Zero Punctuation: Dragon Age: Origins

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Well a good review all around, however it does feel like Yahtzee is unnecisaraly deamonizing a game that really knows it's place in the world and stays there. And on a side note: HEY IM A DND NERD DATING A GOTH GIRL! AND IM PROUD.

I was looking forward to this >.>

Funny it didn't mention the stupid-looking blood-pool effect, though. All the other gore elements look fine but that one looks like it was pinched from the 90's.

Still yeah that aside, 'seems my opinions are largely shared.

I honestly can't belive that people wasted time and effort, makeing a game for this egoistical-no talent-stuck up his ass-dick cheese. Are you people THAT retarded and brain dead? The last thing Yahtzee needs is more ego boosting and dick sucking. Ya know, while we're at it, why don't you make a bloody relegion for this no talent hack, or even better yet make a motherfucking shrine for him, you pathetic sheep.

I honestly can't belive that people wasted time and effort, criticising people for making a game for this British person; Are you THAT retarded and brain dead?

The last thing people need is more ego bruising and flaming.

You know, while we're at it, why don't you make a bloody relegion for getting pissy at no talent hacks, or even better yet make a motherfucking shrine that people can drag critics to so they can sodomize them with knives.

You Sir. are the pathetic sheep and if you don't like people enjoying something, you should leave them jolly well to themselves instead of PMS'ing at them.

I for one find his vulgarity cute.

Actually Yahtzee's reviews are getting dull

You know, it's true it's been a while since on of them had me in stitches.. still they're enjoyable still.

dekuben:
I honestly can't belive that people wasted time and effort, criticising people for making a game for this British person; Are you THAT retarded and brain dead?

The last thing people need is more ego bruising and flaming.

You know, while we're at it, why don't you make a bloody relegion for getting pissy at no talent hacks, or even better yet make a motherfucking shrine that people can drag critics to so they can sodomize them with knives.

You Sir. are the pathetic sheep and if you don't like people enjoying something, you should leave them jolly well to themselves instead of PMS'ing at them.

I for one find his vulgarity cute.

Awww...Aren't you a cute little sheepy. Well go on back to your flock and bleed along with the other sheep, while Yahztee waves his stick for you sorry twats.
image

Kanashe:
~snip~

Pot to kettle- "you are black".

If you don't like the show then by all means don't watch it, on the internet views (or lack thereof) speak louder than words, so it would be more effective than your poorly spelt rant.

Kanashe:

While Yahztee waves his stick for you sorry twats.

It's not just any old stick; it's actually his big black pseudo-Australian Wiimote and if you saw the size of it, you'd understand why he puts whiggers like me and you to shame D:

dekuben:

Kanashe:

While Yahztee waves his stick for you sorry twats.

It's not just any old stick; it's actually his big black pseudo-Australian Wiimote and if you saw the size of it, you'd understand why he puts whiggers like me and you to shame D:

The day I'll be shamed of this jackhole is the day when Nintendo makes a game that's worth a shit an Paris Hilton grows a brain.

Right, so basically, the biggest fault that Yahtzee can find with Dragon Age is that it's a fantasy role playing game.. Great deduction skills, sherlock - that's like saying "yea monkey islands are ok games but they suck because they're adventure games". There's 6 minutes of my life I'm not getting back - I hate it when reviewers start trashing things just for the sake of trashing. If he was someone who doesn't know just how much time and effort goes into making a game like this, I wouldn't even say anything. But he does, and despite Bioware really did good with this game, going out of their way to make it big, interesting, and complete (in a world where it's normal to pay 50€ for a buggy half finished game that you can complete in 3 hours flat), he still finds he has to find a fault, even if it's not a legitimate one. The comment about having sex with a girl instead can really be applied to just about any game - it was sadly stereotypical, and a very poor attempt at humor. But I shouldn't be surprised, since after his "washington road trip" video, it's become apparent that his target audience are people in their young teens who still find comparing monuments to genitals funny.

I enjoyed this game, and the review. I liked how the elves were second class citizens, usually they are all high and mighty, mysterious etc etc

edit:nm

newman:
Right, so basically, the biggest fault that Yahtzee can find with Dragon Age is that it's a fantasy role playing game.. Great deduction skills, sherlock - that's like saying "yea monkey islands are ok games but they suck because they're adventure games".

Failed analogy. Yahtzee's objection was that it's UNORIGINAL fantasy and RPGs don't have to be so; look at Arcanum or Avernum.

And if you hadn't failed listening skills, you'd notice that Yahtzee liked the game and recomended it to people who won't be too bothered by the unoriginal fantasy setting. This is where the viewer decides whether this applies to themselves.

newman:
Right, so basically, the biggest fault that Yahtzee can find with Dragon Age is that it's a fantasy role playing game.. Great deduction skills, sherlock - that's like saying "yea monkey islands are ok games but they suck because they're adventure games". There's 6 minutes of my life I'm not getting back - I hate it when reviewers start trashing things just for the sake of trashing. If he was someone who doesn't know just how much time and effort goes into making a game like this, I wouldn't even say anything. But he does, and despite Bioware really did good with this game, going out of their way to make it big, interesting, and complete (in a world where it's normal to pay 50€ for a buggy half finished game that you can complete in 3 hours flat), he still finds he has to find a fault, even if it's not a legitimate one. The comment about having sex with a girl instead can really be applied to just about any game - it was sadly stereotypical, and a very poor attempt at humor. But I shouldn't be surprised, since after his "washington road trip" video, it's become apparent that his target audience are people in their young teens who still find comparing monuments to genitals funny.

Dude, I love you SO fucking much

So the game is re-hased cliche then.

devilhunterx:
So the game is re-hased cliche then.

It's really not. Yes, it sticks to certain well established rules of the genre, but that's not necessarily a bad thing, especially when done this well. To be honest, Yahtzee was always more concerned about sounding cool and funny then delivering a realistic breakdown of a game's faults and strengths - he can sometimes throw in an amusing comparison, but for a serious review, well, keep looking. It would be a shame to miss a really well done game because someone thought he was being funny - don't take ZP too seriously.

watermelons are berries, not fruits.

I had to finally come on and share my experiences.

I like Dragon Age, Bioware did a amazing job as usual but they glitched big time!
I played through about 45 hours of my first playthrough(Human Beserker warrior) and then I played through again because I got the game guide and I wanted to be a female elven ranger. I dreamed of being a forest warrior that could summon beasts to the fight and master dual swords.

However unlike most specialations you have to buy the book for it instead of learning it from a npc. The book is only at one Vendor and once its gone its gone. I worked, scraped and grinded the first 10 hours to get enough money to buy it. Had to sell most everything and I was broke afterward, it was 15 gold pieces, 150,000$ broken down. I bought it right before leveling to level 8, and it wouldnt unlock.

25 or so hours in I learn the bard specialtion from a npc and its unlocked instantly. I even load the game back at 10 hours and the bard special is still unlocked but not Ranger. Now I have to scrap 25 hours of gameplay, and scrape together all that money again and pray and hope it unlocks the NEXT time!

Screwed out of 25 hours of real time and $150,000 virtual money, not chump change. Hell 25 hours is as long as the first Mass Effect(including "Bringing down the sky") I wasted the entire length of Mass Effect on something I cant have!

Never have I been so made at a video game in all my life, and its one I like no less! Felt like Yahtzee ready to throw my controler across the room into the tv.

If this glitch can be fixed please let me know if not... Bioware is going to get a steaming letter.

I'll grant you, most of your points on this game are pretty valid. But I just have to ask you something Yahtzee: what the fuck do you have against a game having replay value?

its interesting and its fun as hell to piss off every one you talk to, he has some valid points to it and they are true but its enjoyable still

also i'm supriced he knows what otherkins are...my ex was one....if only i didn't save her life -_-*

Don't know what he's getting at talking about "a bunch of people that all look the same." I haven't encountered 2 NPCs that look identical in the entire game. That kind of thing happened in KOTOR2, not in 2009.

lol french revolution joke

Kanashe:

dekuben:

Kanashe:

While Yahztee waves his stick for you sorry twats.

It's not just any old stick; it's actually his big black pseudo-Australian Wiimote and if you saw the size of it, you'd understand why he puts whiggers like me and you to shame D:

The day I'll be shamed of this jackhole is the day when Nintendo makes a game that's worth a shit an Paris Hilton grows a brain.

Well look at you Mr Silly Bear, Yahtzee is funny and that's why people like him, I'm now assuming you like Halo and Gears because fans of those games know nothing about gaming and even people without a brain such as Ms Hilton know that Nintendo themselves make amazing games and that Halo in particular is extraordinarily meh. So either you're a no brained sheep for following Halo fans and baseless Nintendo haters orrrrrrrrrrr you were offended that Yahtzee liked Dragon Age and poked fun at its clichés, either way it's stupid.

Primus1985:
I had to finally come on and share my experiences.

I like Dragon Age, Bioware did a amazing job as usual but they glitched big time!
I played through about 45 hours of my first playthrough(Human Beserker warrior) and then I played through again because I got the game guide and I wanted to be a female elven ranger. I dreamed of being a forest warrior that could summon beasts to the fight and master dual swords.

However unlike most specialations you have to buy the book for it instead of learning it from a npc. The book is only at one Vendor and once its gone its gone. I worked, scraped and grinded the first 10 hours to get enough money to buy it. Had to sell most everything and I was broke afterward, it was 15 gold pieces, 150,000$ broken down. I bought it right before leveling to level 8, and it wouldnt unlock.

25 or so hours in I learn the bard specialtion from a npc and its unlocked instantly. I even load the game back at 10 hours and the bard special is still unlocked but not Ranger. Now I have to scrap 25 hours of gameplay, and scrape together all that money again and pray and hope it unlocks the NEXT time!

Screwed out of 25 hours of real time and $150,000 virtual money, not chump change. Hell 25 hours is as long as the first Mass Effect(including "Bringing down the sky") I wasted the entire length of Mass Effect on something I cant have!

Never have I been so made at a video game in all my life, and its one I like no less! Felt like Yahtzee ready to throw my controler across the room into the tv.

If this glitch can be fixed please let me know if not... Bioware is going to get a steaming letter.

That's not even bad compared to som glitches in this game, I think all the common complaints are on the DA wikia, I for one have been put off Bioware thanks to this title

I laughed all through this. And I love this game. Menstruating leopards indeed!

Veldt Falsetto:

Kanashe:

dekuben:

Kanashe:

While Yahztee waves his stick for you sorry twats.

It's not just any old stick; it's actually his big black pseudo-Australian Wiimote and if you saw the size of it, you'd understand why he puts whiggers like me and you to shame D:

The day I'll be shamed of this jackhole is the day when Nintendo makes a game that's worth a shit an Paris Hilton grows a brain.

Well look at you Mr Silly Bear, Yahtzee is funny and that's why people like him, I'm now assuming you like Halo and Gears because fans of those games know nothing about gaming and even people without a brain such as Ms Hilton know that Nintendo themselves make amazing games and that Halo in particular is extraordinarily meh. So either you're a no brained sheep for following Halo fans and baseless Nintendo haters orrrrrrrrrrr you were offended that Yahtzee liked Dragon Age and poked fun at its clichés, either way it's stupid.

Awwww....Aren't you a cute Nintendo doggy and Yahtzee sheepy. Yahtzee being funny? Give me a fucking break, oh I'm suuuuree dick/sex/racist/gay jokes are the hight of comedy, if your fuckin' 10 years old and have a brain of a gold fish. An honestly, this is the best ya could do? Just 'cause I think Yahtzee and Nintendo suck as much as the people who actually like 'em, you belive I enjoy shit like Halo or GoW? Wow, you sir are nine different flavours of fail, but why should I be suprised? All you Nintendo dogs or even Yahtzee sheep are made of fail. An yeah, Nintendo can go an fuck 'em selfes, makeing great games my ass, thoes guys can't do jack shit.

Kanashe:

Veldt Falsetto:

Kanashe:

dekuben:

Kanashe:

While Yahztee waves his stick for you sorry twats.

It's not just any old stick; it's actually his big black pseudo-Australian Wiimote and if you saw the size of it, you'd understand why he puts whiggers like me and you to shame D:

The day I'll be shamed of this jackhole is the day when Nintendo makes a game that's worth a shit an Paris Hilton grows a brain.

Well look at you Mr Silly Bear, Yahtzee is funny and that's why people like him, I'm now assuming you like Halo and Gears because fans of those games know nothing about gaming and even people without a brain such as Ms Hilton know that Nintendo themselves make amazing games and that Halo in particular is extraordinarily meh. So either you're a no brained sheep for following Halo fans and baseless Nintendo haters orrrrrrrrrrr you were offended that Yahtzee liked Dragon Age and poked fun at its clichés, either way it's stupid.

Awwww....Aren't you a cute Nintendo doggy and Yahtzee sheepy. Yahtzee being funny? Give me a fucking break, oh I'm suuuuree dick/sex/racist/gay jokes are the hight of comedy, if your fuckin' 10 years old and have a brain of a gold fish. An honestly, this is the best ya could do? Just 'cause I think Yahtzee and Nintendo suck as much as the people who actually like 'em, you belive I enjoy shit like Halo or GoW? Wow, you sir are nine different flavours of fail, but why should I be suprised? All you Nintendo dogs or even Yahtzee sheep are made of fail. An yeah, Nintendo can go an fuck 'em selfes, makeing great games my ass, thoes guys can't do jack shit.

So you call out Yahtzee as being a vulgar one trick pony, and then type out a bunch of cuss words, spout unfounded hatred, and use overused unfunny internet phrases like "fail"? Way to go! You tell em, brutha! You are so very enlightened and charismatic compared to these ignorant sheeple! Err...quick question, but when did people start making games specifically for Yahtzee to critisize? Despite obviously being opposed to Yahtzee, why ever so productively spend your valuable time on these forums complaining about him?

Personally, I think it's cuter how the people who supposedly hate and express their disgust of Yahtzee still watch his reviews anyway. And then complain about it in the comments section. And then do the same thing again next week. Kind of like the people who boycott Modern Warfare 2 and ended up buying it regardless. Even cuter how these people call others "blind" end up horribly misinterpreting Yahtzee's reviews and why he always nitpicks and accentuates the negative.(as stated for the kajillionth time, watch the Bioshock review) Like for example, this one here. Since the slower, more impatient people want the short version, yeah he liked this game.

What exact brand of cocaine are you huffing, Yahtzee? May need to order a recall.

The combat is fuck-nothing like Mass Effect, the combat in this game is the trite awful manure that has plagued RPGs since they decided the third person perspective allowed for so many possibilities. The primary one having horrible non-interactive combat where I swing my sword and some variable system(let's just say D&D dice) decides if it matters for shit.

This is the entire combat system, and worse, it's so floaty and disconnected seeing as how every environment is filled with invisible walls that no amount of strategy matters, just using the right abilities, which you of course queue up while you pop off a load, because it requires such dedication to do.

The combat here is from 1998, and it's just as stupid, grating, immersion-wrecking, and piss poor as it was over ten years ago, you were right about one thing, most fantasy RPGs strive for the generic, but in all things, combat included.

Everyone enjoys seeing Jessica Alba in that position!

I was an elf too playing and got the same "Hello you are an elf" and I played as a mage so I got some dialog"Hello you are an Elf, ack and a mage please dont turn me into a frog!" which I found humorous.

Hallow'sEve:
But I'm guessing, from Yahtzee and my friends, that they do it so well that it's still engrossing and enjoyable as if it was something brand new.
(I'm still gonna rent it first though)

finally, some one who understands about yahzee's method of review, there are always things to complain about be it the lack of originality of it or that it's just pants on head retarded. But whether its a good game or not is a different point, I may be wrong in assuming this about yatz' but some one who would have played it for 25 hours with out trying to shove the controller through the screen, would usually still be there because it's enjoyable...

besides he doesn't really have chance to admit a liking for the games because of his fearsome reputation for defiling them, but in some he does suggest.

I guess there are still people who still don't realize that Yahtzee shares a lot in common with Simon Cowell; British,sexually ambivalent, and paid to rip something apart, which in Yahtzee's case is games. The whole point is that he's supposed to criticize a game in the most creative way possible while throwing in a dick reference or two. People affected by Yahtzee's negative criticism are like Christian fundies who get angry at the scientists for coming up with theories far more plausible than "invisible man makes universe, worship him."

Now if you're offended by his alleged lack of talent, then what the fuck are you doing here, then? Pissed off that Yahtzee gets paid to troll gamers while you have to hold a regular job like the rest of the world? If you don't like it, avoid it. That's why I don't watch most of the tripe on The Escapist.

Hey! Where can I play any of those Games ...no not Dragon-Age, I've already played that ^-^
I'm talking about those Games he ...oh, Nevermind! Here's the Link =P : http://www.escapistmagazine.com/games/stonking_great/

I personally have dumped well over 40 hours into the game, and there still is no end in sight. Dragon Age is a game which neither wants to end, nor is it balanced well. before i installed any of the DLC, the enemies were able to remove my entire party's kneecaps, while bosses simply oneshotted Allistair through the heaviest armor i had obtained upto that point. upon installing the DLC, the game becomes a triviality, with problems only occuring when the dragons, ogres, and bosses use their "fuck you up the ass with a chainsaw" moves. the gap between normal and easy difficulty is a trench a thousand miles across.

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