Escape to the Movies: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

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Abe vampire killer seems fun... Brave A bit disappointing but still good enough to sell on me... Self confessed sucker for Pixar movies.

And yea I miss some of the fun parts in Escape to the movies
(captcha "whoops a daisy") 8)

You know what?

I'm going to go see a film at the cinema for the first time in years (Startrek Nemesis for crying out loud) because of this review.

Oh and I know that I could have gone to see better films, but I really don't care. I go to the cinema for a laugh, if I want something moving I'll watch it at home, on the PC.

I'll put it on my "Maybe" list.

As a Virginian I don't think I have ever met anyone who thought that the confederates weren't in the wrong. Anyway, I might just check this out purely for the cheese value.

Glad to see the mid-credit inserts will be returning. I figured you had just been too busy with other things to put any in. Glad to know they'll be back, nonetheless.

Sadly, this isn't even much of an original idea: ie Vampire Confederates. Some years ago, the movie Ghost Brigade (aka Grey Knight, IIRC) had a similar premise, though the hero in that was a Confederate officer forced to kill Vampires (or something like them?) in his own ranks. (Including his 8ish year old son, who was a drummer)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107319/

of course we missed them Bob, the mid credit gags are part of the show, hell i always pause and read em, ether way good to hear they'll be back

also, good to hear the movie is good. saw a poster for it down town, gave it a funny look till i remember theres a comic called Time Lincoln (where he's fighting Hitler and vampire Nazis)

ollieoz17:
Speaking as someone who is from the deep South and has spent 24 of the last 26 years here, I wish there was a lot more demonization of the Confederacy from my fellow Southerners. Gone With the Wind style romanticization makes me queasy, and I figure that if my home is ever going to rise above the status of "belittled country backwater," we're going to have to come to terms with the facts that 1) the Confederacy were the bad guys, and 2) we're not the CSA, and haven't been for the last 150+ years.

Of course, I *do* still get annoyed when people from elsewhere use the term "Southern" pejoratively, but I'm not going to pretend like we don't have problems, and this weird historical-identity one is a significant one we really need to have gotten over by now.

God I can't help but completely agree with you that the confederacy needs to be demonized to an extreme extent. I've family in the south and they are all about the southern gentlemen and romanticizing the confederacy and it drives me insane every time i have to talk to them. Really its gotten to the point where when ever i even think of the confederacy i start to wish that General Sherman had done a better job of burning the south.

Dastardly:

MovieBob:
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Abraham Lincoln gets the Buffy treatment in this upcoming movie.

Watch Video

While I'm not in any way personally touched or outraged, I do feel like the Civil War tie-in could be seen as offensive... by Lincoln fans.

Obviously the anti-Slavery-but-pro-Confederacy section of the Southern population will be upset about yet another movie that presents the entire region as slave-hungry monsters, so that isn't really a surprise of any sort.

And there are those who already believe that Lincoln's abolition of slavery was more political than ideological, so some (not all) of the Hero rhetoric is misplaced. But there are many who sincerely believe in Lincoln as a Champion of Equality, stopping at nothing until every person was free and equal in the eyes of the law...

...but in this movie, freeing the slaves is just sort of something he does on the way to his personal revenge against the Vampires? That is to say, freeing the slaves was to a degree incidental to his personal/political purpose of defeating an enemy uprising?

Interesting...

though Lincoln may have wanted to free the slaves he was still a product of his time and the racism that might entail. But it is interesting to note that if he hadnt been assassinated he would have started shipping the freed slave back to africa or at least thats what the history channel says.

Dear Confederates.

You now know what it feels like to be British. A villain because it's convenient.

Signed, Britain.

I cant wait to see this movie, and post review blurbs returning shortly. Good.

I MUST SEE THIS FILM XD
image

Perhaps there will be a sequel. Theodore Roosevelt: Werewolf Hunter, a biopic of course.

Hmm, so it's joke is that is takes a political historical figure, strips it of all nuance so that it may fit with neatly with particular modern day agendas, values, and perceptions of heroism, all dipped in pop culture?

Seems more of a parody of the level of political debate in general.

Somehow this basically positive review (combined with the fact that IMDB listed it as 0/10 on the boobies scale) caused me not to want to see the latest installment of hilarious-concept-taken-seriously-for-comedic-effect. Probably didn't help that I found Human Centipede tepid.

Instead, I saw Moonrise Kingdom. Which was goddamn fantastic. It's a niche concept to be sure: a Godard-like romance played out in America by a couple tweenage children, but their affection is played in an incredibly genuine fashion. Severe bonus points for not bowdlerizing anything. Very curious what, if anything, Bob has to say about this one.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY The credits gags are coming back YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. *cough* Ahem, um... looks good, might go see it with my history buff mate.

I really enjoyed this movie. I liked the fact it was was played straight and not as a "wink wink" sort of deal. Fun movie. I disagree with the fight scenes though, they were all really enjoyable to me.

vxicepickxv:

Dragonforce525:
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Killer>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Brave

I do not need to see another movie with the central premise being "Girls can do anything boys can do!", it's been done to death and I hope Brave bombs hard and this storyline never sees the light of day again.

Well, had it not been done by Pixar, you might have had a chance at it bombing. It's not going to bomb.

Ya, Brave is going too at worst be average. For Pixar average is as close to 'bombing' as we will ever see.

But, I think Brave is going to be very good. I am hopeful that it will be best picture of the year.

Why is it okay for Hollywood to MOLEST our nation's history. Am I the only one who realizes this?

That's actually a pretty hilarious direction to take this.

ollieoz17:
Speaking as someone who is from the deep South and has spent 24 of the last 26 years here, I wish there was a lot more demonization of the Confederacy from my fellow Southerners. Gone With the Wind style romanticization makes me queasy, and I figure that if my home is ever going to rise above the status of "belittled country backwater," we're going to have to come to terms with the facts that 1) the Confederacy were the bad guys, and 2) we're not the CSA, and haven't been for the last 150+ years.

Of course, I *do* still get annoyed when people from elsewhere use the term "Southern" pejoratively, but I'm not going to pretend like we don't have problems, and this weird historical-identity one is a significant one we really need to have gotten over by now.

Well, maybe they're still somewhat bitter about being pillaged and left destitute. Have you ever wondered why your home enjoys the status of "belittled country backwater"? Perhaps it was because the entire southern economy was destroyed and never rebuilt? It's kind of hard for something to not be part of your historical identity when you're still feeling its effects.

The Confederates certainly didn't have the noblest of causes, but you have to remember that it was the wealthiest 10% that owned all the slaves and it was the other 90% who had to fight, die, and have their homes burnt down for it. While slavery was obviously awful, there is really no question as to whether the south had a right to secede; democracy isn't a roach motel. Europe managed to end slavery without any wars, but America apparently needed to kill 600,000 of its own people to do so.

Perhaps the South would have been more willing to negotiate some form of emancipation if the Northern-dominated congress stopped passing crippling tariffs that were clearly intended to keep the south in a subservient economic position. It was business on both sides. The north required the goods produced by the south and used it's control over congress to make sure that the South couldn't sell directly to Europe or build a manufacturing sector of its own. The slave owning aristocracy were obviously total assholes, but the industrial tycoons who kept their workers under brutal slave-like conditions and used their money to influence politics to keep it that way certainly weren't much better. They were the ones who pushed for the tariffs, and they were the typically the ones who cried out for southern blood. Southern independence would have crippled their profit margins. The Civil War was really just the culmination of a business war.

Were the Confederates bad guys? Well if you think all the poor farmers fought to protect the monopolistic economic institution that kept them from prospering, and not, you know, because they were worried about their homes being destroyed, then sure; they were obviously mustache-twirling villains. The saying "rich man's war, poor man's fight" clearly has no truth to it. They really should have been wiped out like Sherman wanted, just like every last German should have been put to death for what the Nazis did. Clearly Robert E. Lee was a traitor for giving his allegiance to his home state rather than the federal government. George Washington was a patriot for fighting to make sure that people didn't have to pay high taxes on their tea to help pay back for the costly war Britain had to wage against the French Canadians in order to protect them.

The Northern troops were clearly all humanitarians who joined up to free the slaves, they weren't concerned with preserving the union. It's not like they looted southern homes and raped female slaves at every chance they got. I mean, it's not like after the emancipation proclamation all the Irish immigrants who were being used as cannon fodder had a huge riot in New York where they burned down black orphanages. It's not like Lincoln suspended the writ of habeas corpus and imprisoned hundreds of journalists for criticizing him along with half the population of Maryland. It's not like he ordered the largest mass execution in American history against the Sioux. It's not like the entire Cherokee Nation joined the Confederacy because the federals had a history of genocidal action towards Native Americans. It's not like the North utilized a total war strategy wherein they targeted civilians.

It's not like my great-great grandfather believed in emancipation and tried to stay out of the war until General Sheridan burnt down his home as part of his general campaign to raze the Shenandoah valley. It's not like Sheridan wrote to Lincoln and told him that he had left the valley so barren that a crow could not fly over it without bringing its own food. It's not like Lincoln applauded him on a job well done. It's not like two of my grandfather's nieces starved to death before he decided to join the Confederacy and kill as many Yankees as humanly possible. He was clearly a bad guy. He should have just kneeled down and lifted his chin so Sheridan could have slit his throat more easily.

Or maybe those who are completely ignorant of history shouldn't make broad baseless assertions about it.

I loved this film more than I thought I would. Then again its probably because The BuyBull Belt States like to pretend that New York State isn't part of "The Real America" despite the fact NY is in The Constitution & is one of the 13 colonies represented by a stripe on the US Flag. Or maybe they just hate that one of the Founding Fathers, Alexander Hamilton was a foreigner.

Since most of these confederates hate foreigners then perhaps they should leave United States. After all they should realize they're anchor babies without a country. Or they should burn that confederate flag & start acting like Real Americans.

*Edit*
I forgot part of this movie reminded me of this.
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/595517

Little Duck:
Dear Confederates.

You now know what it feels like to be British. A villain because it's convenient.

Signed, Britain.

The Southern aristocracy already knew. They were members of the British aristocracy that were given land in America.

Dastardly:

MovieBob:
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Abraham Lincoln gets the Buffy treatment in this upcoming movie.

Watch Video

While I'm not in any way personally touched or outraged, I do feel like the Civil War tie-in could be seen as offensive... by Lincoln fans.

Obviously the anti-Slavery-but-pro-Confederacy section of the Southern population will be upset about yet another movie that presents the entire region as slave-hungry monsters, so that isn't really a surprise of any sort.

And there are those who already believe that Lincoln's abolition of slavery was more political than ideological, so some (not all) of the Hero rhetoric is misplaced. But there are many who sincerely believe in Lincoln as a Champion of Equality, stopping at nothing until every person was free and equal in the eyes of the law...

...but in this movie, freeing the slaves is just sort of something he does on the way to his personal revenge against the Vampires? That is to say, freeing the slaves was to a degree incidental to his personal/political purpose of defeating an enemy uprising?

Interesting...

Except Lincoln did free the slaves purely as a political purpose. The Emancipation Proclamation freed the slaves only in the Southern states. Northern states could continue to own slaves, but the north's economy was industrial based, not agricultural. As such, slavery wasn't as prevalent, at least in the sense of legal ownership over another. A lot of mining camps and lumber camps in the American wilderness would pay in their own currency, accepted only within said camps or towns, essentially forcing workers to remain with them.

iblis666:

ollieoz17:
snip

God I can't help but completely agree with you that the confederacy needs to be demonized to an extreme extent. I've family in the south and they are all about the southern gentlemen and romanticizing the confederacy and it drives me insane every time i have to talk to them. Really its gotten to the point where when ever i even think of the confederacy i start to wish that General Sherman had done a better job of burning the south.

Lol. I'm not sure if I even need to comment on this statement, but I couldn't resist:

"Yes these assholes romanticize about their lost cause as if they were the victims of some sort of oppression. What a bunch of dumbasses! Sherman should have done a better job slaughtering them."

I can't help but laugh at the smug sense of moral superiority displayed by those who revel in the idea of the south being burnt and its people butchered.

iblis666:
though Lincoln may have wanted to free the slaves he was still a product of his time and the racism that might entail. But it is interesting to note that if he hadnt been assassinated he would have started shipping the freed slave back to africa or at least thats what the history channel says.

There's decent evidence to suggest that although Lincoln hated slavery as a moral wrong, he was also convinced that white and black people weren't equals and seemed to think that they couldn't coexist in the same society. The aspect of Lincoln that people really don't want to mention is his stance towards Native Americans, which was more or less genocidal.

The fact that we basically worship the president whose election and subsequent actions directly lead to a civil war that killed 600,000 Americans is beyond my comprehension. The Lincoln memorial has Lincoln sitting on a goddamn throne made out of Roman fasces (the signs of imperium). IT IS DIRECTLY COMPARING HIM TO A ROMAN EMPEROR. You might as well put a goddamn laurel on his head. Though I guess it's only fitting considering he basically seized imperium when he suspended the writ of habeas corpus and started throwing journalists in jail.

This is not to say that I want to completely demonize him either; I just want history to be an objective reflection upon past states of affairs, and not a fairy tale that is blatantly used as propaganda to promote mindless nationalism. Guess I've got high hopes.

I can't stand the propaganda on either sides. Anyone who pretends that the Confederacy wasn't politically run by the slave-owners and that the primary reason why they seceded was slavery is just plain crazy. But anyone who thinks that the average southern soldier was a baby eating monster is also an idiot.

The political machinations of both the North and the South were run by business: the slave owners hated the tariffs placed upon them by the northern dominated congress and were obviously afraid that slavery would be outlawed, and the northern industrialists wanted the south to be economically subservient so that they can keep buying and selling goods with them at huge profits.

I already explained by position in reply to ollieoz17:

ReiverCorrupter:
snip

My point is this. The Civil War should be remembered as a brutal tragedy where 600,000 people lost their lives for a business dispute between two wealthy classes. Both sides should be portrayed for what they actually were: armies of brave men who fought and died for what they believed in because of political corruption. Southern soldiers fought to protect their homes, the politicians like Jeff Davis seceded to protect slavery. Woe upon the man who would judge the soldiers fighting in a war by the politicians who started it.

Southerners have a right to be upset because their country was essentially destroyed and never rebuilt. But they certainly shouldn't go claiming that their cause was pure and just. They should focus less on the cause and more upon the brave sacrifice of their soldiers. That is what should be remembered fondly. The fact that the soldiers on both sides were deluded just makes it all the more tragic.

As Nietzsche put it, "it is not the cause that justifies the war, but the war that justifies the cause."

The fact that politicians are contorting history to fit their agendas sickens me. The south had a right to secede, but it certainly didn't do so for morally righteous reason. Pretending that it was all about state's rights and had nothing to do with slavery so that the republicans and tea party-ers can use it to demonize the democrats is tantamount to pissing on the graves of Confederate soldiers.

"Novemeber 22nd, 1963, President Kennedy was assassinated...or was he? It is the year 2511 and after years of being frozen, The president is re-awakened...he is John-117"

something me and my friend made up, yeh it makes no sense but neither does this film xD

Anyway can't wait to see this, looks absolutely insane, but i think the movie industry kinda needs that right about now xD

Also, just going to throw this in...

"Richard Nixon...Space Marine"

"Once you've seen one scene of Lincoln excessively cool kung-fu axe fighting, you've seen them all"- I want to see this movie now based entirely on that quote.

I must see this film. It looks incredibly funny

To be honest I bought the book just because of the title and was expecting a cheap laugh, but it was very well thought out and most surprising of all...kinda plausible. It did a very good job intertwining fiction with historical fact, well at least as far as know having a passing knowledge of his life :P

You know I was looking forward to this movie and I was expecting you to hate it. But since you kinda like if I want to see it even more now.

I wouldn't say Confederate-sympathetic fiction has a stranglehold but meh minor detail.

Dragonforce525:
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Killer>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Brave

I do not need to see another movie with the central premise being "Girls can do anything boys can do!", it's been done to death and I hope Brave bombs hard and this storyline never sees the light of day again.

The best part is that I went and saw Brave, and that has LITERALLY NOTHING TO DO with the movie. At no point were the sentiments "Girls can't do that!" ever brought up. So your angry critique is worthless. Maybe you should go see movies before commenting on the storyline you perceived from a thirty second commercial and a couple wild assumptions.

(For the record, it was totally awesome, and I'm putting up a review on this site later.)

Father Time:
You know I was looking forward to this movie and I was expecting you to hate it. But since you kinda like if I want to see it even more now.

I wouldn't say Confederate-sympathetic fiction has a stranglehold but meh minor detail.

I was expecting that either he'd hate it, and all the comments would be about how good a popcorn movie it was, or that he'd love it, and all the comments would be about how wrong he is.

I certainly wasn't expecting him to like it and for so many people to agree.

What is it with Americans trivializing historic figures...

Abe Lincoln was a vampire hunter.
Einstein was a party animal.
Sherlock Holmes was a douchebag genius fighter.

surg3n:
What is it with Americans trivializing historic figures...
Sherlock Holmes was a douchebag genius fighter.

And wasn't real. :P

tehroc:
Perhaps there will be a sequel. Theodore Roosevelt: Werewolf Hunter, a biopic of course.

Henry the VIII, Wolfman is the released version/

These parody book series things have covered a LOT of ground, yet it's still better than the trend Twilight started.

ReiverCorrupter:

This is not to say that I want to completely demonize him either; I just want history to be an objective reflection upon past states of affairs, and not a fairy tale that is blatantly used as propaganda to promote mindless nationalism. Guess I've got high hopes.

This is really just a test of sorts, War of Independence?

I'd like to see a movie where Mayflower Satanists come to America and the Natives fight them Natives AND win.

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