Zero Punctuation: Halo Wars

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Hmm I'll admit that level with the timer was a bit challenging, and i had to play it on the easiest difficulty. All you need to do is pull a massive Scorpion tank rush and then use them to guard the Flood spawns from regenerating, then retrieve and pull your units in from across the map.

Actually, you can easily accomplish this by just building Vultures.. They are available on that map for a good damn reason.. I used only THREE vehicles to complete that map.

Just create three Vultures and upgrade to Mega-Barrage... What you do is do a hit and run tactic on the things that spit at your planes.. You select it to Barrage one, then once it lets the missiles loose you get out of range of the others. You use each Vulture independently on each thing that attacks you. They gain veterancy damn easy as well, at the end all three had two or three stars. For the flying units, you use Cryobomb and Barrage those as well..

L2Play this easy RTS.

Edit: I did this on Legendary easily.. It was so much easier than on Easy.. I mean it, once you learned how to play.

wonder why he chose to review an console RTS.

Funny stuff.
I was wondering when there was going to be a crossover with graham and/or paul from Unskippable.

unskippable guy wasn't TOO bad, it just sounded like he was trying to be like yahtzee. halo wars part was pretty good. i don't blame his for hating strategy games. the only one i ever liked was fire emblem.

Fire emblem was good if only the wii version was beter... The gamboy advanced one is actually really good.

the things wrong with Halo Wars are:
A: console game
B: Halo has sucked in every way since Halo 1
C: console game
D: not made by Blizzard
E: the game's gameplay is primarily based off of a futuristic version of Age of Mythology's gameplay
F: console game
G: not made by Blizzard

Hide behind Starcraft? Look, Starcraft is good and all, but it is like the Halo of RTS, much of its success is due to its appeal to the general public (like... I don't know... Diablo. And Warcraft. And World of Warcraft.) I didn't play TBfME 1, but the second was quite nice in my opinion. And I'm not a hardcore LotR fan, just liked the books and found the movies great, while still reserving the view that others might actually not like it for the pace, escapism or some other reason(s).

Also, Starcraft is in what I call the Fast n' Furious RTS genre. You don't really need much strategy to win. If you're zerg? Zergling rush. If you're Terran? Marine rush. If you're Protoss? Curl up and die, because you won't have time to build up since the waves of Zergs and Marines will steamroll you before you get to build your second Dragoon... That's the same with the Command and Conquer/Red Alert series. They're entertaining, but aren't that much of strategy games... at least not in Multi-player. I like when a strategy game actually require thinking and patience, instead of hot-key memory and catlike reflexes (those belong to FPS).

Strategy games I like? Supreme Commander and Sins of a Solar Empire are high in my list, and both are known for hours of gameplay in a single multiplayer map. Both require you to think of multiple scenarios ahead of time instead of just: "Need 15 collectors so I can start belching up my tank/zerg/whatever rush." You can, if you want, make a rush. But a smart player actually has the possibility of pushing it back with good defense. Still, I believe I'll find some fun in Demigod, since I appreciated the play-style of the Warcraft 3 mod: DotA. It changes the focus of the strategy, but still has its tactical elements there.

Finally, there are very nice TBS out there. Heroes of Might and Magic, King's Bounty or the Total War series, for instance.


i think that more crossovers are needed. i peed my pants when i heard yatzies voice on unskipable, it was bloody fantastic, and the x blades wasnt bad for a first timer. rts's are for people with low self esteam and a god complex!

This video was really funny! ^_^

and who ever said console gaming was crap need's to feel the wath of my pimp hand!!

u are an annoying FANBOY!!! GET OVER IT W.O.W. WHORE

I liked the opening it was very well thought out to the continuation of the last unskipable episode. and to all those "Wow that guy at the beginning really sucked. Why was he trying to be like Yahtzee wha wha wha?" That was the Fucking joke. Very good review i'd say compared to all the assholes selling games at different stores. Example "I loved the Halo games this game fucking pwns the asses off any other games its so sophistecatedly awesome.....all other games should bow down to it."-Stupid Muscular Jock with no Neck.

And you're likely a console fanboy, mad_mick. I do like console games, don't get me wrong, but after your post about "pimp hand" so full of L33T speak it bleeds, it is clear that you don't seem too qualified to call someone a WOW whore (BTW, the least said about how much I dislike WOW, the least death-threats I'll get, so I'm not going there). Anyway, as much as I like consoles, they're freaking expensive in my country. A Wii here is three times the price it is on the US. And games are also 3x more expensive. Sooo... I'm happy with my PC.

There's a reason nobody watches unskippable.. When I put my dolls together and make them do funny voices and post it on youtube - nobody watches. Why? Because it's boring. Lets please keep that loser out of Escapist's guide.

Actually, that is incorrect. A lot of people watch Unskippable. There are plenty of people who find it funny in the MST3K way. What's funny is the people who don't find it entertaining watch it anyway to make assanine criticisms in the comments, which then just encourages more people to watch, which allows Escapist to continue to pay them.

wonder why he chose to review an console RTS.

And that's another fun point - he chose Halo Wars to review to piss on all the rabid people trying to force him to play Starcraft, Warcraft 3 or Red Alert 3. He hates being told what to review, so when people push him to do it, he totally screws with them.

What was up with the imps at the end?

Anyway, it was awesome and also by the way. I am going to throw an RTS title at you

Starcraft! Play the second one when it comes out! I command thee!

Why? The first one wasn't all that great, if he iddn't like Halo Wars I'd doubt he would even remotely like a StarCraft game. Though I love strategy games, rarely is an RTS game worth the time to play, the only ones I've ever liked was Z by Bitmap brothers, Company of Heroes, Sid Meier's Gettysburg, and most resently Empire Total War.

Try "Dragon Age" when it comes out. If it dosent' get you interested in RTSRPGs then just stick with what you know & like (except for the reviews in which you're forced to play games you don't).

Halo Wars sucked, so I agree with him.
For some reason, I wanted him to bash Halo Wars more than he did in the review.

Man if he really did review Stormrise... would be the funniest review ever.
And he should review DOW2 and Starcraft 2( when it comes out). I want to see his opinions. I like DOW2 but I won't care if he bases it, it'd still be fun to watch him bash a game I love (like he did to SMBB)

Actually, that is incorrect. A lot of people watch Unskippable. There are plenty of people who find it funny in the MST3K way. What's funny is the people who don't find it entertaining watch it anyway to make assanine criticisms in the comments, which then just encourages more people to watch, which allows Escapist to continue to pay them.

I agree. Also, this is the reason why the Dub sketch of Whose Line Is It Anyway was so funny, and why Abridged Series are starting to show up everywhere. If you can deliver, you can make something awful become extremely funny (specially because it was, in fact, awful), then it's entertainment. And what's wrong with that?

Anyway, it was just classic of Yahtzee to bash JRPG clishés when he made his participation. "This girl's voice is too deep" and "This little boy's voice is too feminine" is classic!

Oh god this might be my new favorite episode of ZP. The beginning with Graham reviewing X-Blades, the line about the arbitrary time limit, the weird ending with the imps, good stuff. Definitely beats most of the April Fools jokes I've seen this year to death. (Although that Brawl with blood effects one by IGN was pretty....interesting)

But if Yahtzee is really that desperate for some kind of "unique game" I could just point towards Deadly Creatures and MadWorld like I usually do with Yahtzee related issues. The guy barely touches upon the Wii anymore and for someone looking for something that doesn't feature gritty space marines in armor to skip over a game where you play as a scorpion and slay giant predators or a game in black and white that lets you launch zombies from a catapult into the side of the moon? Is he sure he's very much aware of the hypocrisy he spreads anymore?

Tanks over spartans any day

Would look forward to more Pedigree Chum. Could be The Escapist's new sleeper hit.

good review.

I love RTS:s but the halo rant about stupid timers and fucked up arbitrary missions just hit home way too much.

jesus all the times i've wanted to scream against the screen for whatever BS they put in the campaign in various games. and the thing about bunker + mass tanks no matter the story...

halo wars in a sense represents a retrogarde of all that was bad in RTS campaign building with some extra added.

too bad yathzee doesnt do MP because that's where RTSes really shine. Solo mode is mostly for story and learning about the units.

Oh man, the last line in this killed me. Best review in a while.

Dorian Cornelius Jasper:
Would look forward to more Pedigree Chum. Could be The Escapist's new sleeper hit.

I'm partial to more imp reviews, myself. They should review Purina Chum next time round.

I loved it!
2 reviews for the price of one(three if you count the gremlin one).


very funny review, but picking a console RTS as your first might not have done the genre justice, I can only imagine that playing your first RTS on a console would be like watching your first porn with your parents...

There seems to be 3 types of people posting here: console fanboys proclaiming the messiah and making sure to remind us about the LT button & D-pad, RTS trolls who ask the question, "u liek starcraft/warcraft?" while blithely ignoring a sea of good RTS games, and yahtzee fans who hate unskippable.

So console guys: Mice own consoles, and that's why there have never been cross-platform game competitions. Would it kill you to admit that perhaps the PC is superior? PS there is nothing innovative about console rts, it's been tried and your thumb is just not as dexterous as my wrist.

Warcraft/starcraft guys: Play a sophisticated RTS or shut-up you make the rest of RTS games look shitty with your "blizzard is god," spam. Good RTS games have innovative features like veterancy, starcraft is ignoring all the features of recent RTS and relying on it's story and fan-base to sell. So go play Homeworld, Sins of a Solar Empire, Company of Heroes, or the BFME series and gain some apprecation for complex game features.

Yahtzee fans: Shut up, you liked it and you just don't want to admit it. Yeah the other fella isn't as good at it, but it's not his day job either.

I was going to make a significant comment about Unskippable but after 16 pages it'll probably just get lost in the mire.. meh, never the less; slow down, I couldn't even comprehend the babble twice.. and just because you're ranting doesn't mean you have to scream the last word of the last sentence close to the end of the human hearing range.

Great. I thought both crossovers were handled very well, although you have to have seen the Unskippable section to understand what was going on. Still, I'm up for most things so it didn't surprise me anyway!

Seth Green-class review!Awesome!

The best part was the evil imp reviewing Pedigree Chum

Hmmm, the first Zero Punktuation which was complete nonsence to me. First there was some wierd review on X-blades. I don't know, but i got the fealing, that it is made by a freaking God of War fanboy. What's so bad about having a game like God of War? I mean even God of War isn't the first game of that type. Especially if you're a dinosaur like me, you've played titles like Golden Axe and Street of Rage. Copying concepts isn't bad as long as you do it right. X-Blade failed on that, but i liked that the freaking monsters swarmed you like nerds would swarm a virgin whore in a vietnamese red light district. A little Serios Sam Style gaming can't be wrong and it at least gave me the feeling, that there was some kind of competition. But there wern't any. It was no problem to cut the attacking swarms into little pieces before they even got a chance to take the virginity of the protagonists ass, which leads to the next problem: What is so god damn bad about watching female asses shacking? It sounds a little wierd to me, that the "God of War"-fanboy prefered to watch an alomst naked guy instead of an almost naked girl. OK, in the end of the game, you ask yourself "Wouldn't it be cheaper to watch porn on the internet?" Answer: "It defenitly would!" The game itself is just a short running through stupid levels. Basicly if you fail on completing the game in less than 6 hours you wern't able to get off your attention of some shacking ass. But that's something, which makes me really wonder. Is that game supposed to do that? I think yes. It's some short time action game, which makes you able to watch a female ass. Also it allows you to avoid conflict with your girlfriend, because of staring at some female ass for a too long time, because it's just a game (for her). I'd say the game is not good, but OK if you can blast the money for one evening of playing. But if a girlfriend would cost 40 bugs per evening i would defenitly fire her.

The other Review. Halo Wars! My first question about that would be: What is Halo? Halo is a Xbox game of the first hour. It's a mainstream shooter, which got a story. So it has a main problem: Any following parts of the game does not have to be good to feed the fans. And if you talk about Halo fans, then you have fans which are feeded so fat, that they can't move to another game and keep playing the same crap over and over again to feed them even more. It's sounds disappointing to me, when people even consider to review games like that, because the probability of getting hit by a meteor in the shower while singing opera is higher than that a mainstream game with an endless story is anything good. So please take that request serious: Don't ever review games again, that don't even got the potential to be anything worth it playing.

Not bad, pretty funny. Good try unskippable guy!

Yeah I didnt think the first guy was funny.It seemed he tried to hard to be like Yahtzee, and sorry but for me it didnt work... I come and watch Yahtzee every week, I thought his RE5 review was very funny, the halo wars was o.k. Hopefully this, other people reviewing, was just a one time thing.

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