want but don't want to pay full price for. Staff are on to your tricks and will not only remove them from hiding but will make sure to display them prominently.

DO NOT let your disgusting, snot-coated children run in-between the racks and go burrowing through the clothes. I know it's fun for them and the non-sentient clothing racks are a better parent than you, but they are messing up the displays at best and leaving sticky grossness on the clothes at worst. Seriously, I have pulled off lollipops, wiped down crusty hand prints and once found an open used nappy some little darling had privately pulled off (along with their pants) only to streak out of the store with a parent who apparently didn't notice or care.

Unless you're just passing through, the staff will often recognize you and remember your bad behaviour. Your every visit thereafter, no matter how well-behaved, will be accompanied by sneering contempt and/or laughter behind your back.

Call center tech support please:

1. Turn it on

2. Is it on yet? Okay now turn the other thing that needs to be on as well

3. Are both on? Perfect, still not working? unplug it and plug it back in.

4.is the issue with our stuff or is it with the 29.9$ thing that you got form best buy? cause you would want to call them then.

5.Help your grandparents if they needs help, if you think you have it rough with her try getting it fixed when you have to describe what they should do chances are well get them to find someone to help or have to send someone out there.

6. No you don't know everything just shut up and let me do my job, i don't care if you think it's an issue with our hardware we still have to troubleshoot and confirm, and the worst that can happen is that we get it working for you.

7. Im sure you think that if we send someone to your house we can magically fix it, this is not always the case and its costs us a lot (175 CAD$) to send someone to your house.

Also please tell me a joke, the job can be soul crushing sometimes.

Also goodies if you can guess what industry I work tech support in!
Disclaimer (goodies may not exist)

link55307:
Also goodies if you can guess what industry I work tech support in!

The mention of grandparents suggests typical old-person stuff... either stairlifts or emergency alarms, maybe.

Disclaimer (goodies may not exist)

Aw, nuts.

Kinitawowi:

The mention of grandparents suggests typical old-person stuff... either stairlifts or emergency alarms, maybe.

Nope
Emergency Alarms can come into play but I do not service them directly.

Think something more frustrating when dealing with elderly clients.

link55307:

Kinitawowi:

The mention of grandparents suggests typical old-person stuff... either stairlifts or emergency alarms, maybe.

Nope
Emergency Alarms can come into play but I do not service them directly.

Think something more frustrating when dealing with elderly clients.

DME?

link55307:

Kinitawowi:

The mention of grandparents suggests typical old-person stuff... either stairlifts or emergency alarms, maybe.

Nope
Emergency Alarms can come into play but I do not service them directly.

Think something more frustrating when dealing with elderly clients.

DME?

link55307:

Also goodies if you can guess what industry I work tech support in!
Disclaimer (goodies may not exist)

Old people huh. Computers? I say this because my dad still bashes the monitor to make it go faster.
Yes I know that doesn't make sense. Try telling him that.

Also please tell me a joke, the job can be soul crushing sometimes.

Haha, fair enough. I shall remember that next time.

This one applies to most customer service transactions: as a customer, recognize that your interaction with a CSR does not occur within a vacuum. It is woven into the fabric of all surrounding customer service interactions. Your behavior impacts the experiences of not only your server but also other customers - and their behavior likewise impacts you.

For example, when I worked at a pizza delivery chain, customers frequently engaged in selfish/idiotic time-wasting. They called the store having no clue what they wanted to eat, where they were located, or how they planned to pay, clogging the phones. They took their sweet time answering the door or their own phones, sometimes clearly screening calls *right after ordering food*. They'd be at the store or down the block or taking the dog for a walk or still at the bar because "they didn't think you'd be so fast". They'd make you walk vast distances to relatively remote (from your car) locations because, hey, that's your job. Even people who didn't order the food rarely passed on the opportunity to oh-so-hilariously claim "that's for me jk derrrrr" - and you always believe them for a split second because that's precisely what your customer says minus the jk derrrrr.

When you think of your customer experience in a vacuum, all of these behaviors are obviously a-okay. They entertain or enable or alleviate for you, the customer. Who cares if the pizza guy has to wait a few extra minutes? Who cares if he's momentarily confused? Who cares if I want to talk on the phone for an extra minute?

I'll tell you who cares: the people waiting behind you. The other two phone lines on hold. The people waiting on the other two orders in my car. Your five minute delay didn't affect you, but it did affect them. And if one of them does the same? The third guy is suffering a ten minute delay. Now imagine I'd delivered all of that food in reverse and YOURS is the order delayed 10 minutes by other people making me wait. Does it still seem harmless?

If a CSR has a bad attitude or gives you shit for wasting time, he/she isn't doing it on their own behalf. They mostly get paid the same regardless. They are usually advocating for other customers waiting to be served - and your selfish behavior is fucking up THEIR experience.

link55307:
Call center tech support please:

1. Turn it on

2. Is it on yet? Okay now turn the other thing that needs to be on as well

3. Are both on? Perfect, still not working? unplug it and plug it back in.

4.is the issue with our stuff or is it with the 29.9$ thing that you got form best buy? cause you would want to call them then.

5.Help your grandparents if they needs help, if you think you have it rough with her try getting it fixed when you have to describe what they should do chances are well get them to find someone to help or have to send someone out there.

My god, you precisely ninja'd me.
When I used to work phone and broadband tech support we'd get people calling who thought it was beneath them to powercycle a router. Remember one guy who called me a cunt because I wouldn't send him a replacement until he tried a powercycle. He was stood next to it, could see the button, but didn't think he should have to press it twice.

Also, people buying iPads for grandparents, and then expecting them to connect it up without any help at all, then getting pissed off with us for not being able to magically do it on our end.

The worst though, were people that opened the call with "Yeah, I work in IT". Almost universally incompetent - would call claiming to be a network admin, and not know how to ping something or access a router config page.

Also, I'm gonna guess you do the same as me - phone and/or broadband support

As for a few of my own:

1. Don't get all sweary at me if you want the problem fixed. All I have to to is ask you not to swear, and then I'm encouraged by my company to cut you off if you do it again. (I generally didn't mind people swearing in the sense of "This phone line is shite", or "I'm fucking pissed off this isn't fixed", but when people actually get personally abusive, byebye).

2. We have to ask you for your name, phone number, address and so on before divulging information. I agree it's annoying and I'm sorry, but I'm professionally and personally liable if I don't do it (and I have to go through it 40 or 50 times a day)

3. There's a difference between being assertive and being aggressive. Getting shouty will just make me want to get you off the phone ASAP, which means the solution I give won't necessarily be the best for you.
If you desperately need internet or phone for something important, or can't do certain visit times, let me know calmly and I'll spend as long as needed to do the best I can.

My thoughts on this matter are relatively simple really.

If you treat me like a human being, then we'll get along fine. I'm happy to tell you where stuff is, try to answer your queries about products I know little about, tidy up after you and various other things that seem to bug other people. All I ask is that you look me in the face, say hello or something when you approach me, and thank me when you leave. Most other things I can deal with, I've even had to clean up piss and vomit, but when people are at least a little apologetic about such incidents, then I don't mind that much, after all, that is what bleach is for.

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