Zero Punctuation: Splatterhouse

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 NEXT
 

lol and wtf at the Mr. Drummond reference.

bjj hero:
I really don't like this sort of game. There are just far too many of them. Its dull. congrats for not mentioning GOW though...

Game needs to to be just a little bit GOOD to get the LGOWB tag.

Ahhhhh.... Just like a remake of Tron and the Star Wars 'sequels', the remake of Splatterhouse is yet another cruel buggering of my childhood memories.

I remember when the TurboGrafix16 came out and it was like "holy shit this thing blows Nintendo out of the water - just look at those freaking graphics!". And Splatterhouse had all the right elements to take full advantage of it - it was dripping with gore and pre-adolescent angst. The sounds actually sounded like something, and the graphics actually looked like what they claimed to be. Plus it was on that expensive new system that you had to RENT at the video store because your cheap parents wouldn't buy you one. Sure, the game was juvenile, low on plot, had bad controls, was hard and repetitious as hell, and ultimately wasn't good or rewarding, but dammit you were beating monsters in the face with a chainsaw and damn wasn't that fun!

But why re-make it if it isn't going to be good? Also all the juvenile appeal of that original game has been repeated and exceeded by countless games since, so who exactly did the designers think they were appealing to? The current generation of young gamers? There's nothing new here for them that they haven't seen 1,000 times already. The original Splatterhouse fans? They're middle-aged at this point and realize that the orignial game sucked and this one will too.

Poorly conceived, poorly executed garbage. Kind of like new Tron and new Star Wars.

Who is Lee Drummand?

bjj hero:
I really don't like this sort of game. There are just far too many of them. Its dull. congrats for not mentioning GOW though...

The GOW mentio is so subtle. He says Wad Of Gore Twice.

"In classic wad of gore fashion, you can grab weakened enemies to do finishing moves,"

Flip Wad of gore around a bit and what do you get.......

God of war --- With a spare (e)

"And put your dick in all kinds of magical things. Sometimes I like going to hospitals for terminally ill children and just rubbing it in."

~Zero Punctuation, 2010

Out of context quoting shall be your downfall, Croshaw.

"Sometimes I like going to hospitals for terminally ill children and just rubbing it in"... this and " Desert Bus for Hope"... All in the same site :P

I haven't played the previous installments so apart from a few BIG HUGE MAJOR DEVELOPMENT flaws i enjoy this game

1; loading times
2; repetative 'splatter kills' either head pop head stretch or torso rip or arm rip
3; lame anti climatic end boss fight
4; those glowing blue licker esq things (the worst concieved enemy for a while !)

YATHZEE how could you not mention the loading screens and those glowie blue guys ??!

my fave bits of this game where the impaling sections a bit tricky at first (the high mounted spikes) but the anal probe seats where a good move )

give the game a chance you might like it :)

now on to enslaved finally :P

Dammit.. I wanted this one, if only because it's the only game smart enough to get cool thrash/crossover/death metal bands like Municipal Waste and The Accused on the soundtrack.
SERIOUSLY, ROCK BAND. I. WANT. MUNI WASTE.

Some Random Tosser:

rickicker:
That's just his schtick, man. I mean, hey, he poked at MY buttons with his whole "YMCA" thing, but I still recognize comedy for what it is, no matter how dark. And besides, he probably doesn't read the forums anyway.

And about the whole R18+ thing, I think the way to make the industry actually listen is to hit them where it hurts: their pockets. People need to spread the word about calling bullshit when they see one, and I salute everybody in the Escapist and other gaming-centric websites like it for being on the forefront of doing as such. If we could get just enough people to shout "AWW HELL NO!" whenever the industry decided to be stupid, I think this beloved medium of ours could grow up to encompass some very interesting potentials.

Wishful thinking, yes, but maybe just for now. I mean, after all, whoever thought that a niche market that was started by a yellow blob eating pellets and ghosts could transform into multi-national, multi-million dollars industry as it is today, right?

I know that's his style, but... *sigh* I do miss the times when he wasn't trying too hard to be funny, when he didn't pay attention to the forums complaining en masse when he wasn't being funny. He's a goddamn game critic, he's not a comedian! I know he's funny, but I do like humour and intelligent criticism to be balanced appropriately, and the scales are tipping in the favour of the former.

That's a good plan- I do agree with you- but we have the die-hard fans that will follow Final Fantasy, Star Wars, Metal Gear Solid, Pokemon, Mario and the like to the ends of the Earth. Mind you, Mario is still good, but the fans won't admit that the franchises that they loved since birth are stagnating. I've tried arguing that Final Fantasy XIII sucks, but no-one listens to me.

He's not a comedian? Funny. I always assumed he was. >_>

Never have I ever watched an episode of Zero Punctuation that has mentioned food so bloody much.
NOW I HUNGERRR

"Bugged up the but" was one of the funniest things I've heard you say in a while, lol. My friend and I were just getting around to talking about this game a few nights ago because he had played the old ones, and I hadn't.

While I agree with much of yahtzee's review, I still plunked down the cash for Splatterhouse. I didn't expect it to be a great game by any stretch of the word and it turned out about how I expected. Not really bad, but not really great either.

Admittedly, much of why I wanted it was for the nostalgia, fond memories of days gone by on Genesis gaming away. Being able to unlock the original three and re-live some of that nostalgia made up for much of the issues with the game itself.

thefrizzlefry:
Dammit.. I wanted this one, if only because it's the only game smart enough to get cool thrash/crossover/death metal bands like Municipal Waste and The Accused on the soundtrack.
SERIOUSLY, ROCK BAND. I. WANT. MUNI WASTE.

Me too. Wrong Answer and Art of Partying would fucking rule

Misho-:
Nobody has given a good (or even passable) score to this game... I think it was a poor year for Namco :P

Actually...

Fangoria: 3.5/4
Dread Central: 4.5/5
Micah C of Blistered Thumbs: 7/10
Hooked Gamers: 7.8/10
Game Vortex: 80/100
Gaming Nexus: B (Letter grades, lol)
The Gamers Temple: 80/100
Playstation Universe: 7.5/10.

No "at least passable" scores? Gotta remember, that since Splatterhouse isn't really a huge name series (Like Shovelware of Duty or Halo) it has to *Shudder* succeed based solely on its own merits.

Chibz:

Misho-:
Nobody has given a good (or even passable) score to this game... I think it was a poor year for Namco :P

Actually...

Fangoria: 3.5/4
Dread Central: 4.5/5
Micah C of Blistered Thumbs: 7/10
Hooked Gamers: 7.8/10
Game Vortex: 80/100
Gaming Nexus: B (Letter grades, lol)
The Gamers Temple: 80/100
Playstation Universe: 7.5/10.

No "at least passable" scores? Gotta remember, that since Splatterhouse isn't really a huge name series (Like Shovelware of Duty or Halo) it has to *Shudder* succeed based solely on its own merits.

:) I actually have to thank you... Not by your implied sarcasm but ratter for opening my spectrum of reviewers out there. I used to only check sites like IGN, Gamespot, Gametrailers (who haven't done a review properly), Escapist, 1up, Game Informer and such... I will give those others a try :)
Thank you stranger

Misho-:
:) I actually have to thank you... Not by your implied sarcasm but ratter for opening my spectrum of reviewers out there. I used to only check sites like IGN, Gamespot, Gametrailers (who haven't done a review properly), Escapist, 1up, Game Informer and such... I will give those others a try :)
Thank you stranger

But... I wasn't being sarcastic. Being a huge name release has many advantages for most games. For example, most sites that do reviews are likely paid big bucks to advertise the game. And they won't allow a "negative" review to be posted, in case it angers the client. IE: Why Gamespot has zero credibility.

The other major advantage is reviewers not wanting to give a negative score for fear of backlash from fans of the series. IE: Being cowardly.

well... looks like it's time to play portal again.

Exactly what I've been saying for ages, they should write the start and end then screw up in the middle instead.

cefm:

bjj hero:
I really don't like this sort of game. There are just far too many of them. Its dull. congrats for not mentioning GOW though...

Game needs to to be just a little bit GOOD to get the LGOWB tag.

It also needs to be like God of War.

You've let me down this time Yatz!
If there's anything this game wins an award for it would be blatantly ripping off Lovecraft and no one noticing.

"Henry" West re-animating bodies?
He even says "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn" to fucking call on the monsters.
Not to mention the whole last level is plastered with Cthulhu statues.

Call me crazy, but I found it more violent when the Shadow of the Colossus guy stabbed the things, than when this super Jason Voorehees rips people apart.

Jason is a ludicrous monster among monsters, that's like his daytime job. They expect no less, that's their contract. Instead the SOTC guy was harming stuff that looked like docile animals, which didn't understand why you were beating them... that was just mean.

ChaosStep:
You've let me down this time Yatz!
If there's anything this game wins an award for it would be blatantly ripping off Lovecraft and no one noticing.

"Henry" West re-animating bodies?
He even says "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn" to fucking call on the monsters.
Not to mention the whole last level is plastered with Cthulhu statues.

It's almost like they were references/shout outs or something.

Hey Yahtzee,two words "Slave Zero".

"Make the start and ending first and just ad the middle afterwards"
That`s would be great, shame not most developers think like that, looking at u fable 3.
Bloody hell now that was a(SPOILER) boring end boss=_=

I was expecting some big and flashy super boss like that shriveled kondom that attacked sir whuzhisname. But noooh, i just get some(SPOILER) pathetic old half dead man instead.

That said great review.

This video marks my official one year point of watching ZP! Awsome review Yahtzee.

Nice review

Props for braving the waters that sank Chaser. You got cahones.

As a quick fix for the mic, Prop up a coat hanger with a stocking over it to act like a filter and speak up a bit.

that game must of bored the living day lights out of you, yahtzee. that was the first review you have done that made ME want to go put the washing out. thanks for the heads up on the game i will not be buying.

k-ossuburb:
Copy and paste the script used in this ZP and replace the word Splatterhouse with Duke Nukem: Forever and I don't think you'll be able to notice much difference when the real DN:F review comes around.

This Could possibly be true. But the fact that DN:F has been waited for, for so long everyone is going to love it obviously. So if people are going to love DN then why cant people like Splatterhouse? Maybe its not to everyones taste. But to some, this game could be awesome. Not that iv played it personally.. YET!

meh i wish he would review Epic mickey
i wanna hear his option on the craptastic camera
but I suppose with the delay in releases there he might not have it yet

Lasituas:

k-ossuburb:
Copy and paste the script used in this ZP and replace the word Splatterhouse with Duke Nukem: Forever and I don't think you'll be able to notice much difference when the real DN:F review comes around.

This Could possibly be true. But the fact that DN:F has been waited for, for so long everyone is going to love it obviously. So if people are going to love DN then why cant people like Splatterhouse? Maybe its not to everyones taste. But to some, this game could be awesome. Not that iv played it personally.. YET!

I got it a while after release, it's not that bad.

I mean, the controls are shit and make me jump into saw blade on a 2D plane, the camera has A.D.D. and prefers to swish around and look at the pictures on the wall instead of what the hell is ripping my arm off, it's got more bugs in it than Zoldar The Lizzard King's refrigerator and it does feel a little repetitive after a while, but it's a snack game.

It's not all that satisfying, it's great in small portions but horrible when you have too much and it's a nice break away from the colossal brown-tinted mega-titles we're used to, but I kinda love it for that. It's immensely flawed, I'll admit fully to that, but there's some fun to be had in it if you're willing to look past those flaws and just enjoy something that doesn't offer any more than you'd expect from it.

On a side note: shouldn't the "like God Of War, But:" label have been "Like Devil May Cry, But"? I'm sure DMC was doing this kind of thing way before God Of War popularized it.

Hahaha, oh Yahtzee :P

I played my first Splatterhouse on Sega... Can't remember which one. Mainly because it was forgetful.
Honestly, the first playthrough NEARLY scared the crap out of me, but after a while of beating up rediculously hard bad guys through repetative gut shots and a series of roid rages, it got a little old. I love my gorey games, but Yahtzee has a point, if you keep doing it over and over again it gets repetative. At least with the L4D series they switch things up, make the AI spawn different things at different times. I'd rather just play Half Life 1 on PC and beat the shit out of screaming scientists with a crowbar.

I don't know what YMCAs are like where you live, but where I am, they've been reduced to daycamps where people dump off their hyperactive children.

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 NEXT

Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment
Have an account? Login below:
With Facebook:Login With Facebook
or
Username:  
Password:  
  
Not registered? To sign up for an account with The Escapist:
Register With Facebook
Register With Facebook
or
Register for a free account here