Welcome to Sburb! (Dead and Over)

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>Chas: Ride OGRE like a mechanical bull.

WHEEEEEEEEthis is stupid.

>Chas: Offer to help.

You're not really sure if it understands English, but okay. You tell it the riveting TALE of your RISE TO HEROISM before singing him a rendition of LOOKING FOR A LIFETIME FRIEND, then you pull the THORN out.

BUNP?

>Connor: Maybe you could ask Shepardpie Sprite for help?

Aw fuck, you know your right, but damn it you don't want to fucking do that! Well, you got no choice. You make it down to your apartment and open the door and OH GOD NO!

Damn it, Shepardpie must be streaming that with his Omnitool! Two can play it that game! You walk into living room where they are dancing. You play this.

>Greg:Retreat from Ogres

While you manage to take down a few of the IMPS,with the help of Perry....you mean the CAT,there are still far too many OGRES for just the two of you to deal with.You will need more help but who....Lily.

While the CAT keeps the OGRES occupied for a few moments,you call for help from Lily and anyone else who might be of help.

>Chas: Wear the Scarf. Be the Rider. Although you have no idea where to find a SCARF at this hour, you do attempt to make friends with the OGRE. Pulling the THORN out of his hand causes him to roar with pain, but he doesn't attack.

However, when he sees you going in for a BUNP, he reacts poorly, thinking that you're attacking him. He flinches away from you.

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>Connor: You play the EPIC SAX GUY music. Nothing much else happens.

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>Greg: LILYSPRITE responds to your cry for help.

She flies up to you, and proceeds to hurl heavenly fire down on your opponents. She pretty much field-wipes them.

>Connor:Go ask her now.

Yeah, this is stupid. You stop playing epic sax guy's music and ask you dad if you can talk to Shepardpie in your room alone.

>Chas: Retract BUNP.

You stop yourself, instead holding your hand out for a regular old handshake. You also put on your telemarketer-friendly face.

Come on, big dude. Let's be friends. You're not all bad. I know.

We can make it on our own.

>Greg:Jaw hit floor

You are so stunned at the scene before you that you can't even resist following a badly worded command.She just single handily wipe out all of the IMPS and OGRES within a good mile or so of your HOUSE.

You quickly compose yourself and thank her.

> Xavier: Rage out
GodMonster(,) dammit.
You thought you had everything planned.

> Xavier: Be pestered by your server

> Xavier: Play with your dolls while you wait
I hold DEAD-TEDDY and PIMPPLE in my hands.
They're not dolls! They're...cuddly effigies!

> Xavier: Play with your cuddly effigies
You shan't play with them! You shall PLAN WITH THEM.

> Xavier: Plan with your cuddly effigies
I cross my legs and plan with my cuddly effigies.
DEAD-TEDDY represents you and PIMPPLE represents the BLACK KING.

> Effigy Xavier: Confront Effigy Black King
"Stand down, Black King! You have no chance of winning for I have all the plans! All of them!"

> Effigy Black King: Respond
"You fool! You think you have a chance of winning?! En garde!

> Cuddly Effigies: STRIFE!
This is the greatest battle ever!
...Well, not really, your just pushing them together to make it look like they're fighting.

>Chas: The OGRE calms down, influenced by your SALESMAN ETIQUETTE. Your EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH meter skyrockets.

The OGRE seems to be grateful for your help.

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>Greg: LILYSPRITE smiles at you. She replies that she was only performing her duties.

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>Xavier: Your CUDDLY EFFIGY STRIFE seems to have attracted the attention of a group of IMPS. They gather around, watching your fake-fight.

>Dirk: Go get food

Angered by your need for OBVIOUS BASIC NECESSITIES, you take the MAP back to the VILLAGE, once there you shall purchase FOOD, WATER, a TENT, and anything else that a CAMPER might take. If there is one thing you hate more than WAITING, it is SPEEDING SOMEWHERE TO FIND OUT YOU HAVE TO GO BACK. It is just infuriating, HERO OF TIME OR NOT.

Oh wait, THIS IS STUPID. You use your HASTE FRAY MOTIF to speed up your journey.

>Chas: Explain situation.

You begin to use visual cues in conjunction with your various CHARTS to explain your situation to the OGRE, aiming to create the bond that can only be formed between a 40-year-old black man and his young homeless talking dog. By which you mean you really want to be able to ride a forking OGRE into battle. How badass is that, seriously.

> Effigy Xavier: Give the final blow
After a grueling battle, Effigy Xavier, the tired, badly wounded warrior, looks at his equally badly wounded enemy.
"You should of gave up when you had the chance.", Effigy Xavier says in a gruff, hard boiled manner.
Effigy Black King panted heavily, "You truly are the best player I have EVER seen!"
"Ya damn right!"

> ===>
Effigy Xavier delivers the final blow.

>Connor: Check on Waffles.

You stop looking at your blue prints for a sec as Shepardpie looks at them to see if you can build that stuff. You look and-OH GOD LOL! This is priceless! He is playing with his dolls in front of all the imps! OH GOD THIS IS THE FUNNEST SHIT YOU EVER SAW!

>Connor: Mess with him.

You use your server game to take the bear out of his hands as he is about to strike the final blow on the other bear. You then start attacking the imps with it, knowing that it would just really piss them off. God, this is the best!

>Greg:Breath sigh of relief.

Well now that that is over,thanks to Lily of course,its time to plan your next move.Rich has built your house up a bit but not much.You doubt anymore IMPS and OGRES will come around here for a bit thanks to Lily.Which leaves one thing you can do.

>Greg:Explore area some more

> Xavier: Flip off your server
YOU WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF A PLAN!

>Dirk: Using HASTE significantly decreases your travel time. However, when you arrive back at the CAMP, you feel absolutely exhausted.

The CAMP is pretty much the same as it was when you left. Still got the ELDER TENT and the BAZAAR, as well as all the IGUANAS.

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>Chas: Using your SALESMAN SKILLS, you are able to convince the OGRE to ally himself with you. However, he seems a bit insulted that you want to ride him.

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>Xavier: Thanks to Connor's interference, the IMPS FLIP THE FUCK OUT. They do not enjoyed being attacked by DEAD-TEDDY.

They stalk off, clearly upset.

However, after Connor attacks them with a BATH-TUB, they become very, very angry. They turn and begin attacking you.

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>Connor: You manage to possibly endanger your Client Player! +30 XP points!

Wait, no that's stupid. SHEPERDPIESPRITE gives you a disapproving glance.

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>Greg: You explore the top of the tower. It's about 200 yards in diameter, and is pretty close to a perfect circle.

Along the edge, there's a five-foot high wall. Peering over the edge reveals that the tower is incredibly high; the ground is nearly a mile below you.

The VOLCANO that had appeared next to your house seems to be located on top of its own tower, quite similar to the one your house is on. It does have a much larger area though, in order to support the VOLCANO.

> Xavier: Rage!
GODMONSTER DAMMIT, CONNOR!

> Xavier: STRIFE!
I SLASH and STAB my way through IMPS with the TCM-D.

>Chas: Find new ally, still no steed

Story of your life, you swear. You briefly wonder if you could curl up and go to sleep on his belly but that might make things worse.

Regardless, you give your new friend the honorable title of Dash Overcoat, forming the most hard-boiled private eye duo in the Incipisphere. You set off to the NEXT VILLAGE with him, hoping to find a shop selling clothes in OGRE-size.

>Dirk: Oh wow

This... this is tiring. You never expected a boy your age who spends all of his time indoors watching anime to be so damn OUT OF SHAPE.

Oh well, you MAKE THE PURCHASES and decide to take a quick rest before heading out to the GATE again. You really can't bear all of this running.

>Greg:Don't look down

You try,and fail,to resist the urge to look down.Of course as you look down past the wall you see that the ground is a mile off.You probably don't want to fall off this tower.That would be very bad for your health.

You push your hand against the wall and part of you is surprised that the wall seems to be solid.Even though it is a game construct.This makes you more curious about all of this.And you know someone who might be able to give you some answers.

>Greg:Walk over and ask Lily questions

>Xavier: You're able to defeat the IMPS with little difficulty. +146 Build Grist, +85 Amber Grist.

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>Chas: The OGRE clearly has no idea what you're talking about, but he follows you around anyway.

You and Dash Overcoat walk along for a few hours. Suddenly, you hear someone shouting for help. Sounds like a GECKO.

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>Dirk: You set up your TENT among the many smaller ones that make up the CAMP. You quickly fall asleep.

As your mind slips away, you begin to dream. It's definitely a strange one. Your vision is incredibly blurry, and occasionally fades to black. You can barely make anything out, but what you do see seems to be... purple?

You also seem to hear some EPIC SAX RIFFS in the distance.

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>Greg:

>Chas: Begin first contract as a private eye.

Sounds like more hysteria in the distance. Can't rest in this city. Nowhere's safe and nobody's clean. This town doesn't know how good it's got it. Out of town one day and suddenly whole place is up in flames. Up to me to stop it. Not that they'd ever find out.

You light a hypothetical cigar. Smoking is bad for you.

No time to waste here. May as well check out who's causing all this ruckus, being all hysterical and whatnot.

>Greg:Think on Conversation

You know Lily is right.You need to have more faith in yourself...Easier said then done though.You exhale then breath in slowly.Lily hasn't led you wrong in the past,always being your symbol of luck and kindness.

You look up at your home,or more correctly,the part of your HOUSE that Rich has added onto.You don't know why you are here but that isn't important right now.What is important is that you ARE here.Lily told you that you do something important in the future and you aim to not screw that up.

You will not be a liability to your friends.You will not burden them.You will help them in anyway you can as will you help the trolls and anyone who needs your help.

You will be a HERO.

>Greg:Climb Rich added parts of the house

>Dirk: Dream

Wait a minute, what the hell is--

Oh. Wait. Never mind. You're still in your TENT. You suppose it's just HALLUCINATIONS after the exhausting running around you've been doing. Still, it seemed like a really real HALLUCINATION. Oh well, you decide it's nothing important. You CAPTCHALOGUE your TENT WITH CAMPER'S KIT into your BERSERK card. You don't really recall GETTING A BERSERK card, though. You really need to keep better track of your SYLLADEX. Then again, the TENT WITH CAMPER'S KIT disappears, so you're pretty certain you've got one in there, or at least some CARD that will accept that sort of thing.

Rested and rejuvenated, you leave the village and make for the GATE once more.

>Connor: Build your masterpiece!

That's much better. OK, based on your awesome building plans, You go up to Xavier's attic and open up it's part of the roof. You add a latter that leads up to a new building that you are about to build about 50 feet high. There you copy pasta your hate friends couch and bed and move his computer and it's desk, for easier access to his server. After you finish with that building, which is held up with walls leading from the attic's area of the roof, so it's kind of a upward hallway with a latter. You then make stairs from a doorway up to platform being held up by lots of chimes. This platform is directly under the gate, which you put another latter for easy access. OK, done.

>Chas: You and Dash Overcoat investigate the commotion. You find a GECKO trapped within some kind of machine. It looks like some kind of vehicle.

The GECKO is distressed, but unharmed.

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>Greg: You begin to climb the additions Rich has made to your house. Thanks to LILYSPRITE'S help, your path is entirely free of enemies.

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>Dirk: Rejuvenated, and now in possession of the necessary SURVIVAL GEAR, you re-venture towards the Second Gate. Now that you are familiar with the route, you easily find the Gate.

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>Connor: Just as you finish your additions onto Xavier's house, you are set upon by a group of IMPS!

Looks like a good chance to test out your new AGENCY BAT.

>wait, didn't you already test out that bat/ oh and i'm back bro

Yeah, you did use that bat already, which means that when you kick these guys asses it should UPGRADE TO ONE STAR! Also, this room is very cramped, the imps not liking it very much anyways, go into the kitchen and try to trap you in there. Time to kick some ass!

>STRIFE1

>Dirk: Take control of the situation.

You tell your little green friend that you are the HERO OF TIME, come to enter the GATE and save them all from the oppressive regime of THE DENIZEN. You and your IMPOSSIBLY LARGE COLLAR have got it all under control, so just wait here until you get back.

>Dirk: ENTER THE GATE

>Chas: Investigate.

You walk around for a little bit, picking up random rocks and items you come across on the floor and scanning them thoroughly for clues.

Nothing. Whoever did this was truly a criminal mastermind. You're actually still not sure what they did, but they did it and they did it well.

>Chas: Free the gecko

You attempt to remove the GECKO from his prison and investigate the VEHICLE.

>Connor: After a short STRIFE, you defeat the IMPS! You are promoted to a level 5 Plucky Guy. +1000 Boondollars.

You pick up 139 Build Grist and 94 Tar Grist.

What's this? It looks like your AGENCY BAT is evolving! You wisely choose not to press B, and are rewarded with a ONE-STAR AGENCY BAT!

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>Dirk: The IGUANA is wowed by your IMPOSSIBLY LARGE COLLAR, and can only watch you in silence. However, you do notice that he looks a little confused when you mention the DENIZEN.

Once you walk through the Second Gate, you find yourself in the middle of a WINDSWEPT DESERT. Here and there, you can see a few structures poking out of the sand, but it appears that a large amount of building have been buried by the shifting landscape.

Looking behind you, you can see that the Second Gate is set atop a rather tall tower, with its steps still intact. You should be able to find it without too much trouble, should you want to go back.

On a whim, you examine your MAP. It appears to have re-sized itself, with a large portion of it now blank.

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>Chas: With some help from Dash Overcoat's brute strength, you are able to get the GECKO out of the STRANGE VEHICLE. He is quite grateful, and explains what happened.

It turns out that the GECKO is actually from a village quite a ways from here, and that he found the STRANGE VEHICLE lying around, and decided to try it out.

Turns out, the STRANGE VEHICLE was a STRANGE FLYING DEVICE, and the GECKO soon lost control. After flying around for a few hours, he finally crashed down here. And then you showed up.

>Chas: Chartsplain

You EXPLAIN your SITUATION to the GECKO using your always-handy CHARTS. Then you realize that however not-very-bright these fellows may be, they appear to have a relatively firm grasp of ENGLISH, and you ask if there exists a NON-SUICIDAL shortcut to the NEXT VILLAGE. You also take a moment to REASSURE him that Dash Overcoat is in every way a FRIEND.

You also take note of this GECKO's adventuring experience and begin to cook up a hard-boiled name for him.

>Chas: Double post

WHOOPS

You hide your shame from the GECKO and your OGRE companion. Your dignity must be preserved.

>Greg:Reach top

You reach the top of the additions that Rich has added to your HOUSE which isn't very many.You sit yourself zen like on a small platform near the top.

You decide it may be a wise idea to get a bit of rest while you wait as you have no idea when you will get sleep otherwise.

You start going through the motions your MOTHER taught you to put yourself into a trance like sleep while still remaining fully alert to your surroundings.Having a NINJA for a MOTHER does seem to have come in quite handy after all.

>Greg:Enter trance like sleep

>Chas: The GECKO explains that while he knows several SUICIDAL SHORT-CUTS, the only safe way to the next village is simply to walk.

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>Greg: You suddenly wake up, in your room. Although, there seems to be a lot more yellow than you remember...

You notice a peculiar looking fellow. He has not noticed you, and is in fact engrossed in one of your books. He is garbed in strange clothes, and wears a satchel. His skin is pure-white.

>Chas: Increase team size.

You give your finest LEADERLY NOD. The FLYING MACHINE is quite obviously in no condition to TAKE TO THE SKIES, but perhaps in the next VILLAGE you can find out more about the FLYING MACHINE that's carrying your FATHER.

But that's later! Right now, the safest way to travel these obviously dangerous wastes is on a team. A hard-boiled team with a knack for getting themselves into trouble that only they can handle. You name the GECKO Ace Tailspin and bestow upon him the honorable title of pilot and getaway driver. You think this guy could actually fit in one of your CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS, but you save that for later when things get just a little too hot to handle.

Actually, that's never. You are simply too HEROIC. You'll save him if he ever gets himself into a jam, though. With that, you lead TEAM ALDER onward to the NEXT VILLAGE. Oh, the adventures you'll have.

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