Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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Granted, but it's way too old to eat.

I wish I had better memory.

granted, you now remember every embarrassing little thing you've ever done...

I wish I was more fabulous

Granted, you become a drag queen.

I wish I had more time to read.

granted...

I wish to meet a guy/gal who's legal name is schlong (I have modest desires in life)...

Granted, but it's your child..

I wish, for an Asari bride..

Granted, but because she's an alien she's taken by the government the moment the ceremony ends, never to be seen again.

I wish to be a better dancer.

Granted. You're now the best in the world...at lap dances.

I wish I had the digestive/cardiovascular system to eat some of Epic Meal Time's signature creations without dying.

Granted, you won't die, but it will hurt like hell nonetheless.

I wish I could drink alcohol without getting wasted.

Granted, it's like drinking water now. In fact, it's EXACTLY like drinking water. All alcoholic drinks turn into water the moment you drink them.

I wish I could get access to the nuclear weapons reserves of Russia and the USA so that my plan to create a nuclear apocalypse can finally be put into action.

Granted, but as soon as you lauch them.. The Rapture happens..

I wish for super strength!

Granted, but you are feared and shunned throughout the societies of the world.

I wish for bi-weekly Jimquisitions!

EDIT: Woot for the new player late to the party?

Granted but he spends every episode mocking you relentlessly.

I wish for cough medicine to taste good.

Granted, in fact it tastes so good that you become addicted to cough medicine and die of an overdose.

I wish for my own plane

Granted, but it doesn't have any wings.

I wish Sony would recant and allow a FFVII remake on PS3.

Granted but it's unavoidably not what everyone hopes it would be.

I wish that dub-step never existed.

Granted, but now all dub-step fans flock to Justin Beiber and promote him relentlessly.

I wish I hadn't made my last post, as I somehow managed to get Sony and Square mixed up. Derp.

Granted. Square never existed. (You monster!)

I wish everyone would stop clamoring for a Final Fantasy VII remake. Final Fantasy V and IX are obviously more deserving.

Granted but now they are clamouring for a remake of X-2.

I wish for more people to like ff 12

Granted, they take your copy.

I wish for bacon.

Granted, but it's inedible because it's from the 12th century.

I wish for a reason.

granted, you find a reason to end it all.

I wish to find acient prothean arifacts..

Granted every artifact is just underwear.

I wish for a hot breakfast.

Granted, it's on the sun. I wish you the best of luck.

I wish I could go to the sun without getting scorched.

Granted, but the Sun is now a Black Hole.

I wish for a packet of Bubbletape Gum With all the Fake colorings and Favours.

Granted but I took a bite out of it while it was wound together.

I wish for Fox News to go away.

Granted, but they make Fox8 (Australia's fox) their main channel now, and for revenge they blow up your EVERYTHING!!!.

I wish for infinite Pepsi Max.

Granted, but now the world is drowned in Pepsi.

I wish for a horse.

Granted. You get Jerry.

I wish for a Master level Destruction spell. I want to rain doom upon my enemies.

Granted but the destruction destroys everything making the Earth uninhabitable. You done goofed.

I wish for fish.

Granted but he is floating.

I wish for a great night.

Granted but there are 5 seconds of the night left.

I wish for a faster internet connection.

Idsertian:
Granted, but now the world is drowned in Pepsi.

Close enough.

OT: Granted, but your only allowed to use it for a minute.

I wish for for a katana.

Granted, but you're unable to take it out of its sheath.

I wish for a leprechaun to come to my front door.

Granted, but he's only there to mug you.

I wish I was content.

Granted, you are now so content that everything falls away from you and you're content being a homeless bum living beneath the sewers with swarms of mosquitos.

I wish for a lightning storm outside the city so that I could watch it.

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