Zero Punctuation: Sonic Unleashed

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Pity, I had some hopes that Sonic Unleashed would breathe new life into the franchise. I haven't been a regular console gamer for good while, but I fondly remember the original 2D genesis games.

However, there is a ray of hope for those that are looking for it. Gamespot

No. I refuse to believe you are seriously entrusting the projected goodness of this game to one of the most controversial video game publications on the Internet.

Poor Sonic. Good bashing, though.

Wasn't Bioware going to do a Sonic RPG? So how's that working out? If there's one company you can still mildly trust to get something nice out, it's Bioware (although I'd prefer Black Isle Studios *sniff*).

I never want ZP to be about a good game ever again. This was hilarious.


I still have all the old Genesis games on my computer, and they are still so much fun to play. I really don't understand the need to keep bringing a dead franchise back and back and back.... It's like inviting a Zombie to dinner. It's just not done.

On another note, has anybody had problems with the Escapist's video player on Firefox 3.0? For some reason, it just never loads the videos. I have all the current updates on everything possibly involved, and it still won't work. I'm tired of having to start Internet Explorer to watch my ZP. It just feels....dirty.

Well, it's finally stopped being funny now that I've watched it continuously since it's posting. It only took an hour or two.

Sigh... my first gaming experience was Sonic the Hedgehog 2. I was only a few years old back then and I remember playing it with my dad. I beat him, though, I got to the airplane stage which he could never get to.

Ah... the days of lives and no saves. When I bought my playstation, I didn't realize you needed a memory card so I played the beginning over and over until I finally got a memory card.

And now this. *shakes head* To tell you the truth, I actually enjoyed Sonic adventures, it was fun in my opinion. You still got to race through levels but the Sonic team has forgotten it.

I've got it! We strap them down to a chair, tape their eyes open and force them to play Sonic the Hedgehog 2 until their fingers bleed! Then they'll know how to make a Sonic game. It'll be worth the lifetime in jail.

as far as I'm concerned, sonic died after the sonic and knuckles game. May he rest in peace...(sniff)


brilliant. Repurpose him.

"Here's a tip: Find a new fanbase."

It DID find a new fanbase: Furries!

Personally I don't think the fanbase will complain that much if they did something very close to the original. Look at Mega Man 9 for example :)

... Really?

I gave it a rental and I thought the Sonic stages were great. The problem is the Sonic stages only last like four minutes and there are only a few of them. Only about 10% of the game is worth playing. The rest is the werehog garbage, which is just bad.

Seriously, if you liked the Werehog gameplay, how could you not like the game since it consists mostly of that?

Oh sonic, how many shitty games about you do they have to make before they give up and try something new?

I'm guessing at least one always.

Regarding the video: I agree with what your opinion on the game but not the reason why. I fortunately didn't buy the game but after playing it I hated it. Personally I disliked the Werehog parts where on the other hand I liked the Sonic parts.

being in brawl is the only semi-useful thing sonic has done in almost 15 years

I was talking about this the other day and I totally agree. The sonic franchise has 4 good games in my opinion, 5 at a push. Those being 1, 2, 3, Adventure 2: Battle and MeanBean Machine (even though it's not really a "sonic" game). A2B is the only 3D game I've been able to work with but that's because every 3D game after it gives you almost no control over the characters. That's why I hated the first one on 360 because all I really did was spend 5 seconds control before he went into a massive running scene.
Sorry i'll stop ranting. Awesome ep.

Wow, this has got to be one of his most bitter yet and thus one of his best! The only thing I've been enjoying recently about Sonic is the fowl mouthed dubbings on YouTube...

NB: Even though I could just go and look online, I'm still going to say "I wonder what happens on Game Damage?"

"Here's a tip: Find a new fanbase."

It DID find a new fanbase: Furries!


Great review totally agree.

Only part of this game i could withstand was the daytime Sonic levels, even though there are so few and quite short. Apart from that this game has dissapointing factors one after another.

All they had to do was make a decent 2D sonic game with some decent graphics and lots of levels and i think we would all be pleased. But yet again they churn out crap for us to play.
They keep turning something that could be so simple and easy into a complete disaster.

Sonic is a dead franchise but they still keep going.
Such a shame really.

they should release a sonic the hedgehog 4 (or 5).

Like the retro megaman9

I would play that.

I think this is the angriest ZP we've had in a while,

I think this easily beats the previous "champion" IMO Clive Barker's Jericho.

Honestly thought, who didn't predict this game would suck?

I really really really wanted to like this game. Not because I give a shit about sonic but because I have gamefly and a WII for when I'm not playing my PC games (which are the best ever ever1!10)

However, this game was plain and simple AWFUL! seriously its like 20 minutes of cut scenes followed by "talking" to villagers (you press A they blab on about gay crap), then finding some stupid area to go to . Then finding the door you go to then figuring out how not to immediately die. Then finding some stupid piece of something that opens something. Flail around in between fighting generic monsters that look the same.

Seriously its awful. Starting the level over after you die stinks to since the Wii loads as fast as a sloth. There is this stupid Ice level where I finally gave up and put the game back in its gamefly slip and sent it back. You die within seconds of starting the level because you move to fast and the controls are too flippin lose. Why not slow down? Because the level is timed!!! WTF!!! WTYFAF{OINMWEF{WOINEG!} $Js df)D)_SU(JGggglgurupl

Never really been fond of the Sonic series, myself. Then again, the only Nintendo series I ever actually liked was the Pokemon series. Even then, I think that series has been over used. I mean, when you get to 493 different Pokemon then you know your on the edge if not already passed the point of pulling the plug on a series.

Anyway, many apologies for running off topic there. Good review as always Yahtzee...

As has been proven time and time again in the past, Yahtzee is at his very best when he's taking Crap on a Stickô and viciously savaging it in a frothing rage. Awesome review.

Russian Redneck:

Pity, I had some hopes that Sonic Unleashed would breathe new life into the franchise. I haven't been a regular console gamer for good while, but I fondly remember the original 2D genesis games.

However, there is a ray of hope for those that are looking for it. Gamespot

No. I refuse to believe you are seriously entrusting the projected goodness of this game to one of the most controversial video game publications on the Internet.

Correction, only one version of this game, namely the Wii version. I have heard some secondhand accounts of Gamespot failing to be truely neutral and unbiased in thier reviews, but I am not one to blanket an entire orginization based on a some isolated incidents. There may be more to which I'm not aware, so please enlighten me if you wish.

But besides that, I would think that in this particular case if the reviewers intentions were not in the objective listing of the games merits and failings the review scores for the 360 and Wii versions wouldn't be so divergent and partically polar opposites in the tone of the language.

But in this case, truth is ultimately decided by consensus and we will simply have to wait for more reviews on the Wii, 360, and other versions of this game.

i agree with his last point i have a 12 bore anyone wanna tell me where i can find sonic?

I remember when Sonic was good- I also remember exactly when it went horribly horribly wrong. I was one of the few that was actually O.K. with Sonic Adventure (however I was 13 and it was the first 3D game that I owned so I had fun with it at the time). I was kind of ok with Adventure 2... but by then I knew something was wrong.

Alright Sonic Team, it's time to go back to your roots. If Sonic speed and game play is only really good when in 2D then go back to friggen 2D. Update 2D graphics, make it look super good, amazing. 3D isn't helping you get back to the amazing basics this franchise was once known for. You might not be able to ask for as much money, but more people would buy it, I swears.

Thanks for this - I almost bought it thinking they learned from Sonic 360 and hoping that I would rekindle my youth with Sonic Adventures on the Dreamcast.

...actually I went back to that game recently and found it a bit pants.

Classic Yahtzee, bile-filled spew fest. I wish more games of this caliber would get released, just so Yahtzee could review them.

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!! Best review ever, and a new fucking show!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! TOO MUCH AWESOME!!!!!


Sorry, I've just lost all dignity

Can we please stop acting like Sonic Rush and Sonic Rush Adventure aren't great games now? Because they are. And they're from this generation.

Just because they're on a handheld, that doesn't mean they don't exist.

That game damage show looks pretty interesting, I'll have to check it out.

It's true...sonic unleashed should never have been made.

I've never been a huge Sonic fan, but can the game really be that bad? Well, the whole 'dicking about 'cause you can't play the game 'cause you don't have enough money' part sounds kinda lame, and the level design, if it is indeed as poor as you say, would suck a big one too, and - oh wait, maybe it is that bad.

great stuff even the ending "make him into a litter picking device" lol

Yeah. Well. Thanks.
Best review of the last time, i lol'd hard etc. etc.

no, rly, it was fucking awesome

Sonic has in my eyes never been that good of a game and i wonder who is trying to keep that little rat alive. Actually the same goes for mario in my opinion. Sonic and Mario belonged on the old generations of consoles in the 2D universe.And why nintendo keeps on wanting to relive its golden days of supermaribros3, Zelda and NES in general i cant understand.They made good games and good concepts but isnt it time we got new heroes? and new games? new concepts? everything has been done and done again. And Sonic is the wirst example. In the distant future (the year 2000) we will probably talk about how bad "halo: the new hero unleashed" or "metalgearsolid8: snake retires" is...

The fans desireth vitriol, Yahtzeeth delivereth.

Quite the awe-inspiring tongue-lashing, to be sure. It just goes to show that while most bad games have to be good enough to hold a grudge against, a purely bad game is just an affront to the senses.

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