Duke Nukem Forever Review

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Notere:
This just in: He also hated on Portal 2.

Cliff_m85:
Hmmmmm.....interesting. He hated on Portal 2? Well, I'm definitely buying Duke tomorrow then. If you hate Portal 2, you really don't understand the games you're playing.

Portal 2 Review

Recommendation: Newcomers to "portal science" will find Portal 2 easy to pick up and perhaps more rewarding than long-time fans. Both, however, will find plenty to love and more than enough to justify the price of purchase.

4/5

Yes, clearly a whole lot of hating going on there.

DalekJaas:
Your video should be called '10 things I would like about Duke Nukem if I wasn't a hardcore nerd'.

This game isn't designed for the pretentious hardcore gamers you find on places like the escapist.

I let a few friends (who don't play games) have a go on my computer because it seemed like a game early 20s males would find really funny and we just spent the whole time having a laugh.

The game is not great, but it is better than all the serious clone FPS games that have come out recently. I put it on par with Turok, the graphics are ok, the mechanics are ok, the story is interesting enough to keep you playing and it has some really over the top humour (Duke is such a douche bag).

Not a great game but enjoyable nonetheless.

EDIT: It took you an hour to beat the Queen Alien? Why were you the one reviewing this game...

I am not a hardcore nerd and none of those 10 things appeal to me.

Honestly even when used for humoristic purposes those 10 things don't really seem like they'd improve any game.

He wasn't being pretentious, he was speaking the truth, it's just a lot of fans can't get over the fact that this game is bad and decide to justify their purchase by saying "hey it may be terrible, but it is mindless fun blah blah blah".

I can't believe people are defending this game as much as the Withcher II. It is quite funny.

Also, this game looks just like any other FPS clone. It is like Halo, except they made Master Chief a huge douchebag.

Slycne:

Portal 2 Review

Recommendation: Newcomers to "portal science" will find Portal 2 easy to pick up and perhaps more rewarding than long-time fans. Both, however, will find plenty to love and more than enough to justify the price of purchase.

4/5

Yes, clearly a whole lot of hating going on there.

That scoundrel!

I'd say his Portal 2 review shows a certain level of discernment, and with a game like Portal 2 it's easy to be having so much fun that you don't really care about any niggling flaws (it wasn't until I finished the game that I realized the puzzles weren't as fulfilling as the original's, this hasn't stopped me from completing the game twice since then.) I think it's quite good for a professional game reviewer to possess this sort of discernment, but I somehow doubt it was needed to review a game like Duke Nukem Forever.

Doxcology:
Go damnit, I pre-ordered this game and now I've decided that there's no way I'm going to buy it. Oh well, Gamestop can keep my damn 5 dollars...

someone else probably responded to this already but, I've had times when I decided not to get a game I preordered from them, and they let me change the preorder to a different game. Might be worth asking about.

I was juuuuust about to buy this for my brother's birthday (which was on the release date) good thing I watched the demo and gameplay trailers. My brother is younger than me and even he thought the game sucked.

I'm probably alone here, but I laughed at the giant slap-able wall tits. I mean come on, jiggle jiggle.

Want a real Duke? Buy Bulletstorm.

Well... if it is truly THAT bad... I am glad I picked the little girl (Alice: madness returns) over the big man (duke)... I get to pick it up tomorrow morning(pre order)!

One note on the Ego health bar... (perhaps it's a little late... but heck...) I kinda like it! it's different, and it COULD have sooooo worked for Duke:
First of all, the parts about permanently extending the ego-bar by playing mini games, preforming ego-center acts and do challenges is brilliant!!! it soooo fit! how ever, it ended up to be broken, because it regenerates by being coward... what it SHOULD have been, (i think I've also use this in the bulletstorm forum... EPIC/PCF don't give shit what i said...) is a "berzerker/vampire health system" because Duke's health is ego, and must do "manly things" to upgrade it, and so "healing" his wounded ego,he must pull manly maneuver, and the tougher the maneuvers, the more it heals...
*first thing, IT SHOULD NOT REGENERATE! mad? THIS IS DUKE!~ (kick)
*his health bar should be separated to 3 sections Man, demigod, Duke <or insert favorite 3 progression names>, and player starts by getting only "man" and had to "grow it out".
*By attacking bad guys, Duke regens Ego, but only up to max of "Man",
*Using finishing moves, QTE moves, duke gets large chunks back (bosses will require QTE moves, and it's hard to activate, and execute)this heals up to "Demigod" max.
*By throwing shit/using peep guns/punch/use lesser weapons/or other humiliating ways on bosses (each bosses/enemies have their own "thing") on tough monsters... duke can then regenerate up to "Duke"max.(example, throwing "shits" at generally any aliens, can gain duke health, but shit breaks..., and throw donuts, coffee at pig cops)

This way, players instead running away, and hide like a little girl, they will have to face the monster, and will actually try to pull all the "man-maneuvers" to heal up! thus make players' actions more heroic!thus make Duke cooler character!~

just a concept, still a working in progress... perhaps the maker of this game wants us to realize that underneath this macho-ego fella, there is a little coward, all machoness is only superficial... that's why duke's ego bar returns...

Abandon4093:
I still think they missed a trick with the ego health system.

He could have had to do something cool to get his ego back. Like shooting a dude in the dick or something.

The more zaney stuff you do, the bigger your ego bar gets. And when it's low. You have to do something like benchpress an enemy carcase to boost it back up.

The rest of it looks pretty much how I imagined though.

Shooting people in the dick isn't cool

duke should get health from those slappable tit things, they could be like health packs.

The game was utterly boring, and one of those shooters that wanna be halo.

I feel cheated.

Koios:

mikev7.0:
Yet I've heard the idea that Gearbox only bought this so that they would own the franchise (thereby being able to make their own Duke game) and so that all of 3D realms work would not have been for nothing as there was a huge fan outcry for the release of this game. So maybe something better is on the horizon?

I hope they keep making Duke games. I've always wanted to see a Zero Hour remake.

From what I've seen and heard, this game is for the 12 year old in all of us, especially the one that grew up with Duke Nukem 64 / 3D. If you can't find that inner 12 year old, you probably won't enjoy this game.

And that is the most honest review I can think of.

Well reviews be damned it looks like my friend is buying it tomorrow anywho so I guess I'll be able to see for myself. To be completely honest everyone's opinions on the game have been so adamant to one side or the other it's just as exciting to find out the truth for myself as it is to play a new game. Only bummer is that it will cut into our co-op GL playing and that makes me sad gamer.

Well, that makes it two bad reviews I've seen today for this game. Here and Destructoid.

Still, I'm supporting Gearbox on this, regardless of the review scores. They took a chance on the IP, and the game, so I'll respect them for that and buy it.

From what I have seen of the game, I'll likely enjoy it for a full play-through, and the Balls of Steel bonuses are the extra perks for me. The multiplayer I can get some thrills from as well, once I get another CAT-5 for my 360.

------------

Eri:
I'd recommend giving this a read. http://kotaku.com/5811449/in-defense-of-duke-nukem-forever

Thanks for pointing that out. I had a feeling at least one media outlet would make something like this.

Slycne:

Notere:
This just in: He also hated on Portal 2.

Cliff_m85:
Hmmmmm.....interesting. He hated on Portal 2? Well, I'm definitely buying Duke tomorrow then. If you hate Portal 2, you really don't understand the games you're playing.

Portal 2 Review

Recommendation: Newcomers to "portal science" will find Portal 2 easy to pick up and perhaps more rewarding than long-time fans. Both, however, will find plenty to love and more than enough to justify the price of purchase.

4/5

Yes, clearly a whole lot of hating going on there.

Remember, in gamer logic, below 90 means that a game sucks. It's stupid.
OP: Overall, Gearbox just missed the point. The only way this shooter would succeed would be by throwing all modern shooter conventions out of the window. Running 50 mph, having an arsenal of weapons, and placing medkits over non linear levels. Instead, they put in regenerating health, a two weapon limit, and cover based combat.

It seems as if there is nothing left to do with this game but to fling it at the wall to see how it sticks: by slicing into it or by splattering all over it in a brown,drippy blob.

That is, until a comprehensive patch is released that overhauls the entire game play experience, negating the accuracy of reviews like this one. Now that would be a hilarious joke played on the player.

Slycne:

Portal 2 Review

Recommendation: Newcomers to "portal science" will find Portal 2 easy to pick up and perhaps more rewarding than long-time fans. Both, however, will find plenty to love and more than enough to justify the price of purchase.

4/5

Yes, clearly a whole lot of hating going on there.

The entire review is more elaborate than some two sentence blurb. Fine work on that. Consider a career in journalism.

EcksTeaSea:
Somehow I knew this was going to get a terrible review. After a game has been in development hell this long, I barely see a chance of it being good.

Still not going to deter me from picking it up tomorrow, though I am sad that this isn't the Duke that I grew up with.

Roughly my reaction to the game

DUKE NUKEM FOREVER IS OUT?!?!
SWEET!!!

**hears about the "ego" regen health, the tossable crap, and wallboobs**

Umm... nevermind, I think I'll save $50+tax and get Terraria ($10+no tax)

having to hide to replenish your ego bar is pure genius.

MiracleOfSound:
Well, there's always Bulletstorm.

If you're disappointed with DNF, get it instead. Captures the 90s run and gun fun much better.

Or you could just Buy Painkiller which costs 10x less and is roughly 10x better as well

I'm disappointed with the review, mostly with the "F-you viewer I'll just waist your time and then tell you to read the review".

never expected much from the game, and that's why I'm getting it. This game shows more about how badly a game can be mismanaged then how bad a game is. I mean 12 years, that's not 12 years of planning and plotting, that's 12 years of developers not giving a damn, and dicking around, leaving us with this. Duke Nuke was abandoned long ago, but not in the way were Duke is left to wander off, and possibly into a better home, but locked in a shed because the people with the key don't want others to get him, and plan to hoar him off later for money. That's what is going on with this game, enjoy what you can, but don't be surprised about how bad it is.

There is probably a lot of wasted potential in this game. The ego bar sounded like an epic Idea, and I can easily think of how it can work well, but it turns out it is the rechargeable shields from "Halo". So far that's all I have real seen, as the review only tells me "DON'T BUY THIS GAME, IT'S SHITTY SHIT OF A SHITTY GAME, DON'T BUY IT!!!!" thanks for the non info, I did read the review, but it would have been nice if you had shown me how bad the game is intend of throwing a tantrum and doing a "top 5 of what I hate about this list"

So when I play the game, and return it, I'll let you guys know how bad it was, but no video from me, not my skill set.

WOPR:

MiracleOfSound:
Well, there's always Bulletstorm.

If you're disappointed with DNF, get it instead. Captures the 90s run and gun fun much better.

Or you could just Buy Painkiller which costs 10x less and is roughly 10x better as well

...in your opinion.

I liked Bulletstorm just fine, thank you very much.

WOPR:

MiracleOfSound:
Well, there's always Bulletstorm.

If you're disappointed with DNF, get it instead. Captures the 90s run and gun fun much better.

Or you could just Buy Painkiller which costs 10x less and is roughly 10x better as well

Or even better, just play the original Duke games. I mean why does everyone want a modern game for nostalgia's sake when you can just play the originals that gave you that nostalgia in the first place? Unfortunately, because everyone has their rose tinted goggles on their old games, any remake is going to be lambasted in some way simply by virtue of not being the original they remember.

John Funk:

pepitko:
Good review, based on the comments in the whole review, it should have gotten one-star instead of two, but whatever. Also, to be fair, this game was in development at Gearbox for what? 8 months? They took over the project in August 2010 and the game was ready to release in June 2011. This implies that they took something semi-finished and added bits and pieces to it, for it to be release-able as soon as possible, to cash in on any of the hype that was left over. Theoretically, if Gearbox or any other developer worked on this from start to finish, it might have been more worthwhile, since you know too many chefs quite appartently spoiled the broth.

Necromancer Jim:
I can't say I expected much from this.

I want to know what warranted a second star, though.

Fuck, I can barely see what warranted the first.

A one-star game, in our system, is one that is quite literally unplayable.

Have you guys ever actually given a 1-star?

even if the game was a perfectly roasted suckling pig served on a buffet tray carved from the wood of the divine cross at a banquet hall in the lost continent of Atlantis, every video game reviewer would saw it's balls off.

it's safe to say that this game has had one of the most incredible amounts of hype of any game due to it's overly long hiatus and development time. when a game like this comes out, critics and reviewers immediately search for and set their focus on what is bad, ignoring everything that may be good about it.

therefore reviews like this can't be trusted because every critic would love nothing more than to rip it to shreds.

While watching that video, all I could think was: "Yeah. 'Satire'. Suuure."

Seriously, who didn't see this coming?

Trilliandi:
The fact that you're in fact comparing this game to titles like Call of Duty and Halo says plenty to me, in that you have no inkling to what makes a good game anymore or that in all honesty you never really did. That is of course unless you're praising their recycled and re-used mechanics, which quite frankly isn't much better than the previous.

Despite that little tidbit, the thing that steams me the most is your almost non-sensical berating of this game that nobody with a lick of sense was quite frankly expecting too much out of either way, is just over-the-top unnecessary and plain over-kill.

In my personal oppinion of your review, Duke Nukem Forever was a low-browed joke made to be just that, and that you are far too high on your pedastal to have heard and/or gotten it. I guess to be serious about games these days it means we have to forget that they're still GAMES, is that it?

I played the game, trust me comparing it to those games was the only way to go
Why you ask? Because it copies the same mechanics that they do
It doesn't take you back to nolstagia filled days of running and gunning, it takes you to the scripted event and linear corridors of COD
You even hide behind rocks and buildings while your health regenerates FFS

I don't agree with this guy alot, but on this review he was dead on
I don't blame Gearbox though, I blame 3D realms the timewasting gits for leaving them with this mess to put together

MiracleOfSound:
Well, there's always Bulletstorm.

If you're disappointed with DNF, get it instead. Captures the 90s run and gun fun much better.

even with its modern shooter conventions of regenerating health and the hero being kind of a pussy... it was the first game in a long time i've been able to actually run-n-gun through once i got in the right groove.

even Perfect Dark Zero is a better example of old school shooting! And that game is 5 years old!

Nautical Honors Society:

DalekJaas:
Your video should be called '10 things I would like about Duke Nukem if I wasn't a hardcore nerd'.

This game isn't designed for the pretentious hardcore gamers you find on places like the escapist.

I let a few friends (who don't play games) have a go on my computer because it seemed like a game early 20s males would find really funny and we just spent the whole time having a laugh.

The game is not great, but it is better than all the serious clone FPS games that have come out recently. I put it on par with Turok, the graphics are ok, the mechanics are ok, the story is interesting enough to keep you playing and it has some really over the top humour (Duke is such a douche bag).

Not a great game but enjoyable nonetheless.

EDIT: It took you an hour to beat the Queen Alien? Why were you the one reviewing this game...

I am not a hardcore nerd and none of those 10 things appeal to me.

Honestly even when used for humoristic purposes those 10 things don't really seem like they'd improve any game.

He wasn't being pretentious, he was speaking the truth, it's just a lot of fans can't get over the fact that this game is bad and decide to justify their purchase by saying "hey it may be terrible, but it is mindless fun blah blah blah".

I can't believe people are defending this game as much as the Withcher II. It is quite funny.

Also, this game looks just like any other FPS clone. It is like Halo, except they made Master Chief a huge douchebag.

the problem is that it FAILS to be anti-pretentious and anti-modern because it takes on those elements too much

You know, I think a lot of us were looking forward to Yahtzee's review of Duke Nukem Forever (I sure was), but now I think he might not even do it.

If DNF is as bad as this review makes it out to be, Yahtzee might just (appropriately) say, "If this is all Duke Nukem is, then a two-year old joke review is all it deserves".

Russ Pitts:
otherwise imminently forgettable and not worth your time.

I can't tell if that's a typo for "eminently forgettable" or a clever way of saying you forgot the game five seconds after hitting "post" on the review.

V8 Ninja:
And so Duke Nukem Forever is terrible...would this be a tragedy or absolutely hilarious?

It's a hilarious tragedy, Like a a clown beating your mom to death with a dildo

Koios:

Yureina:

In any event, I wasn't going to buy this game no matter what scores it got. Bad scores though... certainly make me feel more "right" in that choice. :o

Review scores aren't everything, as they too come down to personal taste. The reviewer clearly hated this game, I find it enjoyable. If I can enjoy it, are the numbers wrong? No, because they reflect someone else's taste. Therefore, you can't judge the 'correctness' of the decision on other peoples' reviews. The only way to know for sure if you'd like a game is to watch somebody else playing through it and ask yourself these questions: Do I think I would have fun playing that game? Is there something that destroys the playability of this game

You didn't read what I said did you? :o

I said that I wouldn't get DNF no matter what reviewers scored it as. The implication here is that my personal taste overrides any potential worth that DNF has. My only interest in this game is mere curiosity about how a game that took so damn long to make ultimately turned out.

In other words... your response to me was pretty much saying what I already think, and expressed, to some extent, in my post. :3

I am enjoying the hell out of this game. It's some of the most fun I've had with a game in a long time. I picked it up alongside L.A. Noire and it feels like I picked up two polar opposites, which is something of a good thing. (L.A. Noire scarred me with the rape and pedophile scenes... :<)

But yeah, I can't say I'm surprised with these poor reviews, but I can't help but think 3D Realms deserves more credit. Gearbox salvaged a game they had a lot of respect for, and I think that shows. And even though people will point and laugh at me when I tell them I really really like Duke Nukem Forever, well... I do. I really, really like Duke Nukem Forever. Never has my opinion on a game so varied with Mr Pitt's, but there you go.

This game is showing me that I'm getting old.

I am enjoying every minute of it. Well except the cheap difficulty spikes but I guess thats a nod to the old school as well :)

But my own opinion aside, I honestly dont get some of the reviewers out there. This review isn't even as guilty of it but some seem not to get the toilet scene in minute 2 of the game. There is actually very little of that in the game. It's mostly shooting, platforming, puzzling and an interactive environment that helps flesh out the character and level up the health bar at the same time.

And thats where I dont get the above review either. Whats the complaint? Do people even realize that this isnt supposed to be CoD. DN's heritage is a 2D j&r shoot em up. And jumping from bun to bun in a floated kitchen as mini duke does a great job of bringing that back. It's no Retro studios level re-imaging of the Duke. Nor was Duke ever as groundbreaking as metroid. But it does the job. And for people who enjoyed Duke in the past this will not disapoint.

Period.

I'll take the assumption the console port really is that bad, either that or the fact it's not a serious, realistic war game scares people these days. I'm quite enjoying myself with the PC version, but I went in with no expectations. I was looking for something a bit different, mind, as I'm sick to the back teeth of 'serious, realistic war games', they're 10 a penny and a completely unserious game like DNF hit that spot quite well, though it didn't blow me away by any stretch of the imagination.
So there you go, don't take it even vaguely seriously and you'll enjoy yourself.

Russ Pitts:
Duke Nukem Forever Review

Duke is the bastard son of a thousand game developers - and it shows.

Read Full Article

Haters gonna hate.

Its a bit funny. While I was playing DNF I kept thinking...ah man...this could have been a 10. There are so many good ideas in it, and so much poor executions. Still the good ideas were enough to entertain me throughout.

I kept thinking and comparing it to another recent shooter of a different calibre. Crysis 2. Which has stellar graphics and a much more focused "story", and decided to look up the review on the escapist.

The Escapist on Crysis 2:

"Bottom Line: Combining an outstanding setting, tremendous visuals, and an open-ended play style, Crysis 2 is the whole package. Small problems with the story and some minor design annoyances don't get in the way of an otherwise amazing experience.

Recommendation: If you like shooters and are as tired of Call of Duty clones as I am, this is the game for you"

This just seems plain stupid to me. Outstanding setting? In what way? Tremendous visuals...true. Open ended playstyle? Really? Small problems with the story? Are you serious? And "minor annoyances"? While every reviewer is entitled to his own opinion this game ends up at 4 stars. With a description that easily could have fit DNF (excepting the tremendous visuals).

And the recommendation for crysis 2 is just laughable. That line REALLY should be stomped on the DNF review, but instead the DNF review is stuck with "Recommendation: If you are stuck on a deserted island with only this game to play, go fishing instead. Worth playing so that you may be able to say that you did, but otherwise imminently forgettable and not worth your time."

All in all I know DNF is not a perfect game, far, far from it. It has been in development hell for half my lifetime. But still it emerged bringing me more entertainment than a lot of recent titles. I'm not sure what that says most about, me or the games...but I think a lot of people go into this review with the wrong expectations and or mindset.

DNF I finished in a few days. Despite its flaws I enjoyed it, and laughed a lot while playing it. Crysis 2 is still on my hard-drive...unfinished...left to rot because of an awful story and simple dullness even if it looks better than real life.

There is probably a lesson to be learned here...for all that are involved. And I for one, hope its not the last we've seen of the Duke.

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