Zero Punctuation: Velvet Assassin

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How are all those posts at the start worth a probation?

YoungZer0:

Jay Cee:
The very fact that this was developed by South peak was a terrible indication.
This was getting bad scores from even the most positive of reviewers, so I could tell hilarity was coming when the most pessimistic of them all had a stab and the crappy game.

Yahtzee forever

Nice try but it wasn't developed by South Peak.

Anyway, the german government has nothing against people mentioning Nazi. In fact it's the complete opposite. The only thing the german government is careful with is the use of the Swastika. They only allowed to be used in documentary or stuff that is against nazi bullshit, like American History X. They usually censor/change the emblem if it's featured in videogames.

Oh I'm sorry I invaded your pedantic laws.
And I pretty sure I said nothing about the Germans, unless that was out of context...

Now all we need is a cold war game made by russia.

What is this community service?

Thank you, I haven't laughed that hard in a while.

Anoos:
How are all those posts at the start worth a probation?

Unless you can watch a four minute video in thirty seconds, the first posts amount to nothing but "Goody, new video!"

Pi_Fighter:
Actually, when he said the plot was similar to Hitman: Blood Money he meant Hitman: Contracts.

But I'll forgive that little faux pas.

Ach! Du hast mich geNinja'd Escaspister Schwein!

I personally would like to see a British-developed WWII game, if we must have any more of the damn things, where the British Army is depicted to hold more than Cockneys who use the the word 'bloody' in every sentence, red-haired Glaswegians who have nothing better to say than 'aye', and jolly old Captain Price types of the 55th Generic Officer Regiment. If we're going to continue running WWII titles into the ground let's have some diversity!

I read somewhere that Velvet Assassin had little clues that linked in to the real world. Read it in PCGamer (UK) something about some guys finding a stash of money and some gold bars which they were then allowed to keep! Uh yeah here's one story: http://www.planetxbox360.com/article_4417/Viral_Marketing_-_More_Velvet_Assassin_Gold_Found_in_UK

Funny neither the wiki page or Yahtzee mentions it

All the Nazi killing in games lately is starting to drive me mad.

I laughed out loud, very loud when I heard the last bit Yahtzee said "What is this, community service?". LOL! Very funny episode :) (makes up for me looking up that baby syndrome he mentioned in the "credits" in the previous Valkyria one, ...uff still got nightmares)

Good video, i have to say that i was never under the impression that Velvet Assassin would be a second rate version of both Hitman and Thief, and i was proved correct, which continues to show that people in the games industry are refusing to come up with new ideas and instead are using recycled mechanics from old games, though i am looking forward to what, if Yahtzee does review it, Yahtzee has to say about Prototype

Keep up the good work, Yahtzee!

don't want you to get too big a head, but that is a funny review.

Programmed_For_Damage:
It seems Yahtzee has some psuedo-Freudian obsession with cocks and dildos as his last several reviews have contained them in some form.

Sure, you could analyze his apparent obsession using a pseudo-Freudian method, but I don't know how someone can have a pseudo-Freudian obsession.

great review, really funny.

Lol, community service
That review was funny, good job Yahtzee

cutechao999:
Now all we need is a cold war game made by russia.

We've got one. It's called Hammer&Sickle, developed by Nival Interactive. It's pretty good.

In other news I'm surprised that Yahtzee didn't mention that all the game's enemies look like Nazi Vampires. Take a look: http://tinyurl.com/ob4mqh

Dragonblade146:
What is this community service?
*ROFL*
That was the best ending yet...

THAT WAS HILARIOUS I rofl'd lol.

Really good , I love the community service joke. Also can somebody please tell me the name of the song in the t-shirt commercial.

to be honest i liked velvet assassin. it's a pretty game if nothing else. The stealth aspect was badly done and the enemies were all psychic. But the premise and storyline were both really good.

Also, "what is this community service?" LOL.

Jay Cee:

YoungZer0:

Jay Cee:
The very fact that this was developed by South peak was a terrible indication.
This was getting bad scores from even the most positive of reviewers, so I could tell hilarity was coming when the most pessimistic of them all had a stab and the crappy game.

Yahtzee forever

Nice try but it wasn't developed by South Peak.

Anyway, the german government has nothing against people mentioning Nazi. In fact it's the complete opposite. The only thing the german government is careful with is the use of the Swastika. They only allowed to be used in documentary or stuff that is against nazi bullshit, like American History X. They usually censor/change the emblem if it's featured in videogames.

Oh I'm sorry I invaded your pedantic laws.
And I pretty sure I said nothing about the Germans, unless that was out of context...

That was a comment to Yahtzees Video.

that quite frankly was the best ending in the history of ZP!!!

lol yup!

damn quotes not working

That final comment was brilliant. I can't wait to see Italy step up to the plate with their interpretation of WWII.

meh, yeah, that was funny. I wonder if assassins creed is really that bad tho? I havn't played it, and i'm all for naked chix sneakin about with knives...y'know, as long as i'm not her target and all...
And geez, what is with all you people throwin in yer 'everyone should know, but nobody cares' facts? oh, south peak made this, oh, you CAN say nazi in germany. I mean seriously? Who cares if it's tru or not, it was funny when he said it while showing a guy gettin toasted. THAT IS ALL. Keep yer funfacts to yerself for once...
Donut Lie Kit?
Eye Donut Kair.

thanks, but then i ch

lacktheknack:

gillrobin:
but yahtzee... i thought Hitler was right?

and wats with all the people on prohibation

1. In the same video, at the end credits, he wrote "definitely doesn't think Hitler was right".

2. If you post before watching, you get put on probation. Check the times between the OP and their posts.

Thx for 2.

but i choose to believe that "I thought Hitler was right" was a reply to an email i sent him a couple of days before the video...

rofl "what is this? community service?" I laughed so hard at that

I am german and the last part was damn funny :D

Btw, i played the game and its not to bad, I thought it was a complete rip off from Metal gear solid more then one from hitman.

The game is good. Yahsdlte is not.

WTF!! I've become another of those poor bastards that can't seem to get a fucking Escapist video to show. Fucking great!!!

eyedonutkair:
meh, yeah, that was funny. I wonder if assassins creed is really that bad tho? I havn't played it, and i'm all for naked chix sneakin about with knives...y'know, as long as i'm not her target and all...
And geez, what is with all you people throwin in yer 'everyone should know, but nobody cares' facts? oh, south peak made this, oh, you CAN say nazi in germany. I mean seriously? Who cares if it's tru or not, it was funny when he said it while showing a guy gettin toasted. THAT IS ALL. Keep yer funfacts to yerself for once...
Donut Lie Kit?
Eye Donut Kair.

Stop butchering the English language, for the LOVE OF JEHOVAH.

"Donut Lie Kit?" and "Eye Donut Kair"?

Please, please, learn how to speak English.

On a side note, it was quite a good review, but I have to say, theres a lot of WW2 games popping up slaughtering the Nazi's recently...

Ah yes, funny as always Yathzee.
Loved the ending, but the text at the end was funny too.
"Still, even if he did only have one ball it must havbe been pretty
F***ing big to go outside with that moustache" lol.
good review aswell, Im going to avoid this game like the plauge now.

The ending made the entire review. I really laughed out loud ater that one. I completley missed the Hitler reference in the text though until I read the comments.

Thanks for that Yahtzee. I'd thought you'd lost your touch after some recent reviews but I was so wrong. I laughed out loud several times and especially at the baby face one.

Squiggers:

eyedonutkair:
meh, yeah, that was funny. I wonder if assassins creed is really that bad tho? I havn't played it, and i'm all for naked chix sneakin about with knives...y'know, as long as i'm not her target and all...
And geez, what is with all you people throwin in yer 'everyone should know, but nobody cares' facts? oh, south peak made this, oh, you CAN say nazi in germany. I mean seriously? Who cares if it's tru or not, it was funny when he said it while showing a guy gettin toasted. THAT IS ALL. Keep yer funfacts to yerself for once...
Donut Lie Kit?
Eye Donut Kair.

Stop butchering the English language, for the LOVE OF JEHOVAH.

"Donut Lie Kit?" and "Eye Donut Kair"?

Please, please, learn how to speak English.

On a side note, it was quite a good review, but I have to say, theres a lot of WW2 games popping up slaughtering the Nazi's recently...

keese mai R-se, Ray Jing Flay Ming Moe Hoe:)
Maybe you should take your love of jehova and shove it in yer squigger.
Also, you squat when you pee, and you're a guy.
The Raspberry is implied.

hitler's doom fortress LOL

and german solider skinned a baby and jerkoff with it

those are some great lines

I... I feel so unobservant, but I JUST NOW got what I can only assume to be a Bioshock reference. Not that I go back through the archives and watch old ZP episodes over and over randomly for no apparent reason.

Though in my defense, I hadn't played Bioshock the first time I watched the reviews. That's my defense and I'm sticking to it.

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