Zero Punctuation: Gears of War 3

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Gears of War 3

This week, Zero Punctuation reviews thick necked refrigerator armor marine 3.

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What did you expect? Gears of War is about chainsaw bayonet vasectomies! Plot and character is for girls and people with sensibly proportioned necks.

Oh, shit ...

I live on a planet too!

Loved this one as usual. Full of great lines there.

I think he liked it.

So, Hard Reset next week?

This review was kind of "meh", but that's because the game itself is like that. There was really nothing to say about it since it's just a quick cash grab. Sadly, this won't stop it from being one of the best selling titles of the year.

Excellent episode. Even though I love the serious, good as always.
Also, funny about the neck thing, I actually know somebody with a neck very similar to the characters in the game and the manliest chin you could imagine. Me and my friends constantly comment on how fucking manly it is. Never seen anything else like it outside of Gears of War.

Good to know i'm not missing out.

I was very tempted to get this to "finish the story." Yet once i thought about it i could barely remember anything from the previous 2. My friend had to remind me who the final boss in the second was -.-

I'll get this when it's cheap and comes with the map packs already :)

Gears 3 is the first Gears game I have ever bought, and I honestly dont understand what is so great about these games. Seems pretty avaerage to me. It certaintly doesn't seem all that special. Great review by Yahtzee as always.

That mental junk drawer is a compartment I find myself stuffing full all too often nowadays.

Also, cleavage department is not a department. It is an electrified mob vault.

A brown dreary mess in your memory and on your screen, maybe that's why you'd forget it.

Wow Yahtzee - you're making my week.

First Warhammer 40K - now Gears of War. ^^

If you rip on America's shitty educational system next, you'll have hit the trifecta of things I hate. ^^ Horrah!

(and no hate on any other Teachers here - I lament the fact that we're expected to work miracles with a budget that couldn't buy used chewing gum)

One of the funnier episodes of recent weeks.

As for the game, while I have no love for the story, setting, characters etc, I did find the basic minute-to-minute gunplay to actually be good fun. It managed to improve on GoW2, which was okay, and GoW1, which was crap.

Ah. Time to sit back and enjoy the fanboy rage now.

Very good, as usual :)

Although i hate to get all fanboy-y, i feel i should point out there was nothing about the planet exploding in the game :P

that was pretty mean spirited than usual. Welcome back.

theriddlen:
So, Hard Reset next week?

Whelp, I sure hope so. Pretty decent, if obnoxiously difficult. But I guess a challenge is what I have been looking for lately...

I was hoping to buy this game for the four player co-op. I guess not anymore.

Thanks for the review, I had always wondered if this game was a rent or buy game and now it would seem I have my answer. Under the norm, I'd have avoided it on the grounds that it's so forgettable, but any game with the dulcet voice of Claudia Black is surely worth a rental in my books.

this episode is extra hilarious...

harping on fanboys that hard just made me lol

why am I less than amazed that he likes that steaming turd Hard Reset just because its has some resemblance to painkiller even if it doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence
also I don't think its fair to completely dismiss and ignore a games story and then say that the story is bad, also the game has sold very well for "a relic". but anyway funny video even if I disagree that's the magic of ZP

When Gears of War first came out, it was at least different ENOUGH from all the other gray-brown shooters to make an impact. Then, they just left it that way.

If the Rainbow Six games are the filet mignon of FPS games, Gears of War is sloppy joe's. It's tasty enough, but it's 80% filler by the time you finish eating it.

I don't think anybody buys Gears for the single player.

I bought it so I can chainsaw the shit out of high pitched American teenagers.

I'm conflicted with this review. On one hand, I really do not care for the Gears series despite the usual chainsaw + voice work by John DiMaggio = Awesome theory I employ. And even then that's being extremely nice to this series. (Probably nicer than I should be)

But on the other hand, I still wanna smack Yahtzee upside the head for that whole comment towards the people saying "the plot doesn't matter" because that just further gives me the impression that he's becoming more and more pretentious with each review. It's like he expects compelling story telling with everything he reviews.

Granted there are some FPSs with good storylines like Bioshock for example but c'mon, Gears of War is full of big muscle-bound guys tearing monsters apart with chainsaw guns. I really do not expect that quality of plot from a game like that. Besides, you can have the greatest story for a game in the world and yet if the gameplay falls flat, it'll be wasted potential.

imnotparanoid:
I think he liked it.

You may be onto something there. He certainly didn't SAY that he didn't like it.

Gears of war 3 is the type of game where I'm curious how it ends, but don't really have an urge to play it...

Had the same problem when i played the game couldn't remember fuck all about the story from the other games like where the hell did the locust even come from? or the lambert? why's their queen human? was this shit even addressed in the previous games?

love the pre-emptive telling fanboys to fuck off, classic move.

Also, must wholeheartedly agree with this review. although i remember initially liking gears of war, i never actually finished one or two, and couldnt tell you which was which now!

given, it was very ploddy, but there must have been something good about it, surely?

i remember giving up on gears of war 1 when it finnished after 5 hours so i dont think i will play this one

Princess Rose:
(and no hate on any other Teachers here - I lament the fact that we're expected to work miracles with a budget that couldn't buy used chewing gum)

Yeah, what the hell? Last week while I was at student teaching I found some gum underneath a desk and government official showed up and handed me a bill for it!

immortalslayer90:
Gears 3 is the first Gears game I have ever bought, and I honestly dont understand what is so great about these games. Seems pretty avaerage to me. It certaintly doesn't seem all that special. Great review by Yahtzee as always.

It's one of the few 360 exclusives they can tout around town. What else do they have left? The Halo series that MS has decided to beat to death with a baseball bat?

Zhukov:
One of the funnier episodes of recent weeks.

As for the game, while I have no love for the story, setting, characters etc, I did find the basic minute-to-minute gunplay to actually be good fun. It managed to improve on GoW2, which was okay, and GoW1, which was crap.

I agree with this person. The multiplayer's pretty good fun as a result.

The story, however, is a pile of crap. (Note: Just started act 4, but don't see it picking up any time soon). The fact that you have to rely on 3 or 4 novels to tell the story between games means you're doing it wrong. I suspect very few people read any of them - to stereotype unfairly:
. The hardcore manly man chainsaw-and-gore crowd can't read
. The story enthusiasts would be too embarrassed to pick up a gears of war novel

As a result, no-one has any idea where Jace or Sam have come from, or exactly how the entire government has fallen to shit.

Gears 3 strikes me as a pretty lazy release. I imagine that it was all but done months ago, the finishing touches being put on without any sense of urgency back when Bulletstorm was being shipped to stores.

ED: Not that I can get Gears 3, but I think I'd give it a miss anyway. The point of a trilogy is to follow the story, but Gears retcons the previous game with each release meaning there's no real story to be followed (unless you buy the books, which like arse I'm going to).

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