Zero Punctuation: Sonic Unleashed

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I long for the day when Sonic is turned over to people who can make good games.

The only good game Sonic's been in in this generation is Brawl. That makes the Sonic fanboy in me want to cry and cut himself.

Good stuff, good stuff.

Hilarious review(rant). One of the best in weeks.

That said, I keep getting the feeling that Sonic Team CAN make a new, GOOD Sonic game, they just get all the worst ideas of the pot and execute them horribly. I believe that a new good Sonic game is possible, but those responsible for the gameplay concepts must be pants-on-head retarded.

I mean, I liked Sonic Rush, and the two Adventure games, hell, I even thought Heroes was an entertaining romp, despite all the flaws of all these games, but COME ON!!

Also, from my research, game critics from websites and magazines have all stated that they think the Wii version is best because of its differences, and that the motion controls were actually intuitive. Then again, the individual is truly the only one who can decide if he likes the game or not.

And one other point, of course the dialog and acting in recent Sonic games is garbage, its produced by 4KIDS!!! Ever since they got their hands on the Sonic X anime, they've swept up all the Sonic games with their terrible scriptwriting and voice acting, replacing all the decent cast members ever since Heroes and Advance 3. I wish Sonic Team would take the licensing rights away from them...

Allow me to derail the topic ever so slightly, then tie it all back together at the very end.

I am a big fan of science fiction, but definitely not Star Trek. Too clean, too organized. Life in space should not be like that. Instead, I became a fan of the Stargate franchise, which started with a movie by the same name in the mid '90s. Shortly after the movie came Stargate SG-1, a television series continuing the Stargate mythos for a good 10 years. Shortly after the 200th episode of SG-1, it was announced that the series would soon be canceled. I will admit, I was disappointed, but let's look at the numbers here. Over 200 episodes, ten seasons over ten years with no sabbaticals, breaking a Guinness Book of World Records record for longest running sci-fi television series (continuous). It had a great run and it was time to retire the old work horse and hand off the fame to its younger sister Stargate Atlantis.

Would I have been happy if the show kept running? Yes, but for how long? How long would it take for the magic to be gone? How long would it take until the show became unbelievable (well, more unbelievable than aliens, super-heavy nuclear material, and two story tall rings that ship you halfway across the galaxy)?

I don't know who said it, but it pretty much sums up this little tangential comment: "Always leave the audience wanting more."

Nah, I was ready to call Rush terrible. But I really liked it. Sonic games have always kinda played themselves to a certain degree, and you sit back and enjoy the spectacle. This one was just faster then the others, and was focused on evoking a certain, well, Rush. And for some reason I don't entirely understand myself, I honestly enjoyed playing Blaze the Cat. I enjoyed the multiple paths through each level, always felt like I was striveing for the best route, thought the levels were distinctive and unique, the bosses were all very well executed, and with the stylus, it was the first time ever that Ive actually enjoyed the Chaos emerald stages. I would have liked it even without the nostalgia. I think people may not like it for what it was trying to do, but I think its a matter of taste, not the game being bad. It's like when Yahtzee reviews a Fighter, or talks about an MMO: We all certainly enjoy him ripping into the game, and can understand his perspective on them at times, but also understand that his tastes are just contrary to what fighters of MMOs try to do.

Yay rage! Sonic is a dead horse but the Sonic Team just keeps beating him...with baseball bats made out of active grenades that were glued together. Also they're on fire.

Angry angry review....me like!

And for f#cks sake Yahtzee will you please review Far Cry 2 and pour sweet sweet angry love all over it.

Wow that was the harshest videos I have seen him do. And one of the most hilarious ones at the same time. Yahtzee is the man.

Yes Yahtzee the Wii version sucks! Thats because it's the only version not running on the new hedgehog engine!
Go play the spankingly ace 360 or ps3 versions!

Xanadu84:
Nah, I was ready to call Rush terrible. But I really liked it. Sonic games have always kinda played themselves to a certain degree, and you sit back and enjoy the spectacle. This one was just faster then the others, and was focused on evoking a certain, well, Rush. And for some reason I don't entirely understand myself, I honestly enjoyed playing Blaze the Cat. I enjoyed the multiple paths through each level, always felt like I was striveing for the best route, thought the levels were distinctive and unique, the bosses were all very well executed, and with the stylus, it was the first time ever that Ive actually enjoyed the Chaos emerald stages. I would have liked it even without the nostalgia. I think people may not like it for what it was trying to do, but I think its a matter of taste, not the game being bad. It's like when Yahtzee reviews a Fighter, or talks about an MMO: We all certainly enjoy him ripping into the game, and can understand his perspective on them at times, but also understand that his tastes are just contrary to what fighters of MMOs try to do.

Thats because Rush was ace :D and the music was by the same genius that mixed the Jet set radio ost :)

.

drkotaku:
Yes Yahtzee the Wii version sucks! Thats because it's the only version not running on the new hedgehog engine!
Go play the spankingly ace 360 or ps3 versions!

You mean the "spankingly ace" versions that are receiving worse reviews than the Wii version?

Oh yeah, like we didn't see this coming. Sonic seriously does need to be taken behind a shed, along with Crash Bandicoot & Spyro.

This was one of the better ones, nearly makes up for the last, blantly fanboy driven Left4Dead review.

Yeah, he seemed especially pissed off for some reason. I prefer Yahtzee as the smug cynic, instead of the really really pissed off white guy in the funny hat. ;)

Wow...I actually felt the hate in this one, makes up quite nicely for the Left 4 Dead review.

Yo. Yahtzee.

I've been a fan of you for a long time and I have to say this "gamedamage" thing is WAY below you, man. Far far below you. The master chief walking around town? What am I, 12? Oh good here's a Duke Nukem Forever joke this has all kinds of potential... oh... they didn't write a joke... oh well.

Also having the guys laughing at you on the couch? Dude, I love you and I watch your ZP videos every week and will continue to do so, but this gameDamage thing is NOT working out.

drkotaku:
Yes Yahtzee the Wii version sucks! Thats because it's the only version not running on the new hedgehog engine!
Go play the spankingly ace 360 or ps3 versions!

To you and everyone else who says "he should go play the 360/PS3 version", he WAS playing the 360/PS3 version. In his review he stated he was able to change the voice language to Japanese, explore complicated hubs and collect medals in them and levels, have enemies regain their health after failing a QTE move. All of that was different or absent in the Wii/PS2 versions. I'm confused why his review showed the Wii boxart, reguardless. Guess he assumed it was the same in all versions...?*shrugs*

That said this was one the angriest ZP reviews I saw and yet the most entertaining. While I thought the game was simply mediocre, I couldn't help but nod and laugh after every comment Yahtzee made. Kudos!

So, what do you guys think? Would it be humanly possible to breathe new life into the Sonic series?

Actually, now I'm left with another question.. why the heck to people keep praising Sonic Rush? I personally couldn't stand the game. I think someone else in here already pegged the main reason, which was the horrendous level design that sent you flying off into death at a moment's notice or the confusing level design itself that left you wondering where the hell you were for half of the stage. The Sonic Advance games were like that.

The Sonic Adventure 1 and 2 games.. were not like that, which is quite possibly one of the reasons I enjoyed them on the Dreamcast so much. Sonic Heroes.. eh.. Shadow.. good music, interesting idea, but it just felt like they were running Shadow's character through a meat grinder and wrecking his character more than they did Knuckles' by making him listen to Rap constantly (which was stupid).

I still think that it's possible to make a good Sonic game, I'm just not sure where the true fault lies. The people making the games for making them poorly, the fans for buying them regardless, or the company for not LISTENING to what people are saying are making the games unfun.

Poor poor Sonic, he's sucked for a good number of years now, possibly because sonic team can't grasp what a good game is. I actually liked Sonic in 3D back in the Adventure days, but I guess it's nostalgia for my preteen Dreamcast days.

I picked up the 2006 Sonic game, hoping it would rekindle my love for that speed addict, how deeply wrong I was. Ever since then I have vowed never to buy a Sonic game again.

It has just ocurred to me that Sonic cannot be killed off...

With the current obsession with all things zombie, it would only make space for Zombie Sonic 3D or whatever crap the money men at Sega come up with next.

Kill him and bury him: Zombie Sonic 3D.
Kill him and bury him at sea: Zombie Pirate Sonic 3D.
Kill him and bury him in Japan: Zombie Ninja Sonic 3D.
Kill him and bury him at sea in Japanese waters: Zombie Pirate Ninja Sonic 3D.
Shoot him into the sun: Space Sonic 3D.
The list will never end!

As Yahtzee implies never underestimate the buying power of ill-informed grand parents or the people who are prepared to churn out crap products to sell to grand parents with a decades old character on it that even the grand parents will easily recognise.

These people will not stop until we hunt them down and stop them, it is the only option.

JonnWood:

SecretTacoNinja:
Is Sonic dead now? Or are they going to keep trying even if it's futile?...

"If"?

I would love to see the 90's Sonic make a comeback, that stupid big-headed clone has killed the series.

Actually, his head is proportionately smaller than the 2D versions. Compare! Contrast! Contrast more!

Compared to the size of his body, it is huge, along with the longer legs it just looks ridiculous.

MB202:
I happene to be a huge Sonic the Hedgehog fan, yet I agree with everything he just said.

BTW, how long until Yahtzee reviews Mother 3?

Why? Is it coming out outside Japan anytime soon?

'Cause that would be fucking awesome...

I don't think he hates this game unless you see hate as a eufimisme... Funny review but in content about the game not one of his best. Other than that he really really hates it I don't know very much about it. Either he didn't have enough time to bash on it all or he is just losing his touch.

Actually I found Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood on the DS developed by BIOWARE to be surprisingly good, maybe the best Sonic game to come since the old days.

i knew he wasn't going say it was as good as Portal or Psychonaughts but i really didn't expect him to hate it that much. it was great!

Hamster at Dawn:

Yatrix:

Why does this cat pick the stupidest games to review? This game isn't even relevant. I was hoping to hear jokes on the homoeroticism between Marcus and Dom. =)

Agreed, I want a Gears of War review because I actually like the game and also because Yahtzee will rip the shit out of it. It's somehow funnier when he reviews popular games.

It's funnier because the game's actually relevant and you've played it. However, I do love Gears 2 solo campaign. Multi sorta sucks by comparison to G1.

*uche*ollem *uche*ollem

:(
Poor Sonic, I want his games to be good

Yahtzee's gamedamage proyect looks interesting by the way....

I have to say, Yahtzee, out of all your reviews that I've seen, this was by far the most harsh and negative (not that it's a bad thing, I'm just saying).

OH MY SWEET CUCUMBERS! SOMEONE WHO PLAYS A SONIC GAME HAS A BRAIN AND CAN SEE HOW BAD IT IS!!!
Thank you Yahtzee!!! I am not worthy!!~bows~

They did, he has a SWORD NOW!!!
Black Hedgehog = Gun
Blue Hedgehog = Sword

.....oh god......

SecretTacoNinja:

MB202:
I happene to be a huge Sonic the Hedgehog fan, yet I agree with everything he just said.

BTW, how long until Yahtzee reviews Mother 3?

Why? Is it coming out outside Japan anytime soon?

'Cause that would be fucking awesome...

No... But the Fan Translation is finished:

http://mother3.fobby.net/

MB202:

SecretTacoNinja:

MB202:
I happene to be a huge Sonic the Hedgehog fan, yet I agree with everything he just said.

BTW, how long until Yahtzee reviews Mother 3?

Why? Is it coming out outside Japan anytime soon?

'Cause that would be fucking awesome...

No... But the Fan Translation is finished:

http://mother3.fobby.net/

Awwww... you nearly got my hopes up there. I want it on my Gameboy so I can play it at college and not have too worry about it getting deleted...

...Which it has...

Hey! The Sonic Adventure games were good. They're the only good 3D Sonic games... IMHO. Anyway, I did find this one to be, like the Fable II review, a bit more bile filled then usual. He wasn't kidding when he said he needed to unwind.

Sweet I dont have to play yet ANOTHER horrid game! I agree full heartedly and hope someone takes that little rat and only brings him out for the SSB series because everything else is just degrading <even that is degrading but I apriciate the variety of characters available for that game.>(seeing as how this is my first comment and Im hoping someone will enlighten me on the top 5 games I wanted to say) I APRICIATE Yhatzee. His Top 5 Games I am actually trying to find them But so far I know Psychonauts and Portal are two of them and I am happy with these I just started playing portal and find it to be refreshingly amuzing. Thank God at least he isnt like every other Critic Telling us games like To Human and Eve online are good games because some Game designer decided they would suck his cock if he would give them a good review.

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