Zero Punctuation: The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings

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The two-swords part is enough to make me never play this game.

Very accurate portrayal on how PC Gamers see themselves while making it clear how other people see them.

The rest of the review was also pretty good, and seems oddly consistent with many other reviews.

And since this is the Escapist, where the community sees this as the second coming of Jesus, I'm gonna keep my eye on this thread for lulzy hate comments. I've already seen quite a few.

Jandau:
Worst ZP in a while. Can essentially be summed up as "I think PC gamers suck and I don't posses basic cognitive functions or an atention span longer than 5 seconds". I know ZP isn't supposed to be taken seriously, but this one just rubbed me the wrong way...

Umm.. not really. It was more about making fun of the PC gaming elitist snobs who think that PC gaming is gods gift to everyone and that anyone who doesn't agree is half of a halfwit. Being a blatant PC gaming fanboy is no better than being a Sony/MS/Nintedi/etc. fanboy and all deserve equal helpings of insults. It just so happens that the PC gaming fanboy is much more common now a days than the console fanboy, at least around these parts.

Racecarlock:

Again with the "PCs are better because the graphics are better" crap? I would think that PC gamers aren't that concerned with graphics, but I guess that you specifically are. In that case I reccomend you play "Google streetview". It has the most realistic graphics ever. Seriously, it looks just like real life.

I was just responding to someone's comment on PC graphic. Of cause PC games excel at every aspect of a game, but it would sound a bit strange if someone said PC games graphics require a monster pc and my respond was "well controls are better so that invalids your argument".

Also is it just me or aren't you a little protective like your trying to say "graphic doesn't matter, controls doesn't matter, all that matters is I can pay more money for my games and I can't use mods/add-ons."

This review is to be expected. Whenever a game doesn't hold you hand, seduce you with its charm, and sleep with you in five minutes, it's too difficult for Yahtzee's game. Similar to how he was crying over Demon's Souls. Whatever, though. Not too surprised, nor do I care much. His reviews aim to entertain (Which they do), but I rarely base a purchase decision on his reviews.

Jandau:
Worst ZP in a while. Can essentially be summed up as "I think PC gamers suck and I don't posses basic cognitive functions or an atention span longer than 5 seconds". I know ZP isn't supposed to be taken seriously, but this one just rubbed me the wrong way...

He dosen't hate PC gamers. He IS one. Yahtzee said his first system was a Commodore 64. Also, when he did his Console War episode he showed the Wii, 360, and PS3 trying to get his love, and then he holds up a keyboard. He's not saying PC gamers or games are bad, but he is saying he thinks the Witcher 2 could have been better. It's not being stupid to not know how to play a game if the game dosen't tell you how to play.

Jandau:
Worst ZP in a while. Can essentially be summed up as "I think PC gamers suck and I don't posses basic cognitive functions or an atention span longer than 5 seconds". I know ZP isn't supposed to be taken seriously, but this one just rubbed me the wrong way...

I know exactly how you feel. This one rubbed me the wrong way too. Taking those totally unnecessary jabs at PC and PS3 gamers was very low even for Yahtzee.

No mentioning on the morality system and how chooses affect the story?

Was looking forward to this review,but I am quite disappointed with the result.

Yea,I was expecting a lot of bashing and the likes,but not being able to finish a damned boss fight in the first act is damn right lazy.Quitting to play the game because it is hard to check the journal for all the tutorial tips or even sliding the difficulty bar to easy to check out the whole game is just simply lame.

But enough about that.I disagree with this review and I hoped he would,for once,step on his pride and try to finish a game before writing about it.

My honest opinion is this,the Witcher 2 is a superbly gorgeous rpg game that has a few flaws(which game doesn't anyway?),very unlike any other mainstream games that have come out in the past years(DA2 is the best example here).

Jandau:
Worst ZP in a while. Can essentially be summed up as "I think PC gamers suck and I don't posses basic cognitive functions or an atention span longer than 5 seconds". I know ZP isn't supposed to be taken seriously, but this one just rubbed me the wrong way...

Umm.. not really. It was more about making fun of the PC gaming elitist snobs who think that PC gaming is gods gift to everyone and that anyone who doesn't agree is half of a halfwit. Being a blatant PC gaming fanboy is no better than being a Sony/MS/Nintendo/etc. fanboy and all deserve equal helpings of insults. It just so happens that the PC gaming fanboy is much more common now a days than the console fanboy, at least around these parts.

I dont think this actually counts as a ''review''.

It was more of a rant on PC gaming in generel...

D'oh well can't say im surprised he did not like it

Feriluce:
Lawl. That cutscene is not unskippable. Its actually quite easy to skip.

Yeah... Wouldn't this just reinforce the point that this game tells you jack all?

I liked the first one fairly well.

Danial:
God this will end well, will be full of PC nuts getting mad for no reason, Console nuts getting smug for no reason and the rest of humanity wishing people cared about actual important things with the same passion people seem to care about what platform you play use to conduct your hobby.

Fact, Neither PC gaming nor Console is better, if you genuinely believe that you are a better human being than someone who uses a differing system than you... then... wow...

Ta daaa.

We have a correct person.

The sad part is that this is how we all expected him to review it. past games have shown that yahtzee really hates a game that doesn't explain it self well.

And TW2 doesn't explain it self well at all. Frankly put a bunch of the things he complained about were actually out of the lack of familiarity of the game.

you could skip any cut scene in the game by right mouse clicking , sadly the game only tells you this with a small mouse icon that appears irregularly in the first moments of the cut scene.

as for the signs , really how hard is it to stand still after a fight and just cycle through them? Again this is lack of familiarity that kills it.

but I wonder if a tutorial would have been good. usually tutorials for rpgs are done in very artificial situations that break immersion.

It is unfortunate that he gave up because the game really does become rewarding once you grasp all it's mechanics.

but we can't fault him for it.

what we can fault yahtzee for is reviewing a sequel to a game he hated so much as to not finish it. Seriously dude don't waste your time

He didn't even finish the prologue?

My God. Someone tell this man about what a Difficulty Slider is stat!

beema:

It is of course a giant irony that he will complain about the overcomplexity in a PC game review, but then turn right around and complain about the lack of such complexity in a console game review.

That's the biggest strawman i keep hearing about negative TW2 reviews. Mere difficulty or complexity is not the issue here. TW2 is needlessly tedious When it comes to inventory management & it's combat difficult comes from things beyond your control. That's what yahtzee pointed out here.

SPOIPER ALert!
Sooo you did not even get laid, uh? You got to kill the octopuss thing to get laid. Too bad men, too bad.

Alleged_Alec:

Feriluce:
Lawl. That cutscene is not unskippable. Its actually quite easy to skip.

Yeah... Wouldn't this just reinforce the point that this game tells you jack all?

If you press any sort of button during a cut scene it says 'right click to skip' or rather shows an icon for right click and says 'skip' next to it. I don't think it requires a tutorial for skipping a cut scene.

yathzee is just not manly and strong enough to deal with a proper game.

Couldn't most of his problems be solved by reading a manual. Hasn't he complained MANY times that he does not like it when video games hold your hand? Isn't reading a 20 page manual that comes with the game a good middle ground? Or perhaps I should stop taking these "reviews" seriously?
....
....
....
I'll take the 3rd question.

He stopped playing because of the 5 minute unskippable cutscene?

The cutscenes are easily skippable. It even shows the button to do it if you press something.

I don't appreciate blatant lies.

Wow i actually think Yahtzee did a huge dis-service to his own integrity and to the game with this review. First, the cut scenes ARE skippable, including the cut scene you are referring to which i have experienced myself. You critized the length of the game when you didnt even finish it, how could you know its a collosal game if you didnt finish it? for the record you were 1/3rd through. It does have a steep learning curve, i myself died repeatedly, maybe 5 or 6 times right at the start, beyond that initial difficulty, once you learn the mechanics the combat system is responsive, deep and engaging, I am currently playing through the game again, this time on Hard, and have not died once yet. This is a game based deep in slavik lore, myth and culture, you critized the naming of the magic runes because their meaning is not imidiately apparent to a new player. Would you not critise the break from the source material if you were a fan of the original books or the first game? I dont know what kind of laptop you use, but i play on mine, it is nothing fancy, i ran the game on medium settings and it ran very well. Usually Yahtzee i am a huge fan of your reviews, infact it was your reveiws that brought me to this website and while i dont always agree with your opinion of games you reveiw i generally respect the point and flaws you bring up but this reveiw was attrocious. I understand that a deep rpg experience is not for everyone and that this game does require much more from its players than the usualy fare but it is not a game flaw to ask its players to actually participate in what entails of being a witcher. Yahtzee, i am not a regular poster on these forums, hell i rarely log in, but this reveiw compelled me, it was not up to scratch. Please pick up your game, no pun intended, this review was undeserving of you, your fans, this game and the industry which you represent. Please, next time, do your homework.

Kededro:
I was laid off, thank you very much!

What, from the dick sucking factory? That's got to feel like the low-point in your career, eh?

In other news, I really don't mind hard games. In fact, some really hard games are really fun, as long as they're hard because they require precise timing and you have to think carefully about how you play the game and not because the controls are bad and unresponsive.

I'll say this, also: I grew up on consoles and I've always loved them, but I should also note that 9 out of my top ten most favorite games are all PC games. I wonder what that means.

LOL Yahtzee, defeated again by a difficult game. I shall await patiently your non-review for Dark Souls in which you will die once, rant five minutes about it, then never touch it again. =)

A Curious Fellow:
Hah, trolling PC gamers and PS3 gamers. Bet you all wish you had 360s now, don't you? *smug*

For the unintelligent: Clearly being facetious.

Don't know why but when I read that last line I heard Peter Griffins voice saying "What does poop have to do with anything?" (feces/facetious)

On topic I really don't see the appeal of overly complicated D&D RPG games and this one seems to fit the bill of overly complicated.

What do you mean your previous video is lost to the internet? It's right here http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/22-The-Witcher
I don't know.... OH!

Just the review I was expecting, now all the butthurt fanboys will now come out and complain that yahtzee can't review shit and he just doesn't understand the game. I got to keep an eye on these comments things could get interesting.

djvWOODSTOCK:
E3 review next week? maybe?

Hopefully! That's kind of what I was expecting to see instead of this.... (not that this was bad, but still...)

Mr. Omega:
Very accurate portrayal on how PC Gamers see themselves while making it clear how other people see them.

The rest of the review was also pretty good, and seems oddly consistent with many other reviews.

And since this is the Escapist, where the community sees this as the second coming of Jesus, I'm gonna keep my eye on this thread for lulzy hate comments. I've already seen quite a few.

No. Jesus was only with ONE whore. :P

Also, this probably will start some dumb flame war because, "Oh my god! Yahtzee didn't love what we all love! Again! >_< Ahhhh!"

It would make me laugh if the reasons weren't flimsy. You could make a good argument to why Yahtzee is wrong, but a lot of what I see is just angry kneejerk reactions. Also, NO, I don't think the game is bad. However, what Yahtzee says about it is mostly true, and he isn't the only (or even first) person to talk about it. The game could be better, but that doesn't make it a bad game.

Calm down everyone. Its all for fun. :)

haha, nice review. Yeah, the prologue was really, really hard, and Act 1 wasn't easy either, but by Act 2, combat is quite manageable.

The cutscene before the Kraken (or however it's spelled in-game) IS skippable though! I think you right click twice or something.

Btw, if you investigated the sidequest with the elf a bit more, you'd have realized that the elf was evil beforehand >_>
Which is one of the things I love about the Witcher 2, in that the game doesn't spoonfeed you the quest solutions. If you screw up, you'll get less exp and you'll get stabbed in the back by hot elf chicks :P

I've always wondered what it would feel like to listen to a ZP for a game I actually loved...turns out, it's not too bad :P

Yahtzee Croshaw:
Snip

Do you think you would of stuck with this game longer it it actually gave a good tutorial?

The only thing funnier than this review is the butthurt PC elitists complaining about it.

mrhateful:

Of cause PC games excel at every aspect of a game...
..."well controls are better so that invalids your argument".

I can't tell if you're trolling or if you actually believe that.

OT: If the two swords thing is true, then this game is downright silly.

gellert1984:
Yahtzee's consistancy sucks. He bitches about games that hold your hand, then bitches about games that don't, complains about games that are so oversimplified a monkey could play them but if you need more buttons than are available on a joypad he throws his toys out the pram...

Nope. The problem with this game is not its difficulty, but the fact that it does nothing to explain its mechanics. You're fighting soldiers in a hut brunt by a dragon before you even realize how to properly block. And even when you do get the gaming mechanics right, there's annoyances like a targetting system that doesn't always work, Geralt's dodge and stab fighting style being incongruous with crampes spaces, and a camera that doesn't follow the action. All that leads to cheap deaths.

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