Zero Punctuation: Painkiller

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Ahh, it's reviews like these that remind me that I'm also an old sod wishing games were "90s fun" again, like Doom and Quake and Painkiller where all you do is collect frags and have fun doing so. Then again, stuff like Resident Evil 4 shows that you can have *that* AND *intelligent game design/storytelling/AI* AND *great visuals* so: long live progress!

Funny ass hell..great review

i have to ask ElArabDeMagnifico: how do you know what Yahtzee likes/dislikes? I mean it just seems odd that you apparently know whats best for him and yet dont explain how you may know these things. Do you actually know him? or is this simply something that you are assuming/personally believe?
I mean he made a whole film on peoples criticisms so i cant see him hating that, and to have people who genuinely admire what he says and simply want to state that without the need to back it up, then why not? If someone says to me "what you did there was great" i wouldnt say "hmm i wish you deconstructed what was great about it". Also i was under the impression he is a critic/writer not an "artist".

p.s. dont take this as a slight against you, im simply stating my opinion, just as you stated yours.

Hahahaha... Oh man... That was one of the funniest ones in a long time. And Whoever said that it made them wanna seek this game out, I agree. It's kinda interesting because I'd heard of painkiller but never really looked into it. This makes me want to give it a chance.

However, WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THE OLD REVIEWS. I still watched all the old ones, they were so damn funny. Where'd they go?

I'm not going to lie, that was a good review. Made me laugh more than ususal. Also, I have been having some loading problems. Has the Escapist had an update or change?

ElArabDeMagnifico:
As one of the first few to post in this thread, I would like to establish some "implied yet unwritten" rules/guidelines, because I'm not a mod and I don't expect everyone to follow these, but for the greater good of this thread, PLEASE follow them as best as you can! -and Remember, I am condemning out of love, not hate (sort of)

  • NO ASS KISSING! Yahtzee hates it when people call flawed work flawless, so give the guy some criticism, it's the best thing an artist can get.
  • No flaming either! If you disagree with Yahtzee, say why, and then criticize him, preferably constructively.
  • NO ONE POST WONDERS! IF YOU ARE GOING TO REGISTER JUST TO SAY 'LOL YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD, GOOD JOB! BEST ONE YET! LOLOLOOLLOLOLOLOL OR ANYTHING OF THAT NATURE....DON'T! If you register, make your post worthwhile, because one post wonders have an opinion that is worth practically NOTHING, if you make an account, browse the other forums, or just do something other than kiss Yahtzee's ass!
  • SERIOUSLY! NO ASS KISSING!
  • The Ass kissers are worse than the flamers, the flamers still actually contribute by giving (whether it be good or bad) criticism, ass kissers just make the thread grow until it bursts with bile! DON'T DO IT!

    Thanks for listening! Chances are this will be completely ignored anyway! Happy posting!

    You can go suck a dick. It is not your place to enforce these rules, allow the stupids to have their fun; that way you don't send them into a spiral of depression and have law suites shoved up your ass. I really hate it when people take it upon their self to enforce the supposed rules. Contact a mod if you want a message put out, that way you'll only sound a dick in front of him.

    Haha, Dead Alive. I wish I had seen that one, unfortunately my friend was only borrowing the DVD, so I only got to watch The Toxic Avenger and Killer Klowns from Outer Space out of that bunch. Seen a few clips though. Funny as hell. Anyway, I remember hearing about this game way back when. I remember something about a sequel, too. So they're good, huh? Maybe I'll check it out when I get the time, though I doubt I'll be able to find the PC version..

    Wonder if he'll start giving shout-outs to the indie scene, it's where he's from after all. 'Everyday Shooter' just hit Steam and it's as awesome as ever.

    One of the biggest things Lester Bangs ever did for music as a critic was give support to low key bands and push the real talent to the front of the parade. Here's hoping...

    Haven't played it, but I hear it's got a serious case of "I Wish I was Serious Sam."

    Btw, new site = For the Lose.

    If I have to unblock all your adsites on my Noscript, you're doing it wrong.

    runs on explorer

    Good review; shame we had to wait nearly 3 extra hours for it. Since I enjoyed Black (another first person shoot-the-hell-out-of-everything-er) I might consider hunting that down.

    Nice to see that you can start with being positive games again too.

    Endless forum blathering and noise aside, this game sounds awesome. The reasons for your praise resound well with me, especially since I'm playing a game that fits the criteria just nicely, albeit on a much smaller scale. The game I'm being all gushy over is Contra III, the pinnacle of "Blow Shit Up Or Die Trying" shooters of the old generation. Contra III is precisely what every game should be like:

    A) "Here asshole, here's an objective, go accomplish it."
    B) "Oh, while you're at it, here's a metric fuck-ton of challenge in the way."
    C) "Don't worry man, you can do crazy awesome shit like this."

    Games forget that I'm not here to prance around enjoying a carefully crafted story presentation whilst pressing buttons. I'm here to kick ass, solve puzzles, do something, and I want it to be interesting in the process, ya know? It seems the basic meat and potatoes of games, the objective, the challenge, and the cool stuff, are lost amidst 'innovation', 'thrilling next-gen graphics' and whatever other PR dribble comes out of developers' frothing mouths.

    And here you describe a game that is exactly what a game should be. An objective that isn't solvable by a retarded monkey and is solvable by means that are totally awesome and entertaining. Every game should have a gun that shoots lightning bolts and shurikens or the equivalent thereof.

    I'm a fan of games that allow you to kill enemies in fun ways, yes, but I find something wrong with myself when I start thinking "Oh geez, now I need to go through all this runny-gunny-shoot-'em-up crap just to get to the story stuff?" during a session of Half-Life 2.

    Nevertheless, good review. A little optimism is nice every now and then.

    What happened to the old reviews? Will they be re-added to the site later on?

    Hoping for a Fallout 3 and S.T.A.L.K.E.R Clear sky review this autumn. :)

    Hooray for Painkiller, "kill everyone in the universe" FPSes are far too rare these days. Yeah, it wants to be Serious Sam, but it's not like we're drowning in the genre.

    If it's criticism Yahtzee wants, it's criticism he'll get.

    I feel that this weeks review isn't as good as some of the others; as Yahtzee says himself, he's not as funny when he's giving out praise. Jokes seemed a bit sub-par, which might have been all right if this was a constructive review of a game anyone's ever heard of*. Of course, I wouldn't want zero-punctuation to lose all concept of being a source of proper reviews, but let's face it, Yahtzee didn't become popular because of a deep level of game analysis.

    Ah well, still better than 95% of the internet.

    *Though it's nice to think of people buying the game just because of this review.

    KBKarma:
    I CANNOT, for the life of me, get the video to run. Using Opera 9.50 beta, build 10005.

    Also, why was the Escapist dying every so often?

    Let's see. Wednesday, round about noon. Yep. A tidal wave of traffic pouring in to see Yahtzee vent himself over a new game.

    I'd like to say that's the only time that The Escapist has problems, but this is the only time of the week I even come here.

    Seriously. Does anyone else ever look at The Escapist any other time of the week?

    I mean besides to watch ZP reruns.

    JamesR:
    Haven't played it, but I hear it's got a serious case of "I Wish I was Serious Sam."

    Btw, new site = For the Lose.

    If I have to unblock all your adsites on my Noscript, you're doing it wrong.

    I have NoScript, and it runs only allowing escapistmagazine.com, warcry.com and quantserve.com through. I might try taking quantserve.com off and see what happens.

    Nothing can beat the bee-hands of Bioshock.
    And i never get anywhere in this game because i overuse the weedwhacker gun and laugh maniacally

    Huh. I missed the game the first time around. I recall it was released right before my switch from PC to Mac. Now that I switched from Mac to PC, I guess I'll give the game another try, especially since the Gold Pack's 9.99$ on Steam.

    Go back to the old player please, first it was audio lagging behind and now it's sound switching between stereo and left ear only.

    I feel slightly dissapointed that there wasn't any references to all-county cocksucking championships, or tropheys there abouts.

    KBKarma:
    I CANNOT, for the life of me, get the video to run. Using Opera 9.50 beta, build 10005.

    Also, why was the Escapist dying every so often?

    Ctrl+f5 worked for me on firefox... movie didnt load before, hope this helps :)

    Dude, that was sweet. But, yeah, you have to get the latest player to run before you can see this. It seems the installer wasn't bundled with the runnable.

    Here's the steps:

    [FlowPlayer is a flash player. You do not need to download or install it]

    It's on steam for 10$, the video trailer makes it looks like a serious sam clone, a game I loved. So for 10 bucks even if its not as good as Yahtzee says its not a huge loss

    I loved the comment at the end about not reviewing Mariokart for the Wii. Yartzee, I completly agree with you!
    Amazing review this week, as evey :D

    nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

    ok i better stop now before i get banned

    Yahtzee has dropped the C-bomb Crikey.

    British accent = cool sophisticated cynical
    Australian = freaky references to the crocidile hunter and kangaroo jack

    great now I'm going to have nighmares

    Awesome retro, makes me want to play the game again.

    I really liked the gun that fired bullets and rockets though.

    Another wednesday made funnier! :)

    Agreed on the shuriken/lightning gun - that was the badassest-est weapon ever..

    The story was tolerable, though you had to be sleep-deprived or worse for it to make sense.

    Painkiller is one for the phew FPS i enjoy and still play every now and then. I just miss the old days were it was just get from a to b through Massive group of monsters Z using what ever weapons you want. If they left the story line at that and the cut sences out i would love this game so much.

    Thanks Yahtzee for taking the time to route around for a game in the dry period of gaming caladers for a lovely if not small gem.

    AJwins:

    ElArabDeMagnifico:
    As one of the first few to post in this thread, I would like to establish some "implied yet unwritten" rules/guidelines, because I'm not a mod and I don't expect everyone to follow these, but for the greater good of this thread, PLEASE follow them as best as you can! -and Remember, I am condemning out of love, not hate (sort of)

  • NO ASS KISSING! Yahtzee hates it when people call flawed work flawless, so give the guy some criticism, it's the best thing an artist can get.
  • No flaming either! If you disagree with Yahtzee, say why, and then criticize him, preferably constructively.
  • NO ONE POST WONDERS! IF YOU ARE GOING TO REGISTER JUST TO SAY 'LOL YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD, GOOD JOB! BEST ONE YET! LOLOLOOLLOLOLOLOL OR ANYTHING OF THAT NATURE....DON'T! If you register, make your post worthwhile, because one post wonders have an opinion that is worth practically NOTHING, if you make an account, browse the other forums, or just do something other than kiss Yahtzee's ass!
  • SERIOUSLY! NO ASS KISSING!
  • The Ass kissers are worse than the flamers, the flamers still actually contribute by giving (whether it be good or bad) criticism, ass kissers just make the thread grow until it bursts with bile! DON'T DO IT!

    Thanks for listening! Chances are this will be completely ignored anyway! Happy posting!

    Yeah, because a non-mod posting "What not to do or you'll piss off Yahtzee" isn't kissing any ass at all.

    Touche. By the way he forgot to add 'Stop trying to use the smartest sounding vocab you can in an attempt to be like Yahtzee'

    Crap_haT:
    I'm not going to lie, that was a good review. Made me laugh more than ususal. Also, I have been having some loading problems. Has the Escapist had an update or change?

    ElArabDeMagnifico:
    As one of the first few to post in this thread, I would like to establish some "implied yet unwritten" rules/guidelines, because I'm not a mod and I don't expect everyone to follow these, but for the greater good of this thread, PLEASE follow them as best as you can! -and Remember, I am condemning out of love, not hate (sort of)

  • NO ASS KISSING! Yahtzee hates it when people call flawed work flawless, so give the guy some criticism, it's the best thing an artist can get.
  • No flaming either! If you disagree with Yahtzee, say why, and then criticize him, preferably constructively.
  • NO ONE POST WONDERS! IF YOU ARE GOING TO REGISTER JUST TO SAY 'LOL YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD, GOOD JOB! BEST ONE YET! LOLOLOOLLOLOLOLOL OR ANYTHING OF THAT NATURE....DON'T! If you register, make your post worthwhile, because one post wonders have an opinion that is worth practically NOTHING, if you make an account, browse the other forums, or just do something other than kiss Yahtzee's ass!
  • SERIOUSLY! NO ASS KISSING!
  • The Ass kissers are worse than the flamers, the flamers still actually contribute by giving (whether it be good or bad) criticism, ass kissers just make the thread grow until it bursts with bile! DON'T DO IT!

    Thanks for listening! Chances are this will be completely ignored anyway! Happy posting!

    You can go suck a dick. It is not your place to enforce these rules, allow the stupids to have their fun; that way you don't send them into a spiral of depression and have law suites shoved up your ass. I really hate it when people take it upon their self to enforce the supposed rules. Contact a mod if you want a message put out, because then you'll only sound a dick in front of him.

    NO!... Don't flame him... your only proving his point!

    Although Serious Sam is a similar concept, it's far worse for being monotonous, slow (especially when you have to walk 2 miles to get to anywhere), and uninspiring. 95% of battles in that were just shooting large swarms of the same enemy with enevitably a shotgun.

    Hedberger:
    What happened to the old reviews? Will they be re-added to the site later on?

    Yes, all the old reviews will be added.

    The issues today were due to a mixup with the caching code and the new sections of the site. Everything should be quick now.

    Xen Monkey:
    I actually bought Painkiller soon after if came out, and it was pretty fun. (Though yeah. Story = Shit).

    I thought it was a shame that most people probably didn't get to the last level, because IIRC the level design was fucking amazing.

    Must see if I have it at home anywhere still...

    Oh yes, definitely. I think it was one of the best and most original interpretations of hell I've seen in any media. :>

    Surprising review, but accurate. Painkiller boils the genre down its core parts and pulls those off fantastically well. Just...you know, don't expect anything else.

    I'm using IE7 and I cannot get the video to work. Does this have to do with the new format? This is the first time I can't get the video to work.

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