Duke Nukem Forever Review

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-sigh-

I called it..

MiracleOfSound:
Well, there's always Bulletstorm.

If you're disappointed with DNF, get it instead. Captures the 90s run and gun fun much better.

Me and my friend Randy (who is a HUGE old school DUKE fan and I think I even saw a little tear when I told him about the missing Mighty Boot....) are thinking of getting that instead of DNF. Other than Bulletstorm, if yer in it for the funny, there is also Eat Lead if you really want to play a spoof of video games and action heroes.

OT: Thanks for the review, this is what I've been hearing but not great news, I wonder if DNF was a highly anticipated title for you though. Or did you just see it like any other game? I'm wondering if maybe an old school fan like my friend (who also loves pretty much any FPS old or new with the exception of Gears and "newer" Halos) will still get his moneys worth if he doesn't just get Bulletstorm instead. (He already has Eat Lead and has beaten it multiple times.)

Well, we'll see. Lots more reviews to look over, meybe a lil' Let's Play.

I gotta agree though, letting modern "realistic" shooters pollute what should have been an over-the-top shootfest sounds bad. Ugh. Developers, the more you make it like COD or MW, the farther I want to run away from it. It better have a solid singleplayer game, too, forget the MP.

*sigh* I'll set my gaming goo-goo eyes on Bioshock Infinite. But why in the hell are they promoting it so hard when it's not out for another YEAR? You guys are driving me crazy!

Woodsey:
"Recommendation: If you are stuck on a deserted island with only this game to play, go fishing instead. Worth playing so that you may be able to say that you did, but otherwise imminently forgettable and not worth your time."

I'm not one to beef about scores too much, but what would a game have to do get a 1-star rating, I mean Jesus Christ xD

This. Seriously, I think he literally had one good thing to say about it. Does a game have to eat orphans or something to get one star?!

Well, is this a surprise, after all? A game that has been in the hands of more people than an X-Rated blond could not be feasibly good.

Games are like kids: it takes a good upbringing to make them decent.

Why do I love DNF?

Well it's simple actually......cause it brings out the 13 year old in me. So I'm in my mid 20's going to my daily job, having fun with my entourage, loving my girl, playing my harden realistic games. And then when I heard DNF was finally coming I pre-ordered it in a flash.
While the game installed I prepared myself for those fun times I had with the Duke in childhood, so I brought out the 13 year old inside me and I can say i had a great time with it.
Ok so the graphics mediocre, not to bad but not to spectacular, the gameplay is fun although some weapons look more powerfull than they actually are. The pacing is decent and the combat kicks ass.
But it all doesn't matter cause when i got in that headset I was a kid again. My girlfriend was next to me watching TV while I was playing and looking at my monitor she asked:" Are you blowing off pig limbs and slapping wall boobs?, What are you 12?" To which I replied "ooohh yeah baby". For those 10h it took my to finish it I was in a trance: shooting aliens in the face with a shotgun, yelling one-liners, splaping boobs, geting a BJ in a glory-hole in a strip clubs restroom and much more.
And this is what this game is a escape from the daily routine of realistic gritty games.
And that's why I love this game, cause it allows me to be an immature kid again.

PS: Nostalgia help.

Dexter111:

This would actually make me want to buy the game even more if I didn't know that it was a console-port with 2 weapons at any given time lacking "fun gameplay".

According to the devs, the pc version is superior to the console version

[quote="Lord_Gremlin" post="6.291386.11575431"
There is 1 alarming fact in the whole review. Only one, but it's important. Reviewer actually spent an hour trying to beat alien Queen. Really? You never even tried to think it seems. It's a disgrace. I can see someone spending maybe 15 minutes - figuring the right spot and minion spawn pattern - but an hour? Sorry, but reviewer sucks at this game. And that is a fact said reviewer basically admitted. It's all right to criticize the flaws, and God knows DNF has them aplenty, BUT if player sucks that bad himself... The criticism becomes largely irrelevant.[/quote]

When I read the author's description of that boss fight, I said: Wait a minute, that can't be right. I watched Little Kuriboh play that boss fight, and even though he died a few times and had some trouble, he didn't have anywhere near that much trouble.

He also had a lot more health than the article's author at that point because he was not getting one hit killed- 2 or 3 hit killed, maybe, but not one (I don't really remember, clearly).

Back to the point that really annoyed me though, was the author stating that dying in that boss fight sent you back to the beginning of the level when it clearly doesn't. When LK died, he jut had to redo the boss fight, not traverse an entire level.

At the very least, I know from watching LK play that when I play this game I will have just as much fun as I had playing previous Duke games, and I'm perfectly happy with that.

It would be more appropriate if that scene at the start went like this:

"What about the game, Duke? Was it any good?"
"No, and after 14 fucking years, did anyone expect it to be?"

Anyway, very interesting review supplement. Ending is especially great. "Because I'm not 12, and this game sucks." :p

ZeroMachine:
And yet... two stars.

Hm. Very conflicted now. I was all set to get this game even if it was a piece of shit, just because it's practically an urban legend.

But... I don't know. I just don't know.

I know I'm probably shooting rubber bands at the stars here, or maybe it would be more appropriate to say that I'm chucking dollar bills onto an empty stage....

Yet I've heard the idea that Gearbox only bought this so that they would own the franchise (thereby being able to make their own Duke game) and so that all of 3D realms work would not have been for nothing as there was a huge fan outcry for the release of this game. So maybe something better is on the horizon?

In the mean time as someone who owns lots of games others say suck (for instance buying Green Lantern instead of Duke Nuke Em' or Thor over Brink and LA Noire) buy what you think you will enjoy. If nothing else, you are a fan who owns a piece of gaming history. It won't matter to me what pros pan it when the sequel to Eat Lead comes out, I'll play it anyway if only so it can be Hazzard time one more.... er, again.

V Gray:
p.s. I'm not trying to anger anyone, I haven't played the game, I've just seen the video, but I just cant see how this is going to turn out well. not when the game contains tit slapping, strip clubs, and female torture, it might just give us gamers a bad name.

They media has had over a decade to bitch about those things- they were in Duke NUkem 64 and Duke Nukem 3D- this might be a little more 'in your face' about it, but it's nothing new.

Milo Windby:
"I'm not 12 so this game sucks"
Do we really need to act our age all the time? Being adults we are expected to act our age all the time, at work, in public, ect... Acting anything other then as an adult is frowned upon so really... a game that does not take its self seriously and allows you to toss shit at the wall, get drunk and burp and slap wall tits just because you can really lets you just have a small amount of fun time that you can not normally do because... its just not mature to do.

For myself, I am going to play this and I am going to enjoy it because sometimes I just get tired of having to be mature all the time.

I'm not sure this game deserves that discussion lol.

Honestly, I'm not surprised. I recently saw some gameplay footage that took place on board an alien ship. Wherein all the 'babes' that the aliens have been stealing are strung up naked to the walls and ceiling, and are then raped by giant alien penises. And that, apparantly, is supposed to be funny. Because nothing says 'humour' quite like watching women writhe around in obvious pain and misery, getting impregnated by giant alien penises, all while Duke looks on and cracks callous jokes.

I never really got the appeal of Duke Nukem. The games never looked that special, his one liners seem to be nicked from films and tv shows as opposed to coming from the game's own writers... truly, all I see is a game which wants people to believe it's great simply because it says so.

bombadilillo:
I will never understand why so many people are buying this knowing full well its a modernized turd. Sends the wrong message to the developers to put out crap like this.

Im sure they thought...Well lets just put out whatever we have because people will buy this crap just because its been so long.

And you are proving them right. Go buy 3-6 indie games instead that are worthy.

I didn't wait 12 years for nothing. It may be a bad game, but it's probably entertaining too. Reviewers usually compare games to the other games of the generation, and then give them an appropriate score based off of that, not how entertained they were. Surely it's more fun than fishing, I've played the demo. Besides, there have been both bad and positive reviews on several sites. This is probably one of those games you grow up to either hate or love.

Milo Windby:
"I'm not 12 so this game sucks"
Do we really need to act our age all the time? Being adults we are expected to act our age all the time, at work, in public, ect... Acting anything other then as an adult is frowned upon so really... a game that does not take its self seriously and allows you to toss shit at the wall, get drunk and burp and slap wall tits just because you can really lets you just have a small amount of fun time that you can not normally do because... its just not mature to do.

Couldn't have said it better myself. Why does everyone have to be an adult all the time? Do some wacky and dumb shit, live a little!

MiracleOfSound:
Well, there's always Bulletstorm.

If you're disappointed with DNF, get it instead. Captures the 90s run and gun fun much better.

Pretty much this. Would also recommend trying out the Serious Sam games. They're pretty much Duke Nukem, except with up to 16 player co-op, too.

Still, this game turning out bad is pretty depressing, I mean after 12 years of waiting and being hopeful despite all the news....the game just ends up sucking. Makes me quite the sad panda. Oh well, time to try out serious sam.

I am reminded of the phrase too many cooks spoil the broth.

mikev7.0:
Yet I've heard the idea that Gearbox only bought this so that they would own the franchise (thereby being able to make their own Duke game) and so that all of 3D realms work would not have been for nothing as there was a huge fan outcry for the release of this game. So maybe something better is on the horizon?

I hope they keep making Duke games. I've always wanted to see a Zero Hour remake.

From what I've seen and heard, this game is for the 12 year old in all of us, especially the one that grew up with Duke Nukem 64 / 3D. If you can't find that inner 12 year old, you probably won't enjoy this game.

And that is the most honest review I can think of.

Woodsey:
"Recommendation: If you are stuck on a deserted island with only this game to play, go fishing instead. Worth playing so that you may be able to say that you did, but otherwise imminently forgettable and not worth your time."

I'm not one to beef about scores too much, but what would a game have to do get a 1-star rating, I mean Jesus Christ xD

To answer that, it would have to be broken with no redeeming value, so, yeah. Nothing in the game would be fun.

Also, fail to the king baby.

What has already been said that I shall say: Knew it would happen.

What hasn't been said that I shall say: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! AH HA HA HA HA HA! "I'm not a twelve yer old... And this game sucks! I don't know why but that just made me giggle in a way I felt guilty, but it was definatly a guilty pleasure that was worth sharing!

Duke Nukem looks fun. I'm glad to see a game that just has fun and doesn't worry about being PC, melodrama (Gears of War 2), or other nonsense. This game has the sensibilities of the 90s and the tech/style of modern games.

Guess Russ mistakes maturity for not having a good time.

Oh God, Yahtzee's going to have a feild day with this one.

Eri:
I'd recommend giving this a read. http://kotaku.com/5811449/in-defense-of-duke-nukem-forever

This article is right on the money. Everyone who was considering getting it and then stopped because they read bad reviews, read this before you completely write it off.

One thing I find annoying is that people read a bad review and then say, "This game is bad, so I won't get it."

I read that same review and say, "This person didn't like the game, but it appeals to me anyway." So I get, play it, and more often than not, enjoy the hell out of it.

For some odd reason, the Ego bar actually makes sense to me. Even the having to hide to replenish it part. Why? In my imagination, when Duke hides, he's totally freaked out about what's been happening. Obviously, judging by the lack of health, things hadn't been going the way that they "should be." The enemies that should be shooting wide off their mark are somehow hitting him, and they're not dying with the ease of the enemies in his inner world's fantasies. Things are not going according to plan, and Duke's ego - the fragile thing that it is - cannot stand up to it. He's essentially shell-shocked. When Duke has to hide to replenish his ego, it's in much the same way that a person who's just had a confrontation with his/her boss goes someplace private to regroup. (S)He goes in there, pulls his/her shit together, and gets back out to get some work done.

Perhaps I'm giving the developers too much credit, but I see it as an ultra-tongue-in-cheek joke about the character. His ego is everything to him, but at the same time, it's quite delicate -- maybe a little too delicate. The whole world rides his nethers over something that he did years ago, and he's had to listen to all the glowing praise he'd been given. But, inwardly, he's afraid. He's afraid of dying. He's afraid of failing. He's afraid of being exposed as a fraud -- a fraud who got lucky all those years ago. And, if he dies in some corridor, somewhere, all of his fears come to fruition. He dies. He fails. He's really a fraud who got lucky. And, his ego can't handle it.

With all that said, I've never been a fan of Duke Nukem. The series just doesn't appeal to me at all.

Honestly I thought it was going to change the way we thought of Gaming since it was being worked on for 14 years. Am very sad, truly sad actually and now I shall place 100% of my hopes into Skyrim because that game is going to rock the World, literally.

Still, I actually wouldn't mind getting this game, renting it at least and trying it out. Might be fun even if it's not considered the best game ever.. Mm.

I kinda knew it was gonna end this way, 12 years is way to long to make a good game

Yahtzee's going to have a lot to say about this. Just sayin'

MiracleOfSound:
Well, there's always Bulletstorm.

If you're disappointed with DNF, get it instead. Captures the 90s run and gun fun much better.

Or you could hop over to GoG and grab Painkiller, Serious Sam, Duke Nukem 3D, Unreal... I think you see where I'm going here.

Hell, you could hop on Xbox LIVE and grab Serious Sam HD (and DOOM II, and Duke Nukem 3D, and again, you see where I am going). Dunno about PSN, though...

Still, as the review says, it's not worth the money, and it's much better spent on something else if you're looking for an old-school shooter.

I've played it a bit. It's fun. The bad part is the graphics, but I can look past them.

That said, it's not worth $50. It's worth a rent, or ~$20. Not the bad game everyone makes it out to be. It's also not for everyone. If you don't take your games too seriously, it's for you.

Caramel Frappe:
Honestly I thought it was going to change the way we thought of Gaming since it was being worked on for 14 years. Am very sad, truly sad actually and now I shall place 100% of my hopes into Skyrim because that game is going to rock the World, literally.

Still, I actually wouldn't mind getting this game, renting it at least and trying it out. Might be fun even if it's not considered the best game ever.. Mm.

You seriously expected a game that was 14+ years old, with dated code, to change gaming?

Stupid.

EcksTeaSea:
Somehow I knew this was going to get a terrible review. After a game has been in development hell this long, I barely see a chance of it being good.

Still not going to deter me from picking it up tomorrow, though I am sad that this isn't the Duke that I grew up with.

He's still the same Duke, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Abandon4093:
I still think they missed a trick with the ego health system.

He could have had to do something cool to get his ego back. Like shooting a dude in the dick or something.

The more zaney stuff you do, the bigger your ego bar gets. And when it's low. You have to do something like benchpress an enemy carcase to boost it back up.

The rest of it looks pretty much how I imagined though.

!

That would be awesome.

VikingSteve:
If you don't take your games too seriously, it's for you.

This. A shitzillion times this.

Everyone hating on this game takes himself just a wee bit too seriously. Yes the gameplay and graphics are atrocious, but who cares? The mere fact that this game now actually exists is a joke in itself, all we can do is sit back and laugh at the poo jokes.

Honestly, if there ever was a game that gets a free pass for all the categories other games normally get scrutinized for, it's DNF.

Woodsey:
"Recommendation: If you are stuck on a deserted island with only this game to play, go fishing instead. Worth playing so that you may be able to say that you did, but otherwise imminently forgettable and not worth your time."

I'm not one to beef about scores too much, but what would a game have to do get a 1-star rating, I mean Jesus Christ xD

2 stars was probably for the 12 year olds, who actually have 10 more things they find fun about the game than the rest of us

Shame this game sucked really.. but i dont think its hard to see why, the review pretty much summed it up

I hope they keep making Duke games. Screw all the whiny scrubs who take themselves too seriously. I love the lewd humor.

Irridium:
Well, there's always Serious Sam 3!

Please don't let that suck...

Don't hold your breath, I saw Sam aiming down the sights in a trailer.

OT: Well I think we all knew this was coming. Very, very few things come out of development hell unmauled, and the king was there longer than anyone else. Even he's not invincible it seems.

Isn't all this what DNF is supposed to be about?

I'd be pretty darn disappointed if the game was developed seriously, and had an amazing storyline conveying a heavy thought-provoking theme or shit like that.

I recently rented it for the PS3, and it's a total piece of shit. Good God, what a disappointment.

With the way Gearbox had been promoting the game, I kind of called it. I didn't really pay attention to its release because I figured out what was going on. Also the way women are objectified here puts women in videogames football fields back in terms of progress.

But Surely the game has to appeal to some people though.

Duke Nukem Forever sucks after 14 years in development?


I am so excited for the Zero Punctuation review (assuming he can get a copy past the game gestapo of Australia)

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