Writing Workshop (Interest Thread)

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Would anyone else be interesting in forming some sort of writing workshop for the RP forum? Like, one could post an example of their own writing from RPs they are in and others could provide constructive criticism and the like. In my experience peer review is by far the best way to improve one's writing and I wondering if anyone else felt the same way?

I would be possibly interested in this idea, I wouldn't mind giving and receiving some reviews.

I often wondered why this had never been considered before. Sounds like a good idea to me. = D

Tips_of_Fingers:
I often wondered why this had never been considered before. Sounds like a good idea to me. = D

It has been considered before. It lasted a while and then people stopped using it because... no real reason, as far as I remember. People just stopped using it. Could have been that no-one was reviewing stuff or that no-one wanted to have their work criticised.

But hey, if people can keep this active I guess it'd be kinda nice. I'll probably never use the thread but the option's available for those who want it, I guess.

Noooo, even the slightest criticism will send me into a spiral of depression involving copious amounts of ice scream and eventually crack cocaine!

OT: Sounds like a good idea to me.

Febel:
Would anyone else be interesting in forming some sort of writing workshop for the RP forum? Like, one could post an example of their own writing from RPs they are in and others could provide constructive criticism and the like. In my experience peer review is by far the best way to improve one's writing and I wondering if anyone else felt the same way?

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It's a great idea. I support it.

Why not? What kind of restrictions would there be on the writing though?

Deviate:
Why not? What kind of restrictions would there be on the writing though?

None really, I suppose. If it's something that could be posted in the RP forum here it could be posted up. Or hell, if you've got a short story or something you want edited you could put that up as well. I'd be lying if I said I'd thought through all the rules and such of it, I was just putting the idea out there. I guess I'll start...

Taken from Shadows Of the Universe
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/540.314737-Shadows-of-the-Universe-Sci-fi-Action-RP-Started-Closed?page=1

I already know this demonstrates one of my biggest flaws. I write way too fucking much. I get a scene in my head and I have to describe every little thing exactly as I see it because otherwise it just won't be perfect.

I would like to signify my approval of this idea. I'll form up some thoughts on the above post, as well...

Bleh, double post...

Febel:
-Shadows of the Universe-

What this needs, in my opinion, is compression. My favourite way to do this is by using compound sentences, so that a bunch of stuff happens within the same 'idea', and it doesn't feel like a list. The other option, of course, is not to use an adjective unless it's in order to make a point, and to make sure that each sentence is for a particular purpose in the act of storytelling.

On the other hand, the overload of short, sharp sentences works really well when you are illustrating his intense absorption of detail, just before being stomped on.

Something else that jarred for me was this:

... and ran at it. It was tough on the outside ...

I find the double 'it' weird, and I personally always try to replace one or both with some other word.

I've realised why no one does reviews: I feel super-pretentious in handing out my opinion. Hope it helps...

Hey, I have something that I wanted someone to go through.
.


.

ThreeWords:
-snip-

TheIronRuler:

ThreeWords:
-snip-

That someone being be, I suppose?

I'll be glad to

ThreeWords:

TheIronRuler:

ThreeWords:
-snip-

That someone being be, I suppose?

I'll be glad to

.
You should note that this is a writing style I've been experimenting with lately. So... It isn't conventional. At all. It's supposed to be fragmented and rushed.

TheIronRuler:

ThreeWords:

TheIronRuler:

That someone being be, I suppose?

I'll be glad to

.
You should note that this is a writing style I've been experimenting with lately. So... It isn't conventional. At all. It's supposed to be fragmented and rushed.

The story is chilling, but the actual wording is awkward and clumsy; not fragmented enough in my opinion. In Black, you have the right idea with the short sentences to illustrate focus born of panic, but the narrator finds time to sound quite analytical as s/he considers stamina. It ought to be replaced with something about it ebing hard to breath, or limbs feeling heavy; limit the narration to that which you can actually consider when you are running for your life.

If this is an exercise in style, I can see where you're going with it, but it needs more work.

I would quite like to know where this came from; if it's an RP, I want in, and if it's an exercise in creative writing, I want to see more.

God, I sound like an arsehole when I give criticism

ThreeWords:

TheIronRuler:

ThreeWords:

That someone being be, I suppose?

I'll be glad to

.
You should note that this is a writing style I've been experimenting with lately. So... It isn't conventional. At all. It's supposed to be fragmented and rushed.

The story is chilling, but the actual wording is awkward and clumsy; not fragmented enough in my opinion. In Black, you have the right idea with the short sentences to illustrate focus born of panic, but the narrator finds time to sound quite analytical as s/he considers stamina. It ought to be replaced with something about it ebing hard to breath, or limbs feeling heavy; limit the narration to that which you can actually consider when you are running for your life.

If this is an exercise in style, I can see where you're going with it, but it needs more work.

I would quite like to know where this came from; if it's an RP, I want in, and if it's an exercise in creative writing, I want to see more.

God, I sound like an arsehole when I give criticism

.
Thank you for reviewing my work.
It does make sense... 'Stamina' does seem to be out of place.
It's an exercise in creative writing, I did it on a whim. Did you understand it? Were you able to grasp the plot floating in the air?
Oh, what about the second story?
(I have some more work to show, but not from the same exercise. A short story)

TheIronRuler:

.
I Thank you for reviewing my work.
It does make sense... 'Stamina' does seem to be out of place.
It's an exercise in creative writing, I did it on a whim. Did you understand it? Were you able to grasp the plot floating in the air?
Oh, what about the second story?
(I have some more work to show, but not from the same exercise. A short story)

My criticisms covered both, though White felt like you had improved your style between them.

I am assuming that they are two sides to the same story. I think that the narrator in Black is running from the narrator of White; evidently one or both of them have had their memories altered. It struck me that it could be that the experiments on the man/monster may have caused his soul to be broken loose, and settle on the Chief, which would explain his disorientation, and his confusion of gender.

How close am I?

ThreeWords:

TheIronRuler:

.
I Thank you for reviewing my work.
It does make sense... 'Stamina' does seem to be out of place.
It's an exercise in creative writing, I did it on a whim. Did you understand it? Were you able to grasp the plot floating in the air?
Oh, what about the second story?
(I have some more work to show, but not from the same exercise. A short story)

My criticisms covered both, though White felt like you had improved your style between them.

I am assuming that they are two sides to the same story. I think that the narrator in Black is running from the narrator of White; evidently one or both of them have had their memories altered. It struck me that it could be that the experiments on the man/monster may have caused his soul to be broken loose, and settle on the Chief, which would explain his disorientation, and his confusion of gender.

How close am I?

.
They are both sides to the same story. The narrator from Black is indeed running from the narrator from White. That's the fun bit here - They are both disoriented and the only thing that motivates them forward is something they do not understand/remember.
If you pay close attention you can infer that the man from White had been a part of the experiments, perhaps as a scientists or other. While they tried to contain him and experiment on his body, he resisted and fled. When he goes into fits of rage it all turns into White. The narrator from Black was born - he consciousness, that is, from Blackness.
Tried to do a little contrast with as little details as possible. Perhaps they switched? Perhaps it was a moment of insanity? The supernatural?
Meh, F*ck it. I'm not going to explain it, it's exercise!
.
Right, I want to show you a bit of the short story.
.

TheIronRuler:
snip

The story ends with this passage:

We greet each other goodbye, and he tells me I should inform my mother of his arrival. I take a few steps away from Bartholomew and I look up at the sky. I am surprised to see the daylight fading away, and as I look at the square I can see people lighting candles for the event.
.

To me, it seems incomplete. Is there some missing, or are you going for a relatively subtle message?

As for style, there's nothing immediately wrong with the delivery. Occasionally, you repeat a phrase in such a way that it feels odd, and there is the odd grating phrase; "bad for you abdomen" makes for an awkward threat, for example.

The other thing is that you use a limited narrator, but occasionally your descriptions seems to be omniscient, and don't fit the youthful aspect of the past-version narrator.

Finally, you put wrote "fourteen year old nice", which won't come up on you spell check.

Huh. I thought this thread had died entirely. Guess I just hadn't been paying it enough attention.

ThreeWords:

Febel:
-Shadows of the Universe-

What this needs, in my opinion, is compression. My favourite way to do this is by using compound sentences, so that a bunch of stuff happens within the same 'idea', and it doesn't feel like a list. The other option, of course, is not to use an adjective unless it's in order to make a point, and to make sure that each sentence is for a particular purpose in the act of storytelling.

On the other hand, the overload of short, sharp sentences works really well when you are illustrating his intense absorption of detail, just before being stomped on.

Something else that jarred for me was this:

... and ran at it. It was tough on the outside ...

I find the double 'it' weird, and I personally always try to replace one or both with some other word.

I've realised why no one does reviews: I feel super-pretentious in handing out my opinion. Hope it helps...

Compound sentences, drop unneeded adjectives and make sure each sentence has a solid purpose. thanks, I'll try to work on those. And no, there's nothing pretentious about constructive criticism.

TheIronRuler:
Hey, I have something that I wanted someone to go through.
.


.

ThreeWords:
-snip-

I would say it needs a little more context provided within the actual text, like giving character's motivations or the actual setting but then A. That's just me and I've never really been one for stream of conciousness writing and B. That was just a snippet and you probably provided those later on. I also imagine that would be difficult to do for an entire RP but that might not have been your intention anyway.

ThreeWords:

TheIronRuler:
snip

The story ends with this passage:

We greet each other goodbye, and he tells me I should inform my mother of his arrival. I take a few steps away from Bartholomew and I look up at the sky. I am surprised to see the daylight fading away, and as I look at the square I can see people lighting candles for the event.
.

To me, it seems incomplete. Is there some missing, or are you going for a relatively subtle message?

As for style, there's nothing immediately wrong with the delivery. Occasionally, you repeat a phrase in such a way that it feels odd, and there is the odd grating phrase; "bad for you abdomen" makes for an awkward threat, for example.

The other thing is that you use a limited narrator, but occasionally your descriptions seems to be omniscient, and don't fit the youthful aspect of the past-version narrator.

Finally, you put wrote "fourteen year old nice", which won't come up on you spell check.

.
I should go over the spelling and composition another time, but it's a hassle.
Yes, it's only a portion of the story.
.

Well, I think this is a great idea for a thread and hopefully will stick around for a while

At any rate, I'm gonna post a couple of what may potentially be my best pieces and I'd really like to know what people think.

Before delving into these pieces, take note that they are fairly dark in tone and fairly graphic in content. So, you have been warned. Fairly, might I add.

NOTE: The second piece was written in a shorter amount of time, so if you feel that it appears to have been rushed then you are probably correct.

Will include my first few pages of work in progress soon. I'm currently playing with the idea of beginning a novel of atleast 70,000 words. I've got a big chunk done so far, but am currently toying with ideas and different plot points.

If anyone fancies reading Just over 6,000 words, then quote this and I'll put it up for reading - Would be good to get some constructive critique.

Dectomax:
Will include my first few pages of work in progress soon. I'm currently playing with the idea of beginning a novel of atleast 70,000 words. I've got a big chunk done so far, but am currently toying with ideas and different plot points.

If anyone fancies reading Just over 6,000 words, then quote this and I'll put it up for reading - Would be good to get some constructive critique.

Well, I, for one, wouldn't mind a good, extended read. :P

Mortis Nuncius:

Dectomax:
Will include my first few pages of work in progress soon. I'm currently playing with the idea of beginning a novel of atleast 70,000 words. I've got a big chunk done so far, but am currently toying with ideas and different plot points.

If anyone fancies reading Just over 6,000 words, then quote this and I'll put it up for reading - Would be good to get some constructive critique.

Well, I, for one, wouldn't mind a good, extended read. :P

After checking through all the formatting that would be required to get it readable and keep the punctuation ( The escapist has the strange habit of turning random punctuation into question marks ) I have decided I'd rather cut my own arm off.

Unless anyone here knows of a way to take text from a word document and stop the escapist from nomming my beautiful punctuation?

Dectomax:

Mortis Nuncius:

Dectomax:
Will include my first few pages of work in progress soon. I'm currently playing with the idea of beginning a novel of atleast 70,000 words. I've got a big chunk done so far, but am currently toying with ideas and different plot points.

If anyone fancies reading Just over 6,000 words, then quote this and I'll put it up for reading - Would be good to get some constructive critique.

Well, I, for one, wouldn't mind a good, extended read. :P

After checking through all the formatting that would be required to get it readable and keep the punctuation ( The escapist has the strange habit of turning random punctuation into question marks ) I have decided I'd rather cut my own arm off.

Unless anyone here knows of a way to take text from a word document and stop the escapist from nomming my beautiful punctuation?

Depending on the kinds of punctuation you're using, you could just cpy/paste it into notepad and it should be properly formatted for use in The Escapist. Though if you're using some extreme form of punctuation, then it may just be more than a problem with the font. :P

Dectomax:
( The escapist has the strange habit of turning random punctuation into question marks ) I have decided I'd rather cut my own arm off.

Just post. It's all borked in the Preview, but it'll be fine in the post =)

Don't say I didn't warn you...Also - if the punctuation is replaced by "?" I'm going to kill several small children.

ThreeWords:

Dectomax:
( The escapist has the strange habit of turning random punctuation into question marks ) I have decided I'd rather cut my own arm off.

Just post. It's all borked in the Preview, but it'll be fine in the post =)

Alas, you're correct! Thank you good sir!

Dectomax:

ThreeWords:
[quote="Dectomax" post="540.332628.13651262"]( The escapist has the strange habit of turning random punctuation into question marks ) I have decided I'd rather cut my own arm off.

Just post. It's all borked in the Preview, but it'll be fine in the post =)

Alas, you're correct! Thank you good sir![/quote

That's what I'm here for. I'll be doing some reading and critiquing at some point, but I'm kinda busy at the moment...

I like this, a good idea.

Here's one of my very first posts (way back in Aug 2010) in a now defunct Star Wars RP titled 'Empire at War'.

If nobody has any objections, I'd like to help form a writing workshop with anyone interested.

ThreeWords:

-snip-

.
So...Not interested in the rest of the story? Alright.

May as well bring up a failed RPG I conceived a while back. Failed before it even got any ground. Because how much text there is, I can only provide a hyperlink for those interested in probing this:

Following the Red Trail...

Touted as 'A Roleplay of Personal Horror,' I was hoping to get enough people to create a game of betrayal, suspense, and psychology using the World of Darkness as a narrative lens.

Here was the first post I made in the Star Brigade thread.

I try to add more context to the scenes most of the time, moreso than simple speak and respond back and forth talk. I haven't done it as much recently, but that was due to real life circumstances hampering my ability to function emotionally.

TheIronRuler:

ThreeWords:

TheIronRuler:
snip

The story ends with this passage:

We greet each other goodbye, and he tells me I should inform my mother of his arrival. I take a few steps away from Bartholomew and I look up at the sky. I am surprised to see the daylight fading away, and as I look at the square I can see people lighting candles for the event.
.

To me, it seems incomplete. Is there some missing, or are you going for a relatively subtle message?

As for style, there's nothing immediately wrong with the delivery. Occasionally, you repeat a phrase in such a way that it feels odd, and there is the odd grating phrase; "bad for you abdomen" makes for an awkward threat, for example.

The other thing is that you use a limited narrator, but occasionally your descriptions seems to be omniscient, and don't fit the youthful aspect of the past-version narrator.

Finally, you put wrote "fourteen year old nice", which won't come up on you spell check.

.
I should go over the spelling and composition another time, but it's a hassle.
Yes, it's only a portion of the story.
.

Of course I'm interested. But some thing's keep me busy, like preparing for the exam I just
finished.

The story is inspired in it's chilling aspect, but often my immersion is broken by awkward turns of phrase, mainly in dialogue, or concerning it. Recording all the slips here is pointless, but I can send you a PM with a list.

I cannot yet comment on the story as a whole, since I've yet to see it. Can I see the third part please?

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