Jimquisition: The Sh*tiest Games of 2012

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is that Kuja's theme i hear?

"Nihilistic Studios just stopped giving a shit"

image

Great list.

And don't worry Jim. You have been and will always be my Christ.

Absolutely GREAT choice of music.

I haven't played a single one of the featured titles, and I am completely at peace with that.

Good, I was afraid he may have forgotten about Amy in the last twelve months.

Sadly, no one can forget Amy...

I'm sad about Nihilistic, though. Used to be they produced "Vampire the Masquerade: Redemption". One of the best games no-one played.

You know what is so bad about Steel Battalion for the 360?

I actually loved it to death despite all the horrible horrible horrible (did I mention horrible?) fucking bugs and disastrously bad control scheme.

To me Steel Battalion is not just a bad game it is a tease, a tease of what mech games MIGHT have been like had Microsoft not decided to mass produce a fucking motion controller as cheaply as possible and then still charge way to much for it. If you imagine a Steel Battalion without bugs and with a pin point accurate motion detection system you would basically have my game of 2012.

I will condemn it as utter shite but I will do anything in my power to preserve it spirit and what it tried to do so that we one day might be piloting mechs in our own living rooms just by waving our arms around.

Thank you jim for saying exactly how i feel about family guy. Fuck seth mc hack lane's bullshit

Ahh Great List Jim, and Merry Christmas Eve!

Though, I still think that you love Konami, just like I do, and that is why it hurts so much to see them mistreat you. I know they have been treating the fans poorly, but it is OK to admit that you still love them in spite of that.

mjc0961:
I wonder how many of the sad "I hate CoD because it's cool to hate it even though I've never played it" people watching this were suddenly very hopeful during that slight pause between "Call of Duty Black Ops" and "Declassified" because they thought you were about to say "Two" instead.

Blimey, someone's virulently over-defensive of a product just in case it gets criticised.

OT: I like this format too. Is this a regular jimquisition feature as well?

Oh, and MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE! WOO!!

What is Jims problem with konami? I agree with him but he seems to really hate them. Is it just that they continue to fuck up some of his favorite game series or did something actually happen between him and konami?

Gizmo1990:
What is Jims problem with konami? I agree with him but he seems to really hate them. Is it just that they continue to fuck up some of his favorite game series or did something actually happen between him and konami?

Well, my guess is that its because of Konami's studio of choice for the HD collection.

They chose a mobile device dev, mostly unknown, rather untalented, mobile device dev. Devs with absolutely no real experience doing jack squat on consoles, doing HD games much less HD textures.

http://www.gamefaqs.com/features/company/92768.html
Studio was also formerly known as PhoenixSoft.

The fact that all those issues that exist within the HD collection doesn't surprise me. What DOES surprise me is that they actually managed to do anything at all with the games, though I guess being given access to all of its code, even if it is incomplete, helped tremendously.

Its like how I have a problem with Square Enix, because they decided to choose Double Helix (another group of rather untalented bubs) to create the new Front Mission game. A Turn-based RPG Mecha game was turned into the weakest, shoddiest piece of Armored Core wannabee I've seen yet.

It's also because both studios wanted these games done dirt cheap. Coincidentally, Double Helix did Silent Hill: Homecoming. Which, while not as horribly bad as the HD collection, was still an uninspired and simplistic mess.

GAunderrated:
I'm surprised warZ didn't make it on there.

Probably because the only "release" was a few days ago on Steam, otherwise there was none. And even if those other variants also count as released, I would say it was too new.

Surprised about the lack of RE6 (as 'honorable mentioned') and Warfighter while the existance of Revelations 2012 was one itself (didn't expect that he even knew it...).

actually jim, at the time of writing its christmas for me..not christmas eve

so HA!

Jesus Jim! Those games were really bad. I have never heard ya sound so hateful. Hope ya get to play some good games soon.

0_o Also, ya looked like you were going to take a bite out of the bat at the start there.

No Diablo 3?
Then that list ain't complete, son.

Gizmo1990:
What is Jims problem with konami? I agree with him but he seems to really hate them. Is it just that they continue to fuck up some of his favorite game series or did something actually happen between him and konami?

Well you know that big dildo bat....?

Ryan Hughes:
Ahh Great List Jim, and Merry Christmas Eve!

Though, I still think that you love Konami, just like I do, and that is why it hurts so much to see them mistreat you. I know they have been treating the fans poorly, but it is OK to admit that you still love them in spite of that.

As some people at the Escapist Expo said (I think Jim may have too), :/ the way your talking, it sounds like your in an abusive relationship.

mjc0961:
I wonder how many of the sad "I hate CoD because it's cool to hate it even though I've never played it" people watching this were suddenly very hopeful during that slight pause between "Call of Duty Black Ops" and "Declassified" because they thought you were about to say "Two" instead.

Anyway, happy Jimmas everyone.

Nah Jimbo loves the CoD series. Or he, at least, thinks that they're highly polished, expertly made, and fun to play.

GAunderrated:
I'm surprised warZ didn't make it on there.

Me too, though that debacle may have happened slightly after this video was produced.

wow....

Never heard of Steel Battalion, but i would have been totally sold had i saw that promo video....

thank god for Jim.

Sad to see silent hill HD up there, bought that for my sister for her birthday not so long ago :(

Once again, welcome to the church of Jimquisition and an amen to the preachings of our holy savior.
I think we should announce an official holyday of Jimquisition, Jim's birthday, or the day of the first show or something!

Nice top 10, i guess i don't have be ashamed to barely know the titles.

Jimothy Sterling:
*snip*
Plus one day I plan to get drunk enough to see if I can fit it up me.

Good luck with that. I, uhm... no, i don't think i would by any chance wanna know how it went.

By the way, i think you have a looovely singing voice, like an angels song, no?

Imp Emissary:

Ryan Hughes:
Ahh Great List Jim, and Merry Christmas Eve!

Though, I still think that you love Konami, just like I do, and that is why it hurts so much to see them mistreat you. I know they have been treating the fans poorly, but it is OK to admit that you still love them in spite of that.

As some people at the Escapist Expo said (I think Jim may have too), :/ the way your talking, it sounds like your in an abusive relationship.

As bad as Konami has been over the last few years, at least they are not Capcom, desperately trying to capture western aesthetics in an industry that it helped build. Nor are they as bad as many other companies. Sure, SHHD collection was terrible, bad, horrid, and a bunch of other nasty things, but it was still not as bad as what EA did to the Ultima games from Ultima VIII onwards. At least their games are not the qusi-racist and wholly thoughtless tripe of the common Millitary Shooter.

Konami makes my four favorite series of all time: Suikoden, Silent Hill, Castlevania, and Metal Gear. So, I guess I will admit that I am biased, but I do not think it is time to end this relationship yet.

I'd like to see a "Not horribley broken S**tiest game of 2012" Next week. That way, we can get to the notable s***ty games like...

Ninja Gaiden 3- The already absurd boss resurrects a f***ing Dinosaur....a f***ing Dinosaur?

Lollipop Chainsaw- This game has no redeeming qualities. NONE. If you like this game, then you are a piece of s*** and you know you are....lol. J/k....sort of O.o

Metal of Honor: Warfighter a.k.a Metal of Honor: Doorbreacher- The name alone should win it an award for s***iest game of 2012.

Sorcery- While not as bad as anything on Kinect, the game is f***ing terrible and a huge waste of an IP with potential. These game screams "Move? We're not even trying anymore..." -Sony.

Star Wars Kinect- The fact that MS had the balls to release a custom console around the honking pile of s***. The only fun (read: funny) thing about it is how many times MS will cram Dance Central (the only good game on Kinect) into every game on Kinect.

Fable The Journey- It's not on rails and there's a dry erase board out there somewhere with the names of 50 dirty f***in liars that work at various publications that agree with this statement. I'd actually like to see the names of those that signed the board as I'm convinced it was done at gunpoint.

There's more, but I have toys and s*** to build my kids....so Merry Xmas all!

Hilarious video!

I'm not a fan of the trolling childish humour that Jim likes to spew in otherwise 'serious' topics but it works perfectly for a video like this. Easily the most entertaining episode to date.

Lol what the flying fuck is that dildo on a stick? It's almost as long as an entire person

Mr_Terrific:
I'd like to see a "Not horribley broken S**tiest game of 2012" Next week. That way, we can get to the notable s***ty games like...

le'snip

Lollipop Chainsaw- This game has no redeeming qualities. NONE. If you like this game, then you are a piece of s*** and you know you are....lol. J/k....sort of O.o

le'snip

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/jimquisition/6632-Jimquisition-Awards-Part-Four

Well now...this is awkward.

image

1. LOVE Metal Gear.

2. Just because something is worse than Konami doesn't make what they did any less bad. That said, I hope they can do better two.

3.

lol, I own 4 of these games:

Amy
CoD: Declassified
Resistance: Burning Skies
Silent Hill HD Collection

Plus one day I plan to get drunk enough to see if I can fit it up me.

I hoped I read that wrong, I wish I had.

This list was great.

Have a great Christmas Jim! :)

Nice pairing. Having the award week, then have this. Made me smile. Will make dealing with family easier, thank you for that.

i'm starting to think jim could be the devil.........I want more shows like this they aremore fun than a barrel full of monkeys

lobotoja:
Take that fucking hat off you turd blob, or Ill come to visit and stick you with your own dildo sword so you look like a pig ready for roasting not just a fucking hog. Consider yourself intellectual and you wear signs of worse mass-murderers and child rapist the world has seen... nazis were a breeze compared to fucking Bolsheviks you shit for brains fat cunt read some history not just regurgitate the mass fed marketing shit gray masses are fed you as-hole.

Wow, just wow. There is already so much hate in this world, why can't you just be nice? :(

OT great vid jim, I have not actually played any of these but I definately won't now

eh... i don't think Jim gets the humor of the macfarlane writing studio, but whatever reasonable list i guess

Wow, Jim... You have a surprisingly nice voice!

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