Zero Punctuation: Eve Online

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Doesn't look like much fun, trying to find a decent space/planet exploration game, but, not many choices around. Anyways, great review, and, the skill trees would fry my brain.

I tried the game thanx to the beautyful ships. It was a mistake. Most of the time i was watching the game play itself. Seriously, i was sitting watching TV and once in a while checking wether my ship was still mining ore or already was filled up ready to go. And my goal at that point (being in one of these corporations) was to get a bigger ship to mine even more ore to get a bigger ship to mine more... you get the point. This was just broken up by enormously booooring traveling between stations: Klick jumpgate. Wait until you reached jumpgate and jumped. Fly to next jumpgate. Wait until you reached jumpgate and jumped. Fly to station. Wait until you reached station. Sell ore. Fly back to jumpgate.... WUAAAAH!

14 day free trial? didnt even last an hour, ive never uninstalled anything that fast in my entire life lol

lord667:

KiiWii:

what if your eyes boiled out of your head right now?
Told you it could get ridiculous ;)

Well, I can't imagine playing MMO's in Braille so it could do wonders for my social life.

Hahah xD
Tell you what thought, you probably could play EVE in Braille, its pretty text based. It'd take freaking ages though. =]

Eve is the game that made me look upon WoW more favorably.

I don't feel accomplished once I've attained something big in a game. If I didn't have fun getting there I just feel I've wasted time. Frankly, WoW isn't anywhere close to perfect either but it is significantly better than Eve.

AdamAK:

PxDn Ninja:

and in terms of training, I can get my equipment long before you would have the skills to use the Battleships stuff. Just about every aspect of the game is deep and has many different things to consider, similar to a tactics RPG.

As for being unfair, the hardcore players are rewarded where casuals are not in the terms of money. While most games are level based, Eve is money based. You can train for years, be able to sit in the largest, most armored ship, with the best weapons for that ship, and still be stuck in a frigate because you play casually and never will amass the billions of isk needed to afford what you trained for, while the hardcore player will have a hangar filled with different cruisers, battleships, a capital ship, and other variants, thus being prepared for any situation. All because they play a lot and can afford the nice items.

How exactly would you get your equipment ready before I'd have my battleship stuff? Unless you are somehow able to defy time itself. Oh, and money isn't really an issue if you're in one of those fancy corporations or if you have a friend who's willing to donate some money.

So your the small ship with the advantage, until that battleship either A: Kicks on a webber and causes your ship to slow to well within it's targeting speeds, B: Deploys drones for close range defense that can easily keep up with you,

Nice one. You just said that the bigger guns don't always win, and now you say that they pretty much do.

Huzzah, I can be a lazy bum and still achieve the same as others. It's fairness all over the place!

For your first point, it is quite simple. You start in a small frigate with gun skills, Battleships take upwards of a month to sit in, another month for the skills to use the guns, and yet another month to use the modules to fight against a frigate who spent just half that time powering up their guns and modules.

Also, frigates are cheaper than battleships, thus they will have an easier time outfitting their ship.

And I didn't say the bigger guns always win. I said in those options was to either force the other ship to slow to your guns tracking speed (so the big gun can win), deploy drones, who use small guns (thus, small guns win), or pull an ally in, who can be using any sort of gun, because the frigate will be on you so they can just distance themselves as needed and open fire (gun doesn't matter). These are just a few of the options available to a battleship in this situation anyhow.

It all depends what you're going for i guess.
Seriously, did no-one play space4k? Real simple EVE? no? It was the kind of thing you just went on every now and again to build a ship or something, but the timescale was smaller, like hours.

EvE online is not so much a space game as it is an economic simulation

From the fourteen day trial (I actually played two, about 6-9 months apart) I can safely say that *this* is entirely true. It's all well and good to have a deep PvP aspect with corporations and the territory control aspect but a lot of people on a trial won't see this. I know I didn't. I played the fourteen days and realised that as far as the game went for me, it was fly->shoot->loot->fly->sell and repeat. The only thing that kept me going was that next ship and that is something that you see in every MMO, just replacing "ship" with your equipment of choice be it sword, gun, lightsaber or Titan class starship. My friend played EVE a lot longer than I did and he thoroughly enjoyed it. I'm not nearly rich enough as a student to pay for two MMO subscriptions (WoW and EVE) at the same time, so I chose that which I had known and loved, that being WoW.

I'm not saying that the 'grind' is all EVE is. I recognise it's other aspects (those mentioned before, the giant scale PvP, corporations and economy control) but in the fourteen days you simply don't see that. It's a flaw not with the game but with the trial system itself. If they extended it to a month perhaps then people may be more inclined to get into a player run corp, see EVE for what it can be rather than the initial impression. At the trial's current length of fourteen days you get almost exactly what Yahtzee described which is pretty close to my impressions. Fly around for a while, shoot some stuff and return. I hope the EVE developers take what Yahtzee said as constructive criticism to help improve the game, I really do.

Yathzee made my day... with including a bunch of dragons... and cute one at this too. Now a game with this bugger I would play ( pets cutie dragon :D ).

What goes for EVE... I never liked it before... I didn't like it anymore now... and I'm not going to like it better in the future. It's an MMO... this already qualifies it as a failure ( unless miracles still happen in this world :D )

Finally a good review of a boring game.

Well Done Yatz.

The "you must be at least this awesome"-sign was brilliant ^^

Sylocat:
Now that I think of it, the first comment about how having maps makes everything boring is really quite accurate. One of the main reasons I think fiction about uncharted islands does so well is that we like the idea of having something on Earth that's still a mystery, some place we have to explore, where we don't know what's coming.

Just a thought.

Plus logically, the less of X you have, the greater value X must be. Take the old RPG's, like Chrono Trigger, where all the graphics were painted and then entered into a pixel-engine by hand. Certainly not going to waste time with a random fucking mountain just for the extra bulletpoint on the back of the box.
You can say the same for a lot of parts of gaming actually. Enemies? MMO hordes vs the much less numerous and much more interesting enemies in Shadow of the Colossus.
Quality > quantity. People will replay the same good thing (a boss-fight, a minigame in Zelda, anything by popcap) over and over; nobody cares about sixty hours of shit if it's SIXTY HOURS OF *SHIT*.

Thank-you, Thank-you, THANK-YOU Yahtzee for letting me know that I'm not stupid in not liking EVE in the slightest...

My boyfriend has been addicted to EVE for months and I've watched him spending god knows how much money getting more and more immersed in what I see as a game with little or no mental stimulation; now I feel more confident telling him it is indeed a waste of his precious youth/money now that I know an actual GAMER thinks so too...

...The funny thing is, he actually defended it!! how do I get him off it for God's sake??

Why does he insist on reviewing old stuff instead of stuff like Ratchet and Clank: Quest for Booty?

katerina_delicious:
...The funny thing is, he actually defended it!! how do I get him off it for God's sake??

I wouldn't be too quick to get him off EVE Online. It may not be a great game in terms of actual gameplay quality, but it amuses from an external virtual community standpoint.

More importantly, you level-up in EVE Online at the same rate whether you're online or off. You might pry your significant other off EVE Online, but if he starts playing another MMORPG where all the leveling happens online, there'll be significantly less time for romance. ;)

Hah, that's exactly what I thought about EVE.

I feel this was a much better video than others you have produced recently. Definately because it focuses on the game, the whole reason for the game review anyway, and keeps it as the main subject rather than a stab at marketing/online social interactions/gaming theory. Which I am glad about and also disappointed with at the same time.

Because I have seen you tackle gaming theory, but unfortunately I don't think there is much room for comedy in that field. A comedic open mind, yes, but not comedy itself. Take for example the recent Soul Calibur review. I could certainly explain why people enjoy and continue to buy and play fighting games, its actually very easy to grasp and completely free of cynicism, but that's the boring stuff of University nerds, not the fun Python-bred nerds.

So what I am saying is - good job. Keep on about the games, not theory. Because theory just isn't funny since there IS an explanation to every punchline, and when you disarm the punchline, comedy falls apart.

Great review, rubbish intro.

Indigo_Dingo:
Why does he insist on reviewing old stuff instead of stuff like Ratchet and Clank: Quest for Booty?

That game was everything I wanted out of a short and sweet PSN game.

and more.

Indigo_Dingo:
Why does he insist on reviewing old stuff instead of stuff like Ratchet and Clank: Quest for Booty?

simple my friend, most of the new stuff is crap, and there is an ocean of old crap to sift thru

After watching someone play this game and have them explain it to me, this review hits it spot on. Yes, MMORPGs are work, but this game makes it seem like slavery. I would be paying to turn my computer off and walk away so I could level up? I would have to be a nerd who has penis envy (in which case I make up for it with a high level) or a complete idiot to go for that.

geldonyetich:

katerina_delicious:
...The funny thing is, he actually defended it!! how do I get him off it for God's sake??

I wouldn't be too quick to get him off EVE Online. It may not be a great game in terms of actual gameplay quality, but it amuses from an external virtual community standpoint.

More importantly, you level-up in EVE Online at the same rate whether you're online or off. You might pry your significant other off EVE Online, but if he starts playing another MMORPG where all the leveling happens online, there'll be significantly less time for romance. ;)

are you kidding me?! as far as i can tell EVE is a free time death trap, you go in and you spend more time in teh staions fiddling with stats, i question that BF of hers in picking video games over beign with ur GF or any significant other person

The_root_of_all_evil:
Great review, rubbish intro.

befor you guys ask or do the same to me i just found the quote thing on the....things

and i agree with him the intros were better befor the rock thing came along

I liked the concept of EVE when I played the trial, but everything he said in the review is pretty much true. If I had to whine like a "what nerds are to nerds" though, I would say that Yahtzee was a little out of it to think that simple combat was the main focus. Heck, I bet you could take it out of the game entirely and you'd still have a pretty neat package.

I can't tell whether PvP is broken or really good in this game because I see interceptors take out battleships within an hours span.

Wow, I have never seen anything like that before. I get that interceptors are tough to track, but a battleship? I have 3 interceptors, only one is armed with anything. Sounds like another UFO Jove sighting to me (eve nerd joke).

[NSFW]

Too lazy to read all of this, but for anyone who wanted the "delightful porn" mentioned in the video go here: "http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Yahtzee".

Scroll about halfway down the page and-BAM!-there it is on the right.

[/NSFW]

I wasn't looking forward to another MMO review but this one made me laugh. Well done as always.

i love eve but i have to agree with most of what is said in this vid especially the part about one decent alien rece would make it so much better

also you did not tell us your user name and race so we can find you and kill you

Another great episode.

Top notch.

I play City of Heroes (and City of Villains) I wonder if he'll come rip them a new one some day. I know one thing he'll finally not be able to criticize. The character designer. CoH has no equipment that's visible and has the best character designer out there. You can make anything! lol I just made a pirate cyborg that can leap over a building in a single bound and shoots radiation out his eyes.

Right idea, but late to the ball. Space was already made boring by Master of Orion III. Nothing like a game that quite literally plays itself.

You can customize the colonization and production of worlds you explore, but then the computer takes over for you anyway and makes the world more like the way IT wants it to be, negating the entire premise of customizable worlds.

Negotiation between alien races only involves clicking the correct response to the appropriate race every single time you talk (not unlike always insulting a Klingon, always being a tool to a Vulcan, and always buying a beer for a Terran).

Battle ships are customizable but it doesn't matter because long range weapons in space allow combat while they are still lo-res 2600-era dots on your screen, and by the time the "action" zooms in enough to see the ships, the battle's already over because, yes, the computer fights those for you too.

What's the point in buying a game to play when the computer does all the work and you feel so utterly disconnected from the experience that you literally do not know what your empire is doing from one turn to the next?

So Eve is really just what would happen if MoO3 and WoW had a love child together.

I don't entirely agree with the points raised, as a trial-user myself, but I can see many of the arguments offered - EVE's revolutions and what makes it unique is in the metagame that surrounds it - the subterfuge, the corporations, etcetera. However, he's right that the game itself is, in many cases, absolutely fucking boring.

And with a week or two to review a game, it was obvious what flaws were going to be noticed.

Best part about this - the number of people saying "Yes, it rewards people who give up their lives to play it." I think it's pretty obvious by now that Yahtzee likes games that are fun and not games that, to quote himself, are like a second job.

Ah, another MMORPG. Are there any of those fucking things that are worth coffee beans shat out of a cat's ass?

Frankly, I'm probably more biased against MMO's that even Yahtzee as I detest internet chat rooms and playing a shitty game attached to a chat room sounds like a special created just for me. Well, isn't that sweet.

Although, I have to admit that the people online are a mere annoyance that could be overlooked like a yeast infection that only itches occasionally if I found the game worth play, and no, I don't. All of that RPG tomfoolery can go fuck themselves and Tom, too. I detest creating a character, picking stats, skill, equipment, underpants, etc. I detest completing quest to gain experience to build up my character. Just everything about these things is designed specifically to piss me off. These are not fun things to do. Make the game fun, or fuck off. This is what MMO creators should do.

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