Seekster: ... Thats not my argument here at all. This guy isnt even divorced (yet) and I dont see anywhere in the story where anyone has filed for divorce (yet) so he is committing adultery and even from a secular view, cheating on your spouse and lying to your family about it is just wrong. ...
How is he lying to his family when the story is all over the media? Seems to me he came clear - or was at least forced to do so - pretty quickly after relationship with the other woman became serious.
There's nothing wrong with "adultery" as long the cards are on the table. The partner can then react as they see fit. A marriage is not a contract of owning somebody else's body; It's still theirs to give to whomever they please.
I thought I said "lied to his family" but if I didnt then ok he lied to his family or if you want to be extremely technical (since I am willing to bet his wife never asked if he was cheating on her with a student) he deceived his family just like the girl decieved her family.
"There's nothing wrong with "adultery" as long the cards are on the table."
...I don't want to live in this world anymore...but as long as I don't have a choice, no adultery, particularly in this context, is wrong. Its essentially deceiving your spouse.
Um no a marriage is a commitment. Its not about owning anyone's body its about trusting your spouse.
Seekster: ... ...I don't want to live in this world anymore...but as long as I don't have a choice, no adultery, particularly in this context, is wrong. Its essentially deceiving your spouse.
...how is it "deceiving" your spouse when she can read everything about what's going on in the media???
Deceit conceptually involves withholding knowledge, or taking advantage of ignorance. Unless she's both blind and deaf, she's hardly ignorant of any of the relevant facts here...
As for the girl deceiving her family, I really wouldn't be comfortable to call a teenager not telling her parents every detail of her love life a "deceit". More something like "privacy".
To nitpick, I'm also pretty sure that continuing to live in this world is technically a perpetual choice made every single day. Though normally we of course don't think of it that way, since it's such an incredibly easy choice to make.
Um no a marriage is a commitment. Its not about owning anyone's body its about trusting your spouse.
Well, I suppose it's objectively a commitment to being subject to the legal ramifications of it for as long as it takes to go through the divorce procedure all right.
Anything beyond that depends on the what the parties who married understood by it though. There's no objective and authoritative definition of what a marriage is which holds true for everyone, so it's ultimately up to you what perception to choose.
I for one value commitment and fidelity as much as most other guys, I just don't have any desire to impose my personal preferences on the relationships of others (...and would only want a pure commitment that was the result of love for me as a person, not of any sense of obligation, economic binds, pity, religious fears, etc. Silly ol' romantic softie, I am).
Guy is done with his wife and kids and wants to bang a hotter girl. Alright so where is the problem here because it is none of my business. Man will be cheated on by this girl and the whole thing will blow up in his face. Basically like watching your enemy make a bunch of poor choices. I am not going to warn him not to do it. This is the kind of thing where you sit back and grab a bowl of popcorn and watch it slowly come crumbling down.
Ok seriously what does everyone have against the mother? Yeah she is a bit protective but she IS a parent. What should she do just not care how late her child stays out or where she goes?
I notice the father isn't mentioned. So overprotective mother, no father, that's classic for interest in older guys.
I'm not saying I don't understand her protectiveness but the situation pointed her in the right direction.
I didn't see it mentioned here, so I'd just like to mention that one of the teacher's kids goes is 17 and goes to the same school. So he just fucked her life up by making her the daughter of the teacher that left her family for one of her classmates. While technically there was no crime committed, I feel like this is awful, morally speaking. The guy vowed to stay with his wife and then leaves her AND his own children to start a new life with someone who could have very well been his daughter's friend? I don't like it.
I thought I said "lied to his family" but if I didnt then ok he lied to his family or if you want to be extremely technical (since I am willing to bet his wife never asked if he was cheating on her with a student) he deceived his family just like the girl decieved her family.
Right, because 17-18 year old girls tell their mommy EVERYTHING about their sex life and dating habits. Wait, that's not how I remember it.
"There's nothing wrong with "adultery" as long the cards are on the table."
...I don't want to live in this world anymore...but as long as I don't have a choice, no adultery, particularly in this context, is wrong. Its essentially deceiving your spouse.
I'm with you on cheating being bad. He should have walked out before sleeping with the girl.
However, you do have a choice to living on this world. If you really feel that upset about this issue, I suggest you exercise your choice. Otherwise stop using silly overblown language.
Obsideo: I didn't see it mentioned here, so I'd just like to mention that one of the teacher's kids goes is 17 and goes to the same school. So he just fucked her life up by making her the daughter of the teacher that left her family for one of her classmates.
Who says that ruined her life? lol
You are projecting.
I know more than one girl that slept with a friend's brother or dad. It's not like its that uncommon.
Shawn MacDonald: Guy is done with his wife and kids and wants to bang a hotter girl. Alright so where is the problem here because it is none of my business. Man will be cheated on by this girl and the whole thing will blow up in his face. Basically like watching your enemy make a bunch of poor choices. I am not going to warn him not to do it. This is the kind of thing where you sit back and grab a bowl of popcorn and watch it slowly come crumbling down.
I wouldn't be too sure of that. She's going to stick with him at least untill she's financially independant, because if her parents drove her to flee home like this, you can be pretty certain they're not going back for any price.
I've known one case of the same, now being respectively 42 and 24 (starting at 17 and 35) and they're still together. Daddy complex is a powerfull thing, and without anywhere else to go for her, it's highly unlikely that relationship will crack in the coming time.
It may in a few years though, when she's got an alternative between him and going back to her parents.
Shawn MacDonald: Guy is done with his wife and kids and wants to bang a hotter girl. Alright so where is the problem here because it is none of my business. Man will be cheated on by this girl and the whole thing will blow up in his face. Basically like watching your enemy make a bunch of poor choices. I am not going to warn him not to do it. This is the kind of thing where you sit back and grab a bowl of popcorn and watch it slowly come crumbling down.
I wouldn't be too sure of that. She's going to stick with him at least untill she's financially independant, because if her parents drove her to flee home like this, you can be pretty certain they're not going back for any price.
I've known one case of the same, now being respectively 42 and 24 (starting at 17 and 35) and they're still together. Daddy complex is a powerfull thing, and without anywhere else to go for her, it's highly unlikely that relationship will crack in the coming time.
It may in a few years though, when she's got an alternative between him and going back to her parents.
Girl will meet a guy her own age and they will start hanging out. Although she will try to balance that love affair with the older guy, it won't work. Make a stupid mistake as young people often do and he will find out. Be the other way around he finally figures out that they have nothing in common and can't take her antics. I dated a younger girl before and I hated all the bullshit she brought to the table. The first time he gets dragged to the movies to hang out with her friends is when the creepy dial will cranked up to 11.
I thought I said "lied to his family" but if I didnt then ok he lied to his family or if you want to be extremely technical (since I am willing to bet his wife never asked if he was cheating on her with a student) he deceived his family just like the girl decieved her family.
Right, because 17-18 year old girls tell their mommy EVERYTHING about their sex life and dating habits. Wait, that's not how I remember it.
"There's nothing wrong with "adultery" as long the cards are on the table."
...I don't want to live in this world anymore...but as long as I don't have a choice, no adultery, particularly in this context, is wrong. Its essentially deceiving your spouse.
I'm with you on cheating being bad. He should have walked out before sleeping with the girl.
However, you do have a choice to living on this world. If you really feel that upset about this issue, I suggest you exercise your choice. Otherwise stop using silly overblown language.
Most 17-18 year old girls arent having relations with teachers.
Honestly he should have realized that the girl has her whole life ahead of her and been an adult about this...but this is California we are talking about here.
Think of it this way Seeks, if the guy was irreponsible enough to actually go through with this then his family is better off without him.
Hmm well I suppose that is a silver lining to this but the man deserves to be ridiculed regardless. His wife and children also deserve support, so to the family of the girl and the girl herself when she is read to accept support.
Seekster: Hmm well I suppose that is a silver lining to this but the man deserves to be ridiculed regardless. His wife and children also deserve support, so to the family of the girl and the girl herself when she is read to accept support.
I agree, he does deserve criticism for his actions. Leaving your family like that is absolutely disgraceful but as I've said before, considering what he did and how he did it its quite obvious his family is better off without him.
Shawn MacDonald: Girl will meet a guy her own age and they will start hanging out.
No, that was forbidden. Her parents (or mother at least) forbade her to leave the house unaccompanied, and never after a 'curfew' probably meaning she had to stay indoors after the afternoon.
I'm not saying it'll make her perfectly happy, more than likely there'll be regrets in some ten years or so, I'm saying their relationship will hold. I've seen it happen myself. If people get into a relationship to flee from something or because they've no other place to go, they'll do a lot of things conciously or subconciously to cling to that person.
I thought I said "lied to his family" but if I didnt then ok he lied to his family or if you want to be extremely technical (since I am willing to bet his wife never asked if he was cheating on her with a student) he deceived his family just like the girl decieved her family.
Right, because 17-18 year old girls tell their mommy EVERYTHING about their sex life and dating habits. Wait, that's not how I remember it.
"There's nothing wrong with "adultery" as long the cards are on the table."
...I don't want to live in this world anymore...but as long as I don't have a choice, no adultery, particularly in this context, is wrong. Its essentially deceiving your spouse.
I'm with you on cheating being bad. He should have walked out before sleeping with the girl.
However, you do have a choice to living on this world. If you really feel that upset about this issue, I suggest you exercise your choice. Otherwise stop using silly overblown language.
Most 17-18 year old girls arent having relations with teachers.
Honestly he should have realized that the girl has her whole life ahead of her and been an adult about this...but this is California we are talking about here.
She still has her full life ahead of her.
This is her first relationship. 99%+ of first relationships do not last for life. Hers will be with this guy instead of an 18 year old. That's the only difference. (And its just as likely that mommy wouldn't like the first bad boy 18 year old she brought home either)
Oh, and big lesson to everyone here - PUT A PASSWORD ON YOUR DAMN PHONES LOL
Right, because 17-18 year old girls tell their mommy EVERYTHING about their sex life and dating habits. Wait, that's not how I remember it.
I'm with you on cheating being bad. He should have walked out before sleeping with the girl.
However, you do have a choice to living on this world. If you really feel that upset about this issue, I suggest you exercise your choice. Otherwise stop using silly overblown language.
Most 17-18 year old girls arent having relations with teachers.
Honestly he should have realized that the girl has her whole life ahead of her and been an adult about this...but this is California we are talking about here.
She still has her full life ahead of her.
This is her first relationship. 99%+ of first relationships do not last for life. Hers will be with this guy instead of an 18 year old. That's the only difference. (And its just as likely that mommy wouldn't like the first bad boy 18 year old she brought home either)
Oh, and big lesson to everyone here - PUT A PASSWORD ON YOUR DAMN PHONES LOL
I just hope this experience doesnt mentally harm her in any way.
Sounds like how my father ended up in a relationship with a student at his school and decided to just throw out my mother after 29 years of marriage. Only difference is my father won't get the opportunity to work for another school again due to us outing him and his relationship to the administration. But yeah, I have no respect for people like this to be honest, even if you can call it a 'mid-life crises,' I still feel like there is no excuse.
I see nothing wrong with this. He purposely resigned so that he could be with her, he could have quite easily have stayed at the job and carried on seeing her, but because he chose to resign he did the right thing.
Sure he may have been in contact with her before she was 18, and most likely was, talking to someone pre-18 isn't a crime. If all they were doing before then was talking/dating - without any sexual contact then I can't see a problem.
Both clearly knew what they were doing, and both clearly knew the law. They could have been having sex, carried on with the job/school and all sorts before 18 but they didn't so you can't and shouldn't codemn a couple of people for 'falling for each other'
The girl's mother doesn't like it as obviously he's older and she see's it as wrong and has gone onto a personal vendetta against him, villifying him as somesort of peadophile when he most likely isn't.
Most 17-18 year old girls arent having relations with teachers.
Honestly he should have realized that the girl has her whole life ahead of her and been an adult about this...but this is California we are talking about here.
She still has her full life ahead of her.
This is her first relationship. 99%+ of first relationships do not last for life. Hers will be with this guy instead of an 18 year old. That's the only difference. (And its just as likely that mommy wouldn't like the first bad boy 18 year old she brought home either)
Oh, and big lesson to everyone here - PUT A PASSWORD ON YOUR DAMN PHONES LOL
I just hope this experience doesnt mentally harm her in any way.
If it does, it will be mainly the fault of her mother for going into freak out mode instead of trying to support her.
This is her first relationship. 99%+ of first relationships do not last for life. Hers will be with this guy instead of an 18 year old. That's the only difference. (And its just as likely that mommy wouldn't like the first bad boy 18 year old she brought home either)
Oh, and big lesson to everyone here - PUT A PASSWORD ON YOUR DAMN PHONES LOL
I just hope this experience doesnt mentally harm her in any way.
If it does, it will be mainly the fault of her mother for going into freak out mode instead of trying to support her.
No she is an adult now, she needs to take responsibility for her own life and that means accepting the consequences of her actions.
I just hope this experience doesnt mentally harm her in any way.
If it does, it will be mainly the fault of her mother for going into freak out mode instead of trying to support her.
No she is an adult now, she needs to take responsibility for her own life and that means accepting the consequences of her actions.
What about someone who is;
-Locked in a basement for 18 years (their whole life) -Not allowed to leave said basement, locked there told it's (for their safety) -Told a race of black people are terrorizing the planet and killing everyone.
Suddenly, the mother comes downstairs, hands the child a gun and tells them it's time to fight back and win freedom.
The kid goes outside and guns down 20 black people in cold blood.
Are you still going to be saying: "She needs to take responsibility for her own life and that means accepting the consequences of her actions."?
If it does, it will be mainly the fault of her mother for going into freak out mode instead of trying to support her.
No she is an adult now, she needs to take responsibility for her own life and that means accepting the consequences of her actions.
What about someone who is;
-Locked in a basement for 18 years (their whole life) -Not allowed to leave said basement, locked there told it's (for their safety) -Told a race of black people are terrorizing the planet and killing everyone.
Suddenly, the mother comes downstairs, hands the child a gun and tells them it's time to fight back and win freedom.
The kid goes outside and guns down 20 black people in cold blood.
Are you still going to be saying: "She needs to take responsibility for her own life and that means accepting the consequences of her actions."?
Thats a ridiculous contrived scenario and you know it. Sure the mother probably could of raised her better but the girl is responsible for her own actions. To deny her that is to deny to call her mentally disabled because only people who are mentally disabled or children are not responsible for their own actions.
No she is an adult now, she needs to take responsibility for her own life and that means accepting the consequences of her actions.
What about someone who is;
-Locked in a basement for 18 years (their whole life) -Not allowed to leave said basement, locked there told it's (for their safety) -Told a race of black people are terrorizing the planet and killing everyone.
Suddenly, the mother comes downstairs, hands the child a gun and tells them it's time to fight back and win freedom.
The kid goes outside and guns down 20 black people in cold blood.
Are you still going to be saying: "She needs to take responsibility for her own life and that means accepting the consequences of her actions."?
Thats a ridiculous contrived scenario and you know it. Sure the mother probably could of raised her better but the girl is responsible for her own actions. To deny her that is to deny to call her mentally disabled because only people who are mentally disabled or children are not responsible for their own actions.
Hey screw you.
I know it's contrived, but you said "She needs to take responsibility for her own life and that means accepting the consequences of her actions."
You've said that about someone you don't even know, who went through situations you don't know and acting in a way where you don't know the motivations behind it.
Who knows what this girl went through, what she was taught/denied and what she understood about her actions?
Maybe, just maybe, she doesn't think what she did was wrong because she sees it as *escaping* from a horrible situation.
-Locked in a basement for 18 years (their whole life) -Not allowed to leave said basement, locked there told it's (for their safety) -Told a race of black people are terrorizing the planet and killing everyone.
Suddenly, the mother comes downstairs, hands the child a gun and tells them it's time to fight back and win freedom.
The kid goes outside and guns down 20 black people in cold blood.
Are you still going to be saying: "She needs to take responsibility for her own life and that means accepting the consequences of her actions."?
Thats a ridiculous contrived scenario and you know it. Sure the mother probably could of raised her better but the girl is responsible for her own actions. To deny her that is to deny to call her mentally disabled because only people who are mentally disabled or children are not responsible for their own actions.
Hey screw you.
I know it's contrived, but you said "She needs to take responsibility for her own life and that means accepting the consequences of her actions."
You've said that about someone you don't even know, who went through situations you don't know and acting in a way where you don't know the motivations behind it.
Who knows what this girl went through, what she was taught/denied and what she understood about her actions?
Maybe, just maybe, she doesn't think what she did was wrong because she sees it as *escaping* from a horrible situation.
Based on what you told me in that contrived situation of yours, the girl should get charged with murder and should face the consequences of her crime if she is deemed mentally fit. The mother probably has child abuse-related charges coming her way too.
Well instead of speculating when it suits you and criticizing speculation when it doesnt why dont we just stick to the facts. If it turns out the mother abused this girl then sure I will change my take on the story at least in relation to the girl. The guy I don't see what new information could come to light that would absolve him.
Thats a ridiculous contrived scenario and you know it. Sure the mother probably could of raised her better but the girl is responsible for her own actions. To deny her that is to deny to call her mentally disabled because only people who are mentally disabled or children are not responsible for their own actions.
Hey screw you.
I know it's contrived, but you said "She needs to take responsibility for her own life and that means accepting the consequences of her actions."
You've said that about someone you don't even know, who went through situations you don't know and acting in a way where you don't know the motivations behind it.
Who knows what this girl went through, what she was taught/denied and what she understood about her actions?
Maybe, just maybe, she doesn't think what she did was wrong because she sees it as *escaping* from a horrible situation.
Based on what you told me in that contrived situation of yours, the girl should get charged with murder and should face the consequences of her crime if she is deemed mentally fit. The mother probably has child abuse-related charges coming her way too.
Well instead of speculating when it suits you and criticizing speculation when it doesnt why dont we just stick to the facts. If it turns out the mother abused this girl then sure I will change my take on the story at least in relation to the girl. The guy I don't see what new information could come to light that would absolve him.
Maybe he was unhappy with his wife so he decided to leave her instead of remain unhappy?
If he continues to pay any child support he owes and stays in his daughters life. What is the problem here?
can anyone in this thread say with 100% certainty that there would not be a situation in which you would leave your wife behind to go bang an 18 yr old when you are 41
I know it's contrived, but you said "She needs to take responsibility for her own life and that means accepting the consequences of her actions."
You've said that about someone you don't even know, who went through situations you don't know and acting in a way where you don't know the motivations behind it.
Who knows what this girl went through, what she was taught/denied and what she understood about her actions?
Maybe, just maybe, she doesn't think what she did was wrong because she sees it as *escaping* from a horrible situation.
Based on what you told me in that contrived situation of yours, the girl should get charged with murder and should face the consequences of her crime if she is deemed mentally fit. The mother probably has child abuse-related charges coming her way too.
Well instead of speculating when it suits you and criticizing speculation when it doesnt why dont we just stick to the facts. If it turns out the mother abused this girl then sure I will change my take on the story at least in relation to the girl. The guy I don't see what new information could come to light that would absolve him.
Maybe he was unhappy with his wife so he decided to leave her instead of remain unhappy?
If he continues to pay any child support he owes and stays in his daughters life. What is the problem here?
Legally there is no problem. If he was unhappy and wanted a divorce thats bad enough but he most certainly could have handled it better. Sneaking off to live with someone several decades younger than him was not the best way to handle this.
You can keep the speculation though, in the next few days they are supposed to give their side of the story so lets see what they say.
reonhato: can anyone in this thread say with 100% certainty that there would not be a situation in which you would leave your wife behind to go bang an 18 yr old when you are 41
Considering such a thing is against my religious beliefs....
However, I will say that statements of that nature are rather vague. Under extreme enough circumstances, most anything can happen. A fairer question is whether I can see myself leaving a wife and children, going by the information given. The answer is, to me at least, no.
I've never met an 18 year old that is mature enough to handle a long term relationship maturely. Let alone with a man who is 40. Then again he is probably a fucking creeper and will do whatever it takes to keep her around. "No baby I totally love Justin Bieber. Yeah he's totally the best. Yeah Twilight is without a doubt the most fantastic love story ever written"
reonhato: can anyone in this thread say with 100% certainty that there would not be a situation in which you would leave your wife behind to go bang an 18 yr old when you are 41
If I had a time machine and went into the future and found out I did that...I would shot myself...scratch that, I would shoot my older self first for being a moron, then shoot my younger self to keep it from happening. Divorce is only allowed in the case of abuse or infidielty in my eyes. Do it because you are bored? I am going to beat your hind end into line.
I just hope this experience doesnt mentally harm her in any way.
If it does, it will be mainly the fault of her mother for going into freak out mode instead of trying to support her.
No she is an adult now, she needs to take responsibility for her own life and that means accepting the consequences of her actions.
Of course the girl is responsible for her own actions at that point. Kendarek also has a point through. I know a fair bit about situations like this. The homelife set her up for liking older guys. Mom's reaction to finding out about a possible relationship is why she moved out to be with him. The mother's public shaming attempt has now forced the daughter to dig in. She can't emotionally go back and is now more emotionally attached to the guy. If she has problems with him, her mother's actions have also ensured that she can't ever go to her mother for advice. Her mother has also turned her first love into something shameful (at least in mom's eyes) which could create emotional harm to the poor girl and again make it harder to back away from the relationship (if that's ever appropriate) because she doesn't want mom to have been right. Mom failed this girl in every way possible.
reonhato: can anyone in this thread say with 100% certainty that there would not be a situation in which you would leave your wife behind to go bang an 18 yr old when you are 41
I can say that with 100% certainty, because I didn't leave me wife for another woman when I was 41. Of course she was 20 at the time and we were just married so maybe its an unfair question.
On a more serious note, there is very little more pathetic a man can do than cheat. Never have, never will. If you want to sleep with someone else you either get permission within the marriage, or you end the marriage. I also believe that if you are willing to end a long term marriage just to sleep with someone sexy the marriage was already over and you are just looking for an excuse.
reonhato: can anyone in this thread say with 100% certainty that there would not be a situation in which you would leave your wife behind to go bang an 18 yr old when you are 41
Considering that 41 has already passed me by, I can say so with 100% certainty.
I can also say with perfect certainty that I won't be sexing up any 18 year old girls in the future, too. That young reads as a kid to me.
I thought I said "lied to his family" but if I didnt then ok he lied to his family or if you want to be extremely technical (since I am willing to bet his wife never asked if he was cheating on her with a student) he deceived his family just like the girl decieved her family.
"There's nothing wrong with "adultery" as long the cards are on the table."
...I don't want to live in this world anymore...but as long as I don't have a choice, no adultery, particularly in this context, is wrong. Its essentially deceiving your spouse.
Um no a marriage is a commitment. Its not about owning anyone's body its about trusting your spouse.