This week in Zero Punctuation, Yahtzee reviews God of War Ragnarok.
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Tell you what, Sony, let’s make a deal. I’ll stop telling everyone you’re a bunch of prissy corpo scum who stopped giving us review codes because we had too much self-respect to gargle your nads, and in return, you stop making me squeeze through narrow caves. Yeah, I know, you’re using it to hide loading. But surely the fact that we all know that means you can drop the pretence. Just use a fucking loading screen. Maybe with a map. Little moving red line like in Indiana Jones. Have fun with it. Every time you make me squeeze through a narrow cave now I feel like you’re insulting my intelligence. “Tee hee, he’ll never suspect we’re zooming right up on Kratos’ acne scars to hide the fact that we’re swapping in another pointlessly overdetailed environment for the seventeen millionth time.” What’s with this obsession with never cutting away? Cutting away is fine. Remember in Taxi Driver when Robert DeNiro decides to shoot up a pimp’s house and they just cut to him doing that? Remember how they didn’t show him buying a subway ticket to the pimp’s house and sitting on a train for half an hour muttering about how much fun he’s going to have shooting it up. That’s basically my core issue with God of War Ragnarok. It forgot to cut out the train rides. Frequently literally.