Zero Punctuation: Final Fantasy XIII

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Commissar Fuklaw:

Brad Shepard:

Commissar Fuklaw:

Did he say he loved FF6, yet shown a image of FF 3? or did i miss something? xD

Yes, you missed the notice that everyone who posts "XD" or it's variations are faggots.

well, someones grumpy arnt they?

So much heresy, so little time.

you know what, i saw your other post, im not even going to give a troll like you the time of day. reported and moving on.

Did he say he loved FF6, yet shown a image of FF 3? or did i miss something? xD

Everywhere else than Japan(I think) FF6 was FF3 and FF4 was FF2. FF2, 3 and 5 didn't get released anywhere else.

OT: I knew this game sucked. FF games have always sucked after 9, with the exception of 8, because that game was awful. Good review, Yahtzee.

Yeah I honestly didn't believe he would play FFXIII, much less 5 hours. Yahtzee is a trooper.

Let's face it, noone actually expected him to play up to chapter 11, did they...

I hoped he would. I'm sure he knew its a long game before it started it. If he doesn't have the time to play it for a proper review then why bother? All he's doing is jerking off the anti-Final fantasy crowd.

I didn't see that coming. not the fact that he thought it was bad but the fact that he ever reviewedit at all. we had a discussion about this awhile back and we all thought he wasn't gonna review it.

Did he say he loved FF6, yet shown a image of FF 3? or did i miss something? xD

FF6 - was originally released as FF3 in the US for the SNES; the original 2, 3, & 5 were initially not released in the US. They were later released after initial releases were getting recycled.

OKAY, SO. The chocobo in Sazh's afro. Can we all agree to start calling it "frocobo"? Yes?

No, it's the Chocofro.

He hated the game?



But no, seriously. As much as I usually pan Yahtzee for speaking crap, he shares much of the same opinion I do on the FF games: First few were good. Middle few were pants. Current few are bollocks.

Well, did you expect him to like it? :)

This was my least favourite and probably the only yahtzee review I didnt like at all. Since the bioshock review all those reviews ago I have been an avid yahtzee fan and have watched his reviews every weeks since then without fail.

But all the recent hate on ff13 has pissed me off. To all the people who say it doesnt get "good" until 20+ hours in. Im gonna flat out say fuck the hell right off.

So what you have to be able to select what members and do a little free roaming for the game to be considered good. You have to have towns with shops in the traditional ff sense. Well bollocks. Does it just escape everyone that the reason its like that is because all the characters are on the run, its part of the fucking story. Just enjoy the game for what it is rather than despising it for not being what you want it to be.

And im calling yahtzee out on this one. Five hours of this game does not do it justice at all. You obviously went into this game expecting to hate it as we all knew you would.

I approve this review!

Looks like my fears on 13 are founded. But I've wasted my life away on WoW so I suppose I can tolerate Final Fantasy Seven-2 13 well enough.

Nice. I guess hoping you might like THIS one was very silly of us.

very silly of you. Besides he's 100% right.


OKAY, SO. The chocobo in Sazh's afro. Can we all agree to start calling it "frocobo"? Yes?

No, it's the Chocofro.

Haha, yeah, I thought of that one too, although it seems like a more appropriate name for Sazh's fro. The frocobo lives in the chocofro.

it was innevitable: typical complaints that dont make any sense:

- all the characters look weird
- strange names
- its turn-based
- its not brown
- I only played for a little bit because I want everything handed to me right at the start

I understand people not liking the game, its below average on the FF scale for me, but these complaints I could see a mile off, just because of the genre

i quit after 10 hours....the greatest disappointment of 2010...can i have my money back? i know the know the answer so dont mention it

Sigh, ditto, and I love Final Fantasy too...

XIII was such a fucking letdown that I can't bring myself to play any more, for once I actually find myself agreeing with Yahtzee, I hate the characters with a passion, the plot makes no sense and it's all just spectacle...The linearity in this instalment kills me too.
At least in prior games I had the feeling of a fairly large, open world from the word go, but eh...

Actually, that sums up my thoughts on the game pretty well. 'Eh...'

I just don't know where the magic went, FFXIII used to have likeable characters and an engrossing story, apparently that went out the window in favour of making it look pretty.

personally i think he should have waited for the DLC to come out b4 he played it. he still would have hated it though and i hope i will like the game but i have to finish ff 8-12 b4 i play it (by the way there is no fucking way i'm playing ff11 or chocobo chronicals. even "i" have some standard)

I gotta give the man credit for giving it a try.It turned out to be a surprisingly objective review.


I played for 30 hours, because I was really anticipating the game and oddly I enjoyed it, I intend to complete it too, someday.

But even I would be lying if I were to say that Yahtzee got most if not all points right on the money on this one.

Although I would've preferred an opinion built up on a worthwhile amount of time spent with the game.

Granted he hasn't got the time in a week for the full 50+ hour experience but somewhere between 10 and 15 hours would've been reasonable.

As for the exposition:

Nice comic, I remember that part well, but I only died once there against Superpope. Anyways, am I one of the few people that actually had the plot put together by the time you were given the ability to shift through padagrims of whatever they are called? Heck, I didnt even have to read the primers to understand it.


And no, I got it in time, like about 16 hours in I felt like I was finally up to speed. And I only found out about it being in the datalogs and game manual by the time I was 30 hours in (My internet was broken that whole week so FFXIII was all I had) Strangely 30 hours in is when the characters themselves finally start deciding what the hell they're doing. It felt liek we'd gotten through it all together.

It's still just a glaringly obvious and incredibly important detail to leave out for over half the time I'd been playing.

One of my friends asked me (after seeing that comic)
"Wow, were you not paying attention for 12 hours or something? or did it just go right over your head?"

I couldn't believe it.

In the fist 12 hours I swear to God they use the word l'Cie casually in the occasional* sentence, but not once ever care to explain in any significant way what the hell a l'Cie is.
And it's the basis for the entire story!

(OK, ok... EVERY sentence.)

After Yahtzee clearly stated that he hated the angsty and heavy-cinematic story of JRPGs and the lack of a speedy turn-based combat, I surely knew that his statement will stay the same even if he plays it for more than 5 hours.

FF13 was really a disappointment for me. I truly want Squeenix to perfect a good turn-based combat. It should be something fast, lesser cooldowns on everything (cooldowns should only exist in spells or specials than normal attacks), single-button attacks/hotkeys, but also hard to master or perfect.

Too bad such combat was not present. It was still too slow for me. And why is FF14 another MMORPG? There's also my hatred for the kooky spice(especially this) and ethnic spice. They're like the comedy relief of a very serious storyline, which never mixes together.

I just hope FF15 would be the ultimate JRPG, having fast and easy turn-based combat (NEVER auto-attack), far more explorable areas (RPGs are supposed to be for exploration), and interactive storytelling (any style in which the player is not required to read). But alas, this is highly unlikely.

I just hope the bar doesn't keep Yahtzee too busy to review future games. I was really expecting God of War 3 this week.

OKAY, SO. The chocobo in Sazh's afro. Can we all agree to start calling it "frocobo"? Yes?


On topic though this was the first fial fantasy game I actually liked.

only 5 freaking hours?

I don't mind if you rip the game into pieces but at least try go through with it. Otherwise don't even bother.

This week espisode is completely pointless

i'm an ff fanboy but i don't believe tesuya nomura shit is gold and smells like cinamon sunshine and rainbows.

Like Dragon age FF13 is a more simple than it should be action game disguised as a AAA RPG............

Vorpal Chill:

Yeah, I thought Final Fantasy VI was the peak of the series too.


FF9 was the best mechanic wise FF6 story wise.

I enjoyed FF9, but that was the last one I could possibility play. FF10 was where I drew the line.

I truly enjoyed FFXIII. Good fun. mainly because my girlfriend bought it for me. Guess that says alot about the game mind.

I laughed at the review but, as people are probably posting right now as I type this, the time cards really broke up the build and flow of the review with complete dead space. If the dead space was intentional, I fail to see its effective use.

As has been said a hundred times before: I liked the credits animation.

sent it to my mate in the hope that he'll realise he's wasting his life and could be putting his wrists to better use
good luck with barness (Y)

Yahtzee hating a JRPG? I am surprise!!

in all seriousness I really like the game, because the story has actually engaged my (HELL of a lot more than I can say about 7, 8, 10 or to a lesser extent 12) and the combat is awesome.



Well theres bits i do agree with and bits i dont agree with.
And i hardly call it a fair review of playing 5 hours of it. (Yes he was busy and all that blah i know ¬¬)

I mean if they guy can play through Heavy Rain then he should pull up his big boy trousers and stop whining about the old days! Its modern day, things need to change and hey at least Square have tried!.........though they have lost their way when they merged with Enix.

Dude.. Enix is like the best company, mainly for their Star Ocean games, and I like the combo, you know, X-2 and shit. EH.

Meh if you like those games, thats fine with me.
Just merely pointing out how the level of awesome dropped when that merge happened. Think about it ;)

In terms of FF, yeah maybe, but in general older games tend to be better than new ones. Also there were alot more FFs before the merge than after.

But still, FFVIII is one of the best, so your right in that respect lol

I have to agree with Yahtzee on this. I finished the game, but the first 30 hours are painful. The only thing that kept me going was the the fact that if I stopped I'd feel like a quitter. The story is mediocre (the beginning is awful), the characters have no depth, the villians (other than the MAIN MAIN villian) can hardly be considered villians, the combat is fun but the party AI is awful. All in all this game was a massive disappointment, it was a series of linear corridors that only serve as going from point A to point B for a cutscene every 5 minutes.

Returned it the day after I beat it. It's mediocre at best. Which is a shame because I expected them to make a quality game after it looked so good. Serves me right after thinking Uncharted 2 would be great and turned out to be mediocre as well. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame one me.

Although I like the game I do have to agree about one thing, the footsteps really are very loud!

By the way, can you find me one video game with female characters about which there ISN'T erotic fanart floating around?

Weak Yahtzee, weak. I agree the first five hours were poorly paced and very little of the story was immediately apparent; however many of the plot-holes you're having a cry about are filled later on through means of flashbacks to the lead up of where you take control of the characters. To say other crap like character development is poor and combat feels hollow, is kind of redundant when you've played such a small fraction of the game. Your complaints are like a man who walks out at the beginning of star wars complaining about having to read all the flying words and claiming no emotional connection to the characters in aforementioned flying dialogue.
I'm sure there was some other shit in your video but true to your style Ben I can't be bothered reviewing the whole thing. I look forward to your reviews of the first 13 minutes of Harry Potter Lego and the first 23 seconds of Iron man 2 'the video-game'.
Try and actually commit yourself to a project this week instead of just having a cry that the plot doesn't resolve itself in the first 8th of the game.

I really expected some jokes about how when the game came out in Japan it was named, "The First Great PS3 Tunnel Simulator", by people who actually sat through the whole thing. The lack of exploration was mentioned and all, but I guess it really doesn't sink in a ton from just 5 hours (no idea how few minutes of actual gameplay that would be myself).

I only made it to the second boss before giving up on the game. I really wish Square would play through their single digit games and try to incorporate the best qualities of those again.
...or make another Chrono game...please

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