Zero Punctuation: Valkyria Chronicles

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People who plan on taking this review seriously might want to bear in mind the numerous factual inaccuracies which suggest that he's barely played beyond the first couple of missions. Sandbags aren't the only things you can crouch behind and weapons can be upgraded in several different ways. If snipers are only hitting one in ten shots then I suggest he either reads the instruction manual or retires from playing video games. His line about the protagonist's sister being plot-centric and therefore invincible will be amusing to anyone who's played past the first third of the game. The comment about excessive micromanagement is also bizarre considering how simplistic it is in VC compared to other TRPGs.

Max-Vader:

PS: What, no breast-jokes about the valkyrie?

Given the complaint about upgrades, I bet he didn't even play that far.

Generic 'I love Yahtzee comment', quote joke from this week's review and add lol.

Despite this review putting this game to shame, I still think it was a great game. Still a great review. I loved the bit with chess and elastic bands.

Ah i love the way he relaised how little chance he had of escaping this.

harhol:
The comment about excessive micromanagement is also bizarre considering how simplistic it is in VC compared to other TRPGs.

That does mean it's not excessive, just that the others are even worse. Tbh, he probably doesn't have time to play it all the way through to the end. I'd never play it anyway so I don't really care about the review.

haakonb:
Loved this ep and your description of JRGP's, can't agree more.

I HATE JRPG's

...and now I'll probably get a lot of angry faggy fanboy comments..

You'll actually get reported for saying; "faggy fanboy comments".

STFU and GTFO troll.

bartholen:
Chest high walls represented by the box of Gears 2 = brilliant.

I was so about to bring that up... love the reference to the earlier review. As well as "fractal spreadsheet nightmare".

Maybe when a new Fire Emblem comes out, Yahtzee can review that. Or he can tear into the remake of the first one... whichever.

I'm sad that Yahtzee evidently didn't play real far into the game.

Personally I loved VC right up until we find out who the titular Valkyria is. After that it became this obnoxious, amazingly predictable anvilicious deluge of bullshit. I would have loved for him to rip the story a new one, since pretty much every OTHER review of it gives it nothing but drooling praise.

Please, Mr. Croshaw, finish Valkyria Chronicles. I swear to God, it gets worse.

GloatingSwine:

Max-Vader:

PS: What, no breast-jokes about the valkyrie?

Given the complaint about upgrades, I bet he didn't even play that far.

True. As already pointed out by harhol, his claim of more screentime = invincible would prove that about halfway through the game. And if he calls that micromanagement, I wonder how he can play any RPG without bitching. Also, the Empire is not depicted as the all-evil - that is emphasised in one cutscene with a dying empire soldier and at the end of "what lies beyond hate". (And the Federation aren't much better than the empire anyway.)

His review was very funny, but he should at least know something about the game he's criticising and not go "Ok, I played the first three missions, thats enough - I already know it's shit because it's a JRPG!"

I get the feeling he didn't even give Valkyria Chronicles a chance although it' very unique because of his... let's say "prejudices" against it.

Me and my zero punctuation t shirt noticed that yahtzee has calmed down a bit ever since he said the word "ni-"
Which is too bad, I think. While I realize he is a game reviewer and this is the wrong venue for politics, it's a shame he has to limit her verbal outbursts to a rather small spectacle of modern life. Obviously this came from the boss.
Instead of making a game review show on the side, he should add politics to his auditory rampage, he could be the next jon stewart, he'd put howard stern to shame. Might even appear as the second coming of dice clay.

Anybody else agree?

Nice work continuing the thinly veiled world-war 2 thing with words such as 'bollock-caust'...

odisious15:
Well watching that saved me from buying a PS3 for the sole purpose of playing Valkryia Chronicles. Guess I'll stick to my PC for gaming and hope we get more JRPG's withing the next decade or two.
As for the review hilarious as always.

odisious15:
Well watching that saved me from buying a PS3 for the sole purpose of playing Valkryia Chronicles. Guess I'll stick to my PC for gaming and hope we get more JRPG's withing the next decade or two.
As for the review hilarious as always.

I don't know. I haven't been able to take Yhatzee's taste seriously since he recommended we all buy No More Heroes.

VC is way better than that crap, but yes I don't know why the consecutive cutscenes are sectioned off. That part gets annoying, especially if you don't feel like watching an anime episode.

Although, I have to say I love it when he makes fun of games I like. I wish he had made fun of Saints Row 2 more; it was brilliant sure, but it still had plenty to ridicule.

Republicans and compassion xD

The expression, "so mind-numbingly terrible it's good" came to mind.

beddo:

harhol:
The comment about excessive micromanagement is also bizarre considering how simplistic it is in VC compared to other TRPGs.

That does mean it's not excessive, just that the others are even worse. Tbh, he probably doesn't have time to play it all the way through to the end. I'd never play it anyway so I don't really care about the review.

If you don't want to micromanage units, don't play a TRPG...
It's like playing Gran Turismo and complaining because you have to drive a car.
And anyone who has played VC will know how astonishingly simple it is. Calling it "excessive" is ludicrous. Units don't even have EXP!

wow... yatzee REALLY has a thing for german sausages.

I can understand that most games aren't that great these days and have their faults, and it can't be helped if Yahtzee ends up disliking most titles he gets his hands on because he couldn't have known or because they really do happen to be shitty, but why the fuck does he review a game he knows he's gonna hate? That EVERYONE knows he's gonna hate? Why does he even play it? Sure, he's got to have an overview as a critic, but is this sort of theatre truly necessary? Is popular demand so tiresome that he does it despite everything, even though he knows he's rambling about the same shit over and over? Even though he knows that he's making us witness him drifting down the same river of feces all over again?

He's said he's trying new things. He has been for at least a couple of reviews now. So he's trying out a JRPG in case the bile he spews at them so hilariously is in fact, not deserved

While I generally stay away from Yahtzee's review threads I felt compelled to come here and say that this is the first one in a long time that felt like the Yahtzee videos he first put up on YouTube. It more than likely has to do with the fact he hates JRPG's and played a bad one at that than anything else.

I find though that the more I watch Yahtzee the more I drift away from main stream games and into the indie category. Is this a bad thing, or have I just grown tired with main stream games and need a break to play games like World of Goo, Crayon Physics, and the Wallace and Gromit episodic adventures? That's more of a rhetorical question I don't really need an answer to it.

Wow, was this "name-change" serious?
That would be particularily dumb since Europe = Europa in many European languages.

Anyway, nice review.
Guess the developers couldn't be bothered to come up with a new story.

I get the feeling he didn't even give Valkyria Chronicles a chance although it' very unique because of his... let's say "prejudices" against it.

He only has a week to play the games he's reviewing. And I doubt he gets every single hour of every single day to play the games he's reviewing. So with RPGs, games which take time and patience, of course he's not going to get all the way

lol very good, nice with a litle change tbh so we don't end up with "innovation being to this series what a cheeseburger is to a lactose intolerant Hindu."

Hey guys, just a heads' up, Yahtzee isn't a reviewer...

He's the class clown.

Next he might wanna try Phantom Crash...it has a nice semblant of MMO, with as much loading screen ^-^

Patrick_and_the_ricks:

GuNsLiNgEr X:
Fourth!

*facepalm* Do you even care about the review or do you just want everyone to see you say the word fourth?

i dont see why they have to put them on probation for it >>

but the video was hilarious, im surprised he didnt deny anythign at the end

UtopiaV1:
Hey guys, just a heads' up, Yahtzee isn't a reviewer...

He's the class clown.

is that why he is famous and has hundreds of thousands of fans?

Hehe I love looking on the comment page just to laugh at how many idiots get probated or banned. You think they would have learnt by now. Anyway I thought it was quite a funny review, and just the right length of time to eat my toasty sandwich in.

Pallindromemordnillap:

I get the feeling he didn't even give Valkyria Chronicles a chance although it' very unique because of his... let's say "prejudices" against it.

He only has a week to play the games he's reviewing. And I doubt he gets every single hour of every single day to play the games he's reviewing. So with RPGs, games which take time and patience, of course he's not going to get all the way

You're right, but... he just had to play it for about an hour and could have made more accurate points. Hell, he could have looked at the plot summary at Wikipedia. That would take him five minutes and even an review based on that alone would be more precise, but I guess he ignored that in favor of more humorous generalisations about it. It's his style to overreact so it's more funny, but at some points he was either completly clueless or lying (for example, the upgradesystem and "micromanagement").

Teiraa:

UtopiaV1:
Hey guys, just a heads' up, Yahtzee isn't a reviewer...

He's the class clown.

is that why he is famous and has hundreds of thousands of fans?

Yes, that's right! Finally someone who understands, he is funny, hence popular! If you want a review, go see Susan Arendt or John Funk... although I wouldn't recommend it because they are awful reviewers and aren't funny in the slightest...

Okay, so the interface isn't perfectly streamlined, but the gameplay is fun as hell!

viscountesslafiel:

odisious15:
Well watching that saved me from buying a PS3 for the sole purpose of playing Valkryia Chronicles. Guess I'll stick to my PC for gaming and hope we get more JRPG's withing the next decade or two.
As for the review hilarious as always.

You're incredibly stupid if you think Yatzees opinion means much, especially when he reviews a genre he hates.

Well seeing as how I have agreed with quite a few of his past reviews; I'd have to say his opinions do carry some merit; on the other hand there are some games I own (and love) that he ripped to shreds in past reviews (FEAR2, The Witcher, etc.). Also as someone who is not a huge fan of JRPG's to begin with, having someone with a similar viewpoint review a game can be a good thing.

Insulting someone who obviously took the review with a grain of salt is quite petty.

Max-Vader:

Pallindromemordnillap:

I get the feeling he didn't even give Valkyria Chronicles a chance although it' very unique because of his... let's say "prejudices" against it.

He only has a week to play the games he's reviewing. And I doubt he gets every single hour of every single day to play the games he's reviewing. So with RPGs, games which take time and patience, of course he's not going to get all the way

You're right, but... he just had to play it for about an hour and could have made more accurate points. Hell, he could have looked at the plot summary at Wikipedia. That would take him five minutes and even an review based on that alone would be more precise, but I guess he ignored that in favor of more humorous generalisations about it. It's his style to overreact so it's more funny, but at some points he was either completly clueless or lying (for example, the upgradesystem and "micromanagement").

Correction: You could have played it for an hour and got more accurate points. You don't really have any idea of how far Yahtzee would have gotten in an hour, nor of how much he could have gleaned from cutscenes he clearly did not like and wouldn't have given his undivided attention (then again, he could have given his undivided attention to them. I don't know what he did either, and I don't pretend to.)

His reviews tend to be about his experience playing the game. Looking up the summary on wikipedia doesn't give you any experience with the game. The only review I can think of where he definitely used something other than the game of the week was his Turok review.

The micromanagement could well just be a matter of opinion. You could be used to such things, and he is not. Like desensitisation.

I was hoping he'd reference that aika and vyse from skies of arcadia were in the game.

X-COM

Yahtzee, please play the original. I wish I had the cash to sponsor your review of this game. It has minor interface issues that stem from the time that it was made. Regardless, it stands out as a work of inspired genius.

I know from playing Art of Theft that you have something to say about game design. You are missing some perspective if you haven't played this one.

An X-COM would be nice. Hopefully the first, as the unpatched version of the second one could not be completed (though it was fun).

Also, compassion is overrated.

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