You know you've been on the Escapist too long when...

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Dow Jones is now a sentient, city-razing robot.

I could go for a hair of the dog.

You know what a hobgoblin is.

It's National Tapas Week.

You realize there's only two writers working at the escapist. Steven Bogos and Ron Whitaker...

The tech team consists of either one person or zero people, and you're not sure which.

It's fish for supper.

The attic is crawling with folk singers.

It's 800% off special items.

The coffee is gone.

That's Sir Pete Townshend to you.

They smell cheesy!

Scottish clans have been spotted in Cumberland.

30 minute Minecraft videos just don't have the same allure that they used to

I feel like Fencing.

The new CM only answers to the name Indoril.

Something smells strange in the neighbourhood.

You have the number for the ferret exterminators on speed-dial.

There are serious cases of Athlete's Hand going round.

This has come at an already tense time with the increase in cases of Itchy Septum and Penis Elbow.

There is martial law in Canada.

There's Canadian lawmen in the marshes.

There's more bad guys to shoot.

Nintendo is re-releasing the Wii for some reason.

More games are backwards compatible.

Your buns are really getting tired.

You need a new visor.

Ass replacement hardware is inbound.

It's time to let one rip.

Everyone's mad but you.

Those Goddamn, c***-breath, commie motherf***ers are in the kitchen again, eating the jam.

You realize you've been drinking the wrong flavor of kool-aid

Your new alias is Dinsdale Jellyfish.

There's a huge elephant on the lawn.

Your Godhood just expired.

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